Baby’s got blue skies up ahead but in this I’m a rain cloud. You know she likes a dry kind of love. Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing. -U2
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Jamie Moyer says he feels like he’s been misled. Jamie Moyer is a little disheartened. Jamie Moyer can shut the hell up. Listen, I like Jamie Moyer as much as the next guy, I do, but this is Pedro Martinez we’re talking about. Senator, I served with Pedro Martinez. I knew Pedro Martinez. Pedro Martinez was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Pedro Martinez.
As Jamie Moyer yammers on like a jilted schoolgirl, the greatest pitcher of our generation gets prepared to pitch tonight. As Jamie Moyer yammers on like a jilted schoolgirl, the cleanest pitcher of our generation gets prepared to pitch tonight. Zestfully clean. Zestfully clean. You’re not fully clean until you’re Zestfully clean. Pedro: “I dominated that era and I did it clean. I can stand by my numbers and I can be proud of them.” He should be proud of them. Proud as a peacock.
I know Pedro Martinez has not been a dominant force in baseball since 2005. I also know he is a three-time Cy Young winner and future Hall of Famer while Jamie Moyer is boasting a 5.47 ERA and is the worst pitcher in the Phillies rotation. I don’t care what Moyer’s win total is, Pedro Martinez gets this shot. If anyone has earned anything, it’s Pedro.
Pedro earned it because, because, because … because of all the wonderful things he does did. For what he did in in 1999. Best pitcher I ever saw in 1999. ‘Cuz they say two thousand zero zero party over, oops out of time. So tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1999. Fenway Park. Dominican flags galore. Punchados galore. In 1999, Pedro went 23-4. In 1999, Pedro had a 2.07 ERA. In 1999, Pedro threw a club record 313 strikeouts. Yowza! Need more? Need more, senor? Need more so you can know the score?
In 1999, Pedro struck out fifteen or more batters six times. Hear that Tim Lincecum? In 1999, he pitched a masterpiece seventeen punchado, one hit game against the hated New York Yankees. In 1999, he allowed only thirty-seven walks. Big deal, you say? Who cares, you say? I say those thirty seven walks are the lowest total in history for a member of the 300-strikeout club! How about that? How about this? In 1999, Pedro only gave up nine dings. None of them with runners on base. Goodness! Greatness.
In 1999, Pedro martinez carried the Boston Red Sox on his back. As your Curly Headed Girlfriend wrote: “The Red Sox finish their startling regular season in Baltimore today and open a best-of-five playoff series on Wednesday. The Sox were not expected to be in the 1999 post-season tournament, but are back in the playoffs on the strength of a historic season by their 27-year-old, 5-foot-11, 174-pound right-handed ace.”
Phillies fans are in for a treat. A treat that can’t be beat. Pedro: “I won’t let go, I won’t do that! I have to be out there as long as I can.” And that’s the way it is with Pedro. He always wants the ball. Always. I can’t wait for him to get the ball again.
Peace out homies. Six two and Even!