She fucking hates me. Trust. She fucking hates me. La la la love. I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none and ripped them away. -Puddle of Mudd
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Hate is a strong word. Like my main woman Julie de Lespinasse always says, “You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul.” South Korea is unhinged all right. Apolo Ohno is making them cringe all right. Making them join the lunatic fringe all right. These lunatics are selling toilet paper emblazoned with Ohno’s face like he was Osama Bin Laden or some such other dasterdly villian. They’re selling video games with an an Ohno character you can shoot in the head. His name has even become a part of their language. In South Korean, to call something “Ohnolike” is to deride it as a dirty trick. A Souther Korean blogger even had the unmitigated gall to just write, “He should fall down on the ice and have (figure skater) Kim Yu-na land on his disgusting face after she performs a triple axel.” What gives?
I’ll tell you what gives. The South Koreans are bitter. They’re bitter about the Salt Lake City olympics. They’re bitter because they believe, in Salt Lake, Ohno stole the gold from Kim Dong-sung. Not to be confused with Byun-Hun Kim. They’re bitter because they believe Ohno acted like lowly soccer flopper. In Salt Lake, Ohno threw up his arms as he tried to pass Kim as though he were crying foul. Ultimately, Kim was disqualified for blocking. Ultimately, Ohno captured the gold.
That’s where the hate began. I believe it was Shakespeare who first said, “In time we hate that which we often fear.” They must fear Ohno a whole bunch. Immediately after Ohno claimed his medal, there were enough angry anti-Ohno e-mails that the U.S. Olympic Committee server was shut down for nine hours. Make no mistakes, the Americans fear them back. The entire American short-track team withdrew from a World Cup event held in South Korea in 2003. They withdrew due to death threats against Ohno. In 2005, Ohno had to travel in South Korea under the guard of police.
Maybe these scare tactics are finally paying off. As of now, the South Koreans have five medals so far, including a gold, to Ohno’s lone silver. Hi ho Silver, away! Away goes Apolo Ohno who competes tomorrow to qualify for the 1,000-meter final. If he wins said final, Ohno will become the most decorated American in Winter Olympics history. Put that in your South Korean pipe and smoke it.
Peace out homies. Six two and Even!