Mark the month and all its anniversaries.  Put away the draft of all your eulogies.  Clear the way for all your private memories.  -Suzanne Vega

In case you missed it, yesterday marked the 10-year anniversary of Adam Dunn’s first major-league game. On that day of Adam’s first game, he recorded his first Major League hit.  Hooray Adam Dunn!  Wait!  Not so fast!  On that day too, he also recorded his first Major League strikeout.  Boooooo Adam Dunn!  And so it has gone for most of his career.  Yesterday, Dunn reached his 10th anniversary with 363 home runs, the fifth-most in major-league history at the 10-year anniversary of a player’s big-league debut.  The four players ahead of him: Albert Pujols (408), Eddie Mathews (371), Ralph Kiner (369) and Alex Rodriguez (366).  Yesterday Dunn also reached his 10th anniversary with 1,756 career strikeouts.  That, by far, is the highest total in Major-League history 10 years to the day since a player’s first career game.  Nobody else is within 300 strikeouts of that record.  Nobody.  Not Reggie Jackson.  Not Sammy Sosa.  Not Jim Thome.  Not nobody.  In fact, Bobby Bonds own second place on that list; he whiffed 1,422 times in his first decade in the majors (1968-1978).  So hey, happy anniversary Adam Dunn!

Peace out homies. Six two and even!

Oh, put me in, coach.  I’m ready to play, today.  Put me in, coach.  I’m ready to play, today.  Look at me, I can be centerfield.  -John Fogerty

What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans?  I’ll tell you what’s crack-a-lacking.  Jacoby Ellsbury is crack-a-lacking.  That’s right,  Jacoby Ellsbury.  Attention please, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Fenway Park.  Now leading off, Ellsbury, center field, Ellsbury.  Ahhh, center field.  Once, the most glamorous position in all of baseball. Once the most the strawberry jamerous positon in all of baseball.  Dare I say it?  Once the grand slamerous position in all of baseball.  Once.  You shouldn’t grab me, Johnny.  My mother grabbed me once…Once!  It used to mean something to be the best center fielder in baseball.  Like it used to mean something to be the Heavyweight Champion of the World.  Like it used to mean something to be the Fastest Man Alive.  I still think it means something, dammit.  I’m Gumby dammit.     Read More »

Last time, Kenny Anderson lamented that he might have to sell a car from his fleet.  Last time, Patrick Ewing quipped, “Sure, we make a lot of money, but we spend a lot, too.”  This time, let’s see what Kobe Bryant has to say:

Peace out homies. Six two and even!

Higher they can soar!  Fired up for more!  Even out the score!  Go, go Power Rangers!   -Power Rangers Lyrics
The Texas Rangers have not lost since July 3.  The Texas Rangers hold a five game lead in the AL West.  How did this happen?  At the outset of the season, folks wondered how the Texas Rangers would fare without Cliff Lee.  At the outset of the season, folks thought the Rangers would  need some help in their starting rotation if they wanted to get back to the Promised Land.  At the outset of the season, even Nolan Ryan said his confidence “isn’t as high today…because of the concerns (we) have for certain segments of the club.”  That may be what Nolan Ryan said, but you know what George Bernard Shaw says.  George Bernard Shaw says, “Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.”  It appears there is time enough for the Texas Rangers.  It appears things are happening to them and their pitching staff.  Like my main man Navin R. Johnson always says, “‘I’m somebody now!  Millions of people look at this book everyday!  This is the kind of spontaneous publicity – your name in print – that makes people. I’m in print!  Things are going to start happening to me now!”         Read More »

Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did, looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid.  I’m still standing after all this time.  Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind.  -Elton John

Guess whos back, back again.  Izzy’s back, tell a friend.  That’s right sports fans, Jason Isringhausen is back.  Back with a vengeance.  Like my main Jack Kennedy always says, “We are tied to the ocean.  And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch – we are going back from whence we came.”  Jason Isringhausen is back from whence he came.  Back on the hill.  Back on the hill when the game is on the line.  Last night Jason Isringhausen was back on the hill when the game was on the line and recorded the 294th save of his major-league career.  Hooray Jason Isringhausen!  For those of you keeping score at home, that was Izzy’s first save since August 1, 2008.   For those of you keeping score at home, that’s a span of two years and 352 days.  For those of you keeping score at home, that’s the longest span between saves for a player who already had at least 250 saves to his credit.  The previous most: two years, 273 days, by Troy Percival (2005-08).  Pretty neat huh?     Read More »

You pull up at the function and you know I Kojak.  To all the party people that are on my bozak.  I’ve got more action than my man John Woo.  And I’ve got mad hits like I was Rod Carew.  -Beastie Boys

Miguel Cabrera made his major league debut on June 20, 2003 at 20 years old.  You know what else Miguel Cabrera did on June 20, 2003 , at 20 years old?  Huh?  Do ya?  On June 20, 2003 , at 20 years old, he hit a walk-off bomb in his first major league game.  That’s what Miguel Cabrera did on June 20, 2003 , at 20 years old.  He hasn’t slowed down since.  Last night, eight years later, Miggy had two hits in the Tigers’ loss to the White Sox.  Big deal you say?  Who cares you say?  I say the second hit marked the 1500th hit of his major league career.   I also say only one active player reached 1500 career hits at a younger age than Cabrera.  That player?  Alex Rodriguez.  A-Rod recorded hit No. 1500 back in 2003.  Just 63 days younger than Cabrera when he hit his.       Read More »

Listen to the music, shuffle up your feet.  Listen to the music of the fatty beat.  Lip up fatty, ah lip up fatty, for the reggae.  Lip up fatty, ah lip up fatty, for the reggae.  -Bad Manners

Just a little quick one.  Just a little run and stick one.  Run and stick it to the Yankees.  Last night the Yankees were hoping beyond hope that Bartolo Colon would return return to being the pitcher he was before the hamstring blew out.  But you know what Nietzche says.  Nietzche says “Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man.”  That torment looked a little something like this:  Colon lasted a paltry two-thirds of an inning while being charged with a ghastly eight runs in his start against the Blue Jays.  Yikes!  That’s bad.  That’s really bad.  How bad?  Glad you asked.  Colon is only the fourth pitcher in Yankees franchise history to allow eight or more first-inning runs in one game. The other Yankees to do that were Allan Russell (July 15, 1919 vs. Senators, 2nd game, eight runs), Andy Hawkins (Sept. 26, 1989 at Boston, eight runs) and Orlando Hernandez (June 18, 2000 vs. White Sox, nine runs).  Orlando Hernandez?  That begs the question:  Can Bartolo do the El Duque Dance? Not on that hammy he can’t!

Peace out Yankees. Six two and even!

The good folks over at the esteemed Fan Graphs may not dig Adrian Gonzalez, but Rocky does:

Peace out homies. Six two and even!

I’m a substitute for another guy.  I look pretty tall but my heels are high.  The simple things you see are all complicated.  I look pretty young, but I’m just back-dated, yeah.  -The Who

Back in 2008, Greg Dobbs was a member of the World F’n Champion Phiadelphia Phillies.  Back in 2008, Greg Dobbs proved his pinch-hitting prowess by completing back-to-back seasons leading the majors in pinch-hits.  Not just any pitch-hits mind you.  Big pinch-hits.  Clutch pinch-hits.  Big, clutch pinch-hits that were a vital part to the Phillies late-inning offense.  But next thing you know, old Jed’s a millionaire Dobbs went from setting a Phillies franchise pinch-hit record to going flat at the plate.  Next thing you know, old Jed’s a millionaire Dobbs went from being a fickle Phillie fan favorite to a forgotten figure.  Next thing you know, old Jed’s a millionaire Dobbs was sent down to the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs.  From champ to pig.  Just like that.  When I move, you move.  Just like that.  Hey DJ, play that back.     Read More »

Nobody nobody cares.  Nobody cares baby.  You know I’ve had my share.  It just ain’t fair.  It just ain’t fair.  -Aretha Franklin.

I don’t like this one.  I don’t like this one one bit.  You have to understand.  I hate this summamabitch.  I hate him more than all the other summamabitches.  Isiah too.  But that’s it.  Those two.  And that’s it.  Just this ashtray.  And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need.  And this remote control.  The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need.  And these matches.  The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball.  And this lamp.  That’s all I need.  I did not need this.  I did not need to hear that the judge in the Roger Clemens federal perjury trial abruptly declared a mistrial.  I feel like Arthur Kirkland.  I feel like screaming:  “You’re out of order!  You’re out of order!  The whole trial is out of order!  They’re out of order!  That man, that sick, crazy, depraved man, raped and beat that woman there, and he’d like to do it again!  He told me so!  It’s just a show!  It’s a show!  It’s “Let’s Make A Deal”!  “Let’s Make A Deal”!  Hey Frank, you wanna “Make A Deal”?  I got an insane judge who likes to beat the shit out of women!  Whaddya wanna gimme Frank, 3 weeks probation?           Read More »