Manny: Worth Every Penny

When the wheel of fortune broke, you fell to me.  Out of grey skies to change my misery.  The vacant spot, your beating heart took its place.  But now I watch smoke leave my lips and fill an empty room.  -The Jam

Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go!  First thing’s first.  First thing is, I did not like the way Manny Ramirez went out.  Not one bit.  I did not like it in a box.  I did not like it with a fox.  I did like the two rings he brought to Boston.  I did like having the best right handed hitter that baseball has ever seen.  The best there’s ever been.  A lean mean hitting machine.  Liked it a lot.  But now he’s gone.  That’s life, that’s what all the people say.  You’re riding high in April.  Shot down in May.  But Manny changed that tune.  Now that he’s back on top, back on top in June.     

Say what you want about Mr. Manny Ramirez, but know this.  Know that last season, after signing with the Los Angeles Dodgers, Ramirez batted .396.  Know Ramirez hit seventeen bombs.  Know he had fifty-three RBIs in those fifty-three games.  Know that he fell just one bomb shy of a truncated triple crown for that time for the entire Major League.

Last season, Manny was brought to Tinseltown for one reason and one reason only.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves catching the Diamondbacks.  As always, should any member of your team be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow all knowledge of your actions.  This message will self-destruct in five seconds.  Mission accomplished.  And beyond. 

Mission accomplished because because Manny rakes.  That’s what he does.  Cleveland.  Boston.  LA.  Manny rakes.  Good times.  Manny rakes.  Bad times.  Manny rakes.  Business bad?  Fuck you, pay me.  Oh, you had a fire?  Fuck you, pay me.  Place got hit by lightning huh?  Fuck you, pay me.  That’s what Manny being Manny is really all about.  You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around.  That’s what it’s all about!

The post season is what it’s all about too.  Rememeber?  Remember last year when manny hit hit that bomb.  When he hit that bomb that started down around his ankles and ended up in the upper half of the left-field stands of Wrigley Field.  Remember that?  That was Manny’s  25th bomb in postseason play.  That bomb extended his own major-league record.  Manny has now averaged one home run for every 14.3 postseason at-bats.  Reggie Jackson averaged one homer for every 15.6 at-bats in postseason play.  Now who’s Mister October?  Senor Octubre?

So just pack up your criticisms.  Pack up your lollygag the ball around the outfield.  Pack up your lollygag your way down to first.  Just pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile.  Smile at the best right handed hitter you ever did see.  The most important Red Sox of all time.  The man who put the Los Angeles Dodgers back on the map.  Smile at Manny Ramirez.

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

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