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NFL Preseason Awards: The Quarterbacks

By: josh q. public on: Monday, August 17, 2009 @11:35 am

NFL Preseason Awards:  The Quarterbacks

But it’s so easy looking at the game the morning after.  Adding up the kisses and the laughter.  Knowing how you’d play it if the chance to play it over ever came.  But then, a Monday morning quarterback never lost a game.  -Frank Sinatra

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  My main man Dan Marino once said, “If you ask any great quarterback, there’s a certain inner confidence that you’re as good as anybody.  But you can’t say who is the absolute best.  To be considered is special in itself.”  Dan Marino may have said that, but I’m not gonna.  I’m gonna tell you who’s best.  I’m gonna tell who’s worst.  I’m gonna tell you about whole bunch of guys in between.  I’m gonna hand out my NFL Preseason awards:  The Quarterback Edition.  Sounds like fun don’t it?  Sure it do!        

The Johnny Unitas Award  (Best Quarterback On The Planet):  Tom Brady-  I know, I know.  I’m a homer.  Doh!  A shameless homer.  A brazen homer.  An incorrigible homer.  I don’t care.  When there is trouble, he’s there on the double.  From Atlantic to Pacific, they know Tom Terrific!  

All Tom Brady has ever done is win.  Best regular season record for any NFL quarterback since 1950.  Better than Roger Staubach.  Better than Joe Montana.  Better than that six-five, 230-pound quarterback with a laser rocket arm.  Better than them all.  Post season?  NFL record for most consecutive wins in the post season. Three rings. Two Super Bowl MVPs.  That my friends, is what a quarterback looks like.   

And just so you know, Tom Brady is already the favorite to win the 2010 Super Bowl.  Get your popcorn ready bitches!

The Dan Marino Award  (Best Rookie Quarterback):  Matthew Stafford-  There are some folks who say getting drafted by the Lions was the worst thing that coud have happened to Stafford.  They say he’ll end up like Andre Ware.  Like Joey Harrington.  Like Charlie Batch.  I am not one of those folks.  I think this kid is a an ath-uh-lete.  An ath-uh-lete with an arm.  A big arm.  A strong arm.  A cannon for an arm.  If Dr. Evil was smart, he’d get frickin’ sharks with Matthew Stafford’s arm attached to their heads. 

The Ryan Leaf Award  (Biggest Bust):  JaMarcus Russell-  In 2007 JaMarcus was drafted by the Raiders with the first overall pick of the Draft.  At 6’6 and 255, he was a physical specimen never before seen at the quarterback position.  He could throw the ball downfield 80 yards with just the flick of his wrist.  You know how some kids pee their name in the snow?  JaMarcus could pee his name in the concrete. 

Unfortunately, he refuses to put in the work.  Like my main man Vince Lombardi always says, “Any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.”  Russell has never worked his heart out.  He has never been exhausted.  He will never be victorious.

The Randall Cunningham Award  (Best Running Quarterback)  Aaron Rodgers-  He may not be your prototypical running quarterback, but last season Rodgers was sixth in total rushing yards.  He was first in rushing touchdowns.  First on the charts.  First in our hearts.

The Doug Flutie Award  (Best Canadian Football League QB):  Jeff Garcia-  Signed by the Calgary Stampeders as an undrafted free agent in 1994, Grey Cup MVP and four time Pro Bowler Garcia now stands to take the starting job away from the aforementioned JaMarcus Russell.  Garcia is one of only seven quarterbacks in NFL history to have thrown thirty touchdowns for two consecutive seasons.  He is also one of only twelve quarterbacks to have thrown a 99 yard touchdown pass. 

Earl Morrall Award  (Best Back-Up):  Michael Vick

Chris Chandler Award  (Most Fragile):  Matt Hasselback

Steve McNair Award  (Toughest):  Donovan McNabb

Tony Banks Award  (Butter Fingers):  Ben Roethlisberger 

Public Spectacle:


Peace out homies. Six two and Even!

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  1. 1

    [...] Preseason NFL QB awards courtesy of the one and only… (Josh Q. Public) [...]

  2. 2

    this did sound like fun, until I continued to read