Driving back to the big city today.  Hope y’all had a great holiday, I’ll see you tomorrow.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and even!

The elderly security guard shook his head slowly from side to side before sadly muttering under his breath, “boys will be boys.”:

Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!

In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.  -George Orwell

Public Knowledge: 

1.  Houston Rockets who?  Horton hears a what?  And I want the rest of you cowboys to know something, there’s a new sheriff in town.  And his name is Reggie Hammond. So y’all be cool.  Right on.  Wooo doggy!  How ’bout them Celtics?  I’m sick of this West Coast bias.  Just look at these Celtics.  Mowing down the West.  Showing down the West.  Quid pro quoing down the West Clarice, quid pro quo.  I don’t even know what that means.  What I do know is, the Celtics just smashed the defending World Champions from the West.  The Celtics just smashed the first place team in the West.  The red hot Rockets.  They ain’t pretty no more.  The Celtics have rolled to a 20-4 record versus the West.  9-4 against the nine teams competing for the playoffs.  The Boston Celtics.  The best basketball team in the world.

2.  March Madness.  It’s awesome baby!  PTPers.  Maalox Mashers.  Slap-a-lappers.  Dipsy-doo dunkeroo slam-jam-bams, baby!  It’s super.  It’s scintillating.  It’s sensational.  And it’s upon us.  What would the Madness be without the diaper dandies?  Last year it was Kevin Durant and Greg Oden.  This year we have Kevin Love.  This year we have Kyle Singler.  This year we have Eric Gordon.  This year we have Blake Griffin.  This year we have DeJuan Blair.  This year we have Derrick Rose.  This year we have the deepest freshman class we’ve seen in a while.  Now I like nothing better than a pretty girl smile, and I haven’t seen a smile that pretty in a while. 

This year we have OJ Mayo and Michael Beasley.  We have OJ Mayo and Michael Beasley Thursday.  I can’t wait.  I’m so excited.  And I just can’t hide it.  I’m about to lose control and I think I like it.  I like OJ Mayo.  In every class, there’s always one joker who thinks that he’s smarter than me.  In this class, that happens to be you.  Isn’t it, Mayo-nnaise?  Mayo has been smarter than everyone else since the seventh grade.  Swishing and dishing since the seventh grade.  Swooping and hooping since the seventh grade.  Bounding and astounding since the seventh grade. 

Things haven’t changed at USC.  Leads USC in scoring.  Leads USC in assists.  Leads USC in steals.  Leads USC in threes.  Trying to lead USC to the Promised Land.  Mister I ain’t a boy no I’m a man.  And I believe in a Promised Land.  Leading USC to the Promised Land because he had a midseason revelation.  A realization.  An epiphany.  Instead of trying to score all of the time, Mayo began playing the team game.  I’ve seen you guys can shoot but there’s more to the game than shooting.  There’s fundamentals and defense.  Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC have won five of their last six regular-season games.  Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC games have positioned themselves for this spot in the NCAA tourney.  Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC are looking towards the Promised Land.  But there’s somebody blocking Mayo’s way to the holiest of holies. 

There’s Michael Beasley.  And then there’s that old compromisin’, enterprisin’ anything but traqulizin’.  Right on Michael Beasley!  Michael Beasley has put together one of the finest seasons by a freshman in NCAA history.  Double-double toil and trouble.  Fire burn and cauldron bubble.  Double, double, toil and trouble something wicked this way comes.   Michael Beasley registered twenty-six double-doubles.  Michael Beasley broke the all-time freshman record set by Syracuse’s Carmelo Anthony in 2003.  Michael Beasley will be the consensus number one pick in the draft.  He is a beast.  Thursday night.  Win or go home!  Be there!

3.  Alexander Ovechkin.  The best Capital ever?  Better than the Jagrmeister?  Better than Olie the Goalie?  Better than Bonzai Bondra?  This is the second time that The Big O has reached the century mark.  Matching the total of 100-point seasons produced by all of the other players in the Capitals’ 33-season history combined!  Yowza!  Just so you know.  Just if you care.  Dennis Maruk had 136 points in 1981-82 and Mike Gartner had 102 in 1984-85.

4.  Here comes the Suns, doot ooon doootoo.  Brooke White style.  The Suns earned their fifth straight win last night.  Beat Portland 111-98 last night.  The Big Cactus had sixteen points and fifteen rebounds last night.   Houston Rockets who?  Horton hears a what?

5.  Quick question.  Who was more important to the Nets dominance back when they were dominant, Kidd or K-Mart?  Just asking.  I think K-Mart.  That’s just me.

6.  I never heard of Glen Taylor until last night.  Much like I never heard of Hank Steinbrenner until George died.  Two big mouths.  Nobody likes a big mouth.  I hate both those cats.

7.  Couldn’t happen to a nicer team.  DeAngelo Hall to the Oakland Raiders.  See number six.

8.  Kevin Love will be an excellent pro.  Hansboro.  I’m not so sure.

9.  Yo, Sal, we’re gonna boycott your fat pasta ass. The Boston Red Sox are boycotting the Japan games.  The Boston Red Sox decided unanimously to protest MLB’s decision not to extend a $40,000 appearance fee to all team coaches making the trip.  Jimmy Hoffa would be proud.

10.  How do the Yankees suck?  Let me count the ways.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.  -Andre Gide 

Public Knowledge: 

1.  Yankees first baseman’s Sandy Shelly Duncan, slides into second base with his Takeo Spikes raised.  Bench-clearing donnybrook ensues.  Two players and two coaches ejected.  If this happens in the NBA, it’s a thug league.  NBA teams should be referred to as gangs.  Blah, blah, blah.  It happens in baseball, it’s part of the game.   It’s a travesty.  It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.

2.  On the other hand:

3.  Everybody loves the Spurs.  Me too.  But this stat may be telling in how far they go.  With their loss to the Hornets last night, the Spurs record dropped to 9-11 this season in games against the top eight teams in the Western Conference.  Not so jingly.  Not so jangly.  In games between teams from the West that would qualify for the playoffs if the season ended today, only Phoenix has a worse record than San Antonio. 

4.  Chris Paul is good.  Real good.  How good?  Consider this.  Consider CP3 made twelve of the Hornets’ forty-four field goals last night.  Consider CP3 assisted on seventeen others.  Consider CP3 has either made or assisted 48.3 percent of his team’s field goals this season.  No NBA player has finished a season having a hand in such a high percentage of his team’s field goals since your boy, John Stockton in 1990-91.  Yowza!  That’s good. Just so you know. Tiny Archibald has the record. 1973. Kansas City Kings. Tiny led the NBA in scoring and dimes, becoming the first and so far only player ever to win the titles in both categories in the same season. 53.5%. Goodness!

5.  He shoots.   He scores!  My man.  Alexander Ovechkin.  My man, Alexander Ovechken had two goals last night.  Wait, that’s not the good part.  This is the good part.  Alexander Ovechkin had two goals last night on eleven shots.  Eleven shots.  What can I say?  The guy takes a lot of shots.  How many shots?  That was the 17th time that Ovechkin had 10-or-more shots on goal in a game in his three seasons in the league.  That matches the number of double-digit-shot games over the last three seasons by the next four players on the list combined.  That matches Olli Jokinen, Jaromir Jagr, Ilya Kovalchuk and Mats Sundin combined.  That’s a lot of shots.  Who else is gonna take ‘em?  Quintin Lainge?

6.  I love Josh Hamilton.  First pick in the draft.  Four million dollar bonus baby.  Drafted ahead of Boom Boom Beckett with the overall top pick.  Played some minor league ball.  Got hurt.  Got hooked on the horse.  Lost three years of his life.  Lost three years waiting for his man.  Lost three years and the twenty-six dollars in his hand.  Lost three years up to Lexington, 1-2-5.  Lost three years feeling sick and dirty, more dead than alive.  Lost three years waiting for his man.  But like Jack Torrance, he’s baaack.  Back and as good as ever.  Back with the Texas Rangers.  First in Ribbies this spring with the Texas Rangers. Second in batting this spring with the Texas Rangers.  Smashing it with the Texas Rangers.  Mashing it with the Texas Rangers.  Taking a hammer and bashing it with the Texas Rangers.  Old Teammate Ryan Freel:  “He’s a great story.”  He certainly is Ryan, he certainly is.

7.  Uh oh.  What’s this?  A Greg Oden sighting?  Greg Oden went through the drills at about half speed and reportedly looked much like he did before his surgery.  Good news for Blazers fans.  Real good news.  Greg Oden will take Brandon Roy and the rest Trail Blazers straight to the Promised Land.  Mister I ain’t a boy, no I’m a man.  And I believe in a promised land.  I believe in Greg Oden.

8.  Phat Albert Winnie the Pujols is confident he can make it through another season.  Phat Albert Winnie the Pujols is confident he can make it through the rest of his career.  Make it without needing reconstructive surgery.  Love is all around, no need to waste it.  You can have a town, why don’t you take it.  You’re gonna make it after all.  I sure hope so.  I took him in the first round (9th overall) on my fantasy team.

9.  I can’t do this without talking about my Celtics, can I?  My streaking Celtics.  My peaking Celtics.  My freaking Celtics.   Ah, freak out!  Le freak, c’est chic.  Freak out!  The Celtics are in the middle of their longest winning streak in nearly 22 years.  The Boston Celtics‘ confidence continues to grow.  Their confidence continues to grow just in the nick of time.  Just in the nick of time as they eye their toughest road trip of the season.  It’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the cream of the fight.  Roll Celtics, roll!

10.  Yes Virginia, the Yankees still suck.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes.  -Mark Twain

Public Knowledge: 

1.  King James.  Long live the King.  King James recorded his seventeenth career triple double last night.  Triple trouble.  LeBron is now tied for twenty-first all time.  Tied for twenty-first all time with Scottie Pippen and Bill Russell.  Now, if they only counted blocks back then, would the King still be tied with Russell?  I don’t think so. Wait, it gets better.  LeBron led the Cavs in points, rebounds and assists last night.  The 46th time in his career he led the Cavs in points, rebounds and assists.  Since 2004, James’ first season in the NBA, only one player has done that more.  That’s right, my man, the Big Ticket.

2.  Dwyane Wade will miss the remainder of the season.  Will miss the remainder of the season so he can further rehabilitate his surgically repaired left knee.  Maybe it’s me, but I don’t think the Flash will ever return to his old flashiness.  Think Ken Griffey Jr.  Think Yao.  Think Eric Lindros.   Think Grant Hill.  Think Terrell Davis.  Think those guys there.  Oh, what could have been.

3.  No gnews is good gnews.  Here’s the good gnews.  Team doctors have told Boom Boom Beckett his sore back is gnot result of a disc problem.  Phew!  Here’s the bad gnews.   Boom Boom Beckett is still hurting, and gnot planning to throw again until the problem is resolved.  Let’s get that problem solved before opening day, shall we?  Roll Sox roll!

4.  Often imitated, never duplicated.  Dikembe Mutombo:

5.  Shaun Alexander is not a happy man.  He thought he was stabbed in the back before.  Paul Pierce style.  He thinks he was stabbed in the back again.  The Seattle Seahawks have just announced the signing of running back Orange Julius Jones.  The second running back Seattle has signed in the last week (TJ Duckett).  Shaun Alexander is a running back with talent.  Loads of talent.  Bucket loads of talent.  Truck loads of talent.  Talent that has been decimated by injuries.  It looks like his days in Seattle are numbered. 

6.  She said it’s really not my habit to intrude.  Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued.  But I’ll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude.  There must be fifty ways to leave your lover.  Fifty baby, fifty!  The Celtics beat the 76ers to become the first team to 50 wins this season.  Woooo doggy!   It has been 22 seasons since Boston was the first team to 50 wins all by themselves back in 1986.  You know what happened then.  They won a championship then.  They say the next big thing is here, that the revolution’s near.  But to me it seems quite clear that it’s all just a little bit of history repeating.

7.  Everybody’s yipping about Johann’s start yesterday.  Everybody’s yapping about how great he was.  What about my boy?  Huh?  What about Jon Lester?  Here are the lines.

Johann:   4IP  2H  0R  0ER  0BB  4K

Lester:    4IP  2H  0R  0ER  1BB  5K

I’m just saying…

8.  Just so you know.  Not for nothing.  Not that it means anything.  Jeremy Shockey’s house just hit the market.  Hmmmmm.  So if have 2 Mil lying around, love NYC views, then call your local real estate agent.

9.  Don’t look now, here come the New York Rangers.  It took a while but the Rangers are hot.  Red hot.  My gal is red hot.  Your girl ain’t doodely squat.  The Rangers have now earned at least one point in each of their last 10 road games.  That matches the second-longest streak of its kind in team history and the longest since 1972-73.  Since Jean Ratelle.  Since Brad Park.  Since Rod Gilbert.  These new look Rangers are suddenly on a roll.  Suddenly Susan.  Suddenly on a roll and challenging for top spot in the Prince of Whales Conference.

10.  Yankees still suck!

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened.  -Winston Churchill

Public Knowledge:

1.  Triple double.  Triple trouble.  No, not Jason Kidd.  The Mamba and Kung Pau each had at least 10 field goals, 10 free throws and 10 rebounds last night.  Yowza!  The last pair of NBA teammates to each record that kind of triple-double in a non-overtime game was Nascar pitch man Brad Daugherty and 3-Time NBA All-Star 1984 NBA Slam Dunk Contest Champion Larry Nance back on January 12, 1991. 

2.  Brett Favre retires.  For good.  We think.  Oh, yes, they call him the Streak.  Look at that, look at that.  He likes to show off his physique.  Look at that, look at that.  If there’s an audience to be found, he’ll be streakin’ around.  Invitin’ public critique.  Brett’s streak is the most incredible run in all of sports.  Makes Cal look like a sissy.  Favre won a Super Bowl.  Favre won three MVPs.  Favre completed more passes than anyone in history.  But it is the streak that will be his legacy.  253.  275 if you include the post-season.  Like 56.  Like 2,632.  Like those numbers there, only tougher.  Brett Favre, the toughest quarterback who ever lived.  Now that’s a legacy.

3.  Craig Anderson is hot.  En fuego.  En Flambe.  Craig Anderson, goalie for the Florida Panthers is scorching.  Craig Anderson set an NHL record on Sunday by making 53 saves in a shutout vs. the Islanders.  He followed that with a 40-save shutout performance last night against my Big Bad Bruins.  Well folks, that’s another NHL record.  Set another NHL record by facing 93 shots over a two-game span without allowing a goal.  Goodness!  The old record was held by the Dominator.  Hasek faced 75 shots over consecutive games without allowing a goal in 1997. 

4.  Hasta la vista Warren Sapp.  Sapp made seven Pro Bowls, won the 1999 Associated Press Defensive Player of the Year award, and led Tampa Bay’s dominant defense that won the Super Bowl after the 2002 season.  He also smokes a lot of pot.   Aloha, Mr. hand.  Aloha, Warren Sapp. 

5.  The Supersonics to Oklahoma City just got closer.   Oklahoma City voters approved a sales tax extension Tuesday to fund $121.6 million in improvements to a downtown arena and build a practice facility in hopes of luring an NBA team.  I just don’t like it.  I don’t like it one bit.

6.  Paging Mr. Herman.  Mr. Pee Wee Herman.  Pee Wee Herman is a Boston Red Sox Scout.  Who knew?

7.  Pat Summitt, you’re the next coach of the New York Knicks.  Not really.  But that would be something.  Wouldn’t it?

8.  Giving up that brotherly love.  How bout them 76ers?  How bout that Andre Miller?  How bout that Eastern Conference’s Player of the Week for the second time in a month?  Last week, Miller averaged 23.0 points.  Last week, Miller averaged 77 cents.  Last week, Miller averaged 5.3 rebounds and two steals.  Holy Cow!  He outscored the opposing point 69-27.  Outscored Boom Dizzle.  Outscored Steve Nash.   He recorded his fifth double-double in his last 14 games.  Play-offs baby.  Play-offs.  Celtics.  Pistons.  Sixers.  These are the good ole days. 

9.  Can I kick it?  Yes you can.  Not anymore you can’t.  El Duque says he either has to alter the knee-to-chin portion of his windup or eliminate it completely if he wants to continue to pitch in the major leagues.  That’s a dirty rotten crying shame.  One of the great wind-ups in all of baseball.  Signature motion.  Everybody’s doin’ a brand new dance now.  C’mon baby do the loco-motion.  Do the loco-motion with me.  Loco-motion like El Tiante.  Loco-motion like Dontrelle Willis.  Loco-motion like Fernando Valenzuela.  Loco-motion like Vida Blue.  So come on, come on.  Do the loco-motion with me.

10.  Yankees still suck!

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts.  -Daniel Patrick Moynihan.

Public Knowledge: 

1.  The Pittsburgh Steelers and quarterback Big Ben Roethlisberger have agreed to a new eight-year, $102 million contract.  He deserves it.  Big Ben has compiled a 39-16 career record as a starting quarterback.  Pretty dern good if you ask me.  Only two other quarterbacks have won as many starts in their first four NFL seasons.  Only two.  Two for tea.  Just me for you and you for me.  Just Dan Marino and Otto Graham.  Pretty dern good,

2.  Happy Wilt day LeBron.  As of today, King James is exactly the same age, 23 years, 64 days, as the Stilt was for his NBA debut on October 29, 1959.  On that day, Wilt scored 43 points with 28 rebounds for the Philadelphia Warriors.  No other player in the league’s history had even 40 points or 25 rebounds in his NBA debut.  Not LeBron.  Not Kobe.  Not MJ.  Not nobody.  The big question is, will anybody else reach 20,000 women?

3.  The Knickerbockers clinched it.  The Knicks just clinched their seventh straight losing season.  The Knicks just clinched their second-longest losing streak in franchise history.  Marbury should be happy.  He’s not allowed to watch.  I wish I wasn’t allowed to watch.  I am.  I keep watching.  I just can’t help but watch the freak show.  The biggest embarrassment in sports.

4.  I know Chris Paul has been tearing it up.  Scaring it up.  Sharing it up.  But how ’bout Deron Williams?  How ’bout him?  Deron Williams had his second 20-assist game of the season last night.  Canadian Idol, Steve Nash had two 20-assist games last season.  Before that, no player had done it twice in a season since Avery Johnson done did it in 1997-98. Yowza!  Williams also had a 21-assist game last season.  Since Williams entered the league, the only player with more 20-assist games is Mr. Nash himself.  Pretty dern good.

5.  This just in.  Alexander Ovechkin is good.  Real good.  Ovechkin is one of only five players in NHL history to score at least 50 goals in two of his first three seasons.  Mike Bossy and Wayne Gretzky both scored 50 or more goals in each of their first three seasons.   Joe Nieuwendyk and Pavel Bure also did it in two of their first three seasons.  But bdee, bdee, bdee, that’s not all folks.  Ovechkin is just the third Russian to reach 50 goals at least twice in his career.  Bure did it five times and Alexander Mogilny did it twice.  But bdee, bdee, bdee, that’s not all folks.  El Ocho reached the 50-goal mark in the Caps‘ 67th game.  The fastest any NHL player has made it to that milestone since the 1995-96 season.  The fastest since Jaromir Jagr, Super Mario and Mogilny.  Bdee, bdee, bdee, that’s all folks. 

6.  Done deal in Boston.  Randy Moss signs.  One word.  Redemption.

7.  Done deal in Boston.  Sam I Am signs.  One word.  Redemption.

8.  Boom Goes The Dynamite!

9.  Yao has successful surgery on his foot.  One great step for China.  One small step for the Rockets.

10.  Yankees still suck!

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report!  Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can’t make head or tail of it.  -Groucho Marx

Public Knowledge:

1.  Rest in Peace Myron Cope:

2.  So now the leaders of a House committee want the Justice Department to investigate if Rocket Roger Clemens lied under oath about using performance-enhancing drugs.  All I know is, this thing is going to cost a lot of time and a lot of money.  A lot of time and a lot of money to find out what we already know.  Roger Clemens used.  Why couldn’t he have just told the truth?  Honestly, would anyone have cared?  Jason Giambi?  He told the truth.  He got Comeback Player of the Year.  Andy Pettitte?  He told the truth.  He got himself a fresh new contract.  Roger Clemens?  He lied.  He’s going to jail.

3.  How are the Hornets still buzzing below the radar?  You saw them last night.  You saw them last night against Steve Nash and the mighty Phoenix Suns.  You saw them complete a four-game sweep against Steve Nash and the mighty Phoenix Suns.  Steve Nash and the mighty Phoenix Suns hadn’t been swept in a season-series of at least four games since 2003-04.  I guess the Hornets have arrived.  Chris Paul has arrived.  Chris Paul had 25 points and a dollar fitty last night.  Steve Nash had a meager eight points and a paltry buck thirty.  In four head-to-head meetings this season, Paul has had one more assist than Nash while outscoring him by an average of more than ten points per game.  MVP?  What say you?

4.  Larry Hughes had a game-high twenty-nine points last night.  Drew Gooden had fifteen rebounds last night.  Wally Szczerbiak went three for thirteen last night.  Ben Wallace had six rebounds last night.  I’m just saying.

5.  Uh oh.  Here come the Raptors.  An adventure 65 Million years in the making.  Well, thirteen years in the making, but you get my drift.  Like Dr. Ellie Sattler always says:  “I was overwhelmed by the power of this place; but I made a mistake, too.  I didn’t have enough respect for that power and it’s out now.”  Yes, it’s out now.  The Raptors have won three in a row and five of six.  In their five previous games, the Raptors’ average point differential was 11.6.  Good for third in the NBA behind the Los Angeles Lakers and Houston Rockets.  The Lakers and the Rockets who, with winning streaks of nine and 13 games, respectively, are the hottest teams in the NBA.  In the East, there’s been a lot of talk about the Celtics.  In the East, there’s been a lot of talk about the Pistons.  In the East, somebody better start talking about the Raptors. 

6.  Jeremy Roenick?  Really?  That Jeremy Roenick?  The Pride of Thayer Academy?  That Jeremy Roenick?  Over 100 points for three-straight seasons?  That Jeremy Roenick?  I thought he died.  I guess the reports of his demise were greatly exaggerated.  Jeremy Roenick had the game-winning goal for the Sharks’ last night. He only has ten goals this entire season.  But, but, seven of them have been game-winners.   Yowza!  In NHL history, only two other players had seven game-winners in their first ten or fewer goals of a season.  Wanna know who they are?  Huh?  Do ya?  Sure you do.   Both of them were defensemen.  Does that help?  The Maple Leafs’ Tim Horton hears a who in 1963-64 and that slap shooting fool, Al MacInnis in 1999-2000.

7.  I was gonna do a little a fantasy baseball thing.  I’m not.  Who knows?  I’m in so many leagues, I just may be in one with you.  I’m not helping you.  

8.    No grunting allowed.  A 9-year-old Australian girl has been banned from playing tennis at her local club over the noise she makes while competing.  Are you listening Maria Sharapova?  Are you listening Serena Williams?  Are you listening Monica Seles?  See what happens?  See what you guys started?  Hope you’re happy now.

9.  Ty Law has been released by the Kansas City Chiefs.  Ty Law was courtside at Boston’s Bank North Garden last night.  Are you thinking what I’m thinking?  I would like that.  I would like that a lot.

10.  I got my eye on this Milan Lucic character.  The Boston Bruins Milan Lucic.  Nineteen year-old Milan Lucic.  The next Terry O’Reilly. 

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Myths which are believed in, tend to become true.  -George Orwell

Public Knowledge: 

1.  Tony Kornheiser thinks I’m a toad.  That’s not very nice.  Kornheiser: 

Some people sit at home and they watch TV and they watch radio and they “blog” about certain “things,” and they think they know what they’re talking about, and they think they have sources.  They have no sources.  They make stuff up.  They’re toads.  They’re little toads. Actually, they’re pimples on the behind of the greater body politic in this country and in this city.  And because, because they have access to airwaves and three or four people read them, they think, ‘Oh, I’m very important.’  In fact, in fact, if a huge dumpster landed on their mother’s house, and got all the way into the basement and crushed them, nobody would care.  Nobody would miss them.  They provide nothing good, no service that’s any good at all.  They, they are, they are, they are sucking mole rats, and that’s the nicest I can be to them.

Now my feelings are hurt.  I’ve had nothing but nice things to say about Tony.  I’ve stuck up for him.  Clearly he’s not talking about me, is he?

2.  Big boobs set to do Roger in.  The Daily News has written that in the days since the Feb. 13 public hearing on steroids in baseball, another major leaguer has informed congressional investigators that Clemens often joked in the clubhouse about a memorable account of the party – a scene in which Debbie Clemens and Canseco’s ex-wife Jessica compared the results of their surgical breast enhancements.  So many jokes, so little time. 

3.  It appears the Sam I Am buyout is imminent.  The Celtics, Dallas Mavericks and Denver Nuggets are all preparing to make Cassell an offer once he clears waivers in 48 hours.  I know have made overtures for Cassell in the past, but like Mark McGwire, I’m not here to talk about the past.  I’m here to talk about the future.  The future of the Boston Celtics.  And I hope Brent Barry is a part of that future.  Brent Barry is a winner.  He helped capture NBA Titles in the River City with the Big Fundamental and Tony Parker.   Brent Barry is a team-first guy.   He doesn’t pout over minutes.  He doesn’t pout over shots.  Brent Barry has already successfully manned a backcourt with Sugar Ray Allen before.  Barry had a great half-season run in the Emerald City next to Ray Ray.  He’s big.  He hits the three.  He plays defense.  He has a big basketball IQ.   Check out the big brain on Brent!  He’s a smart motherfucker.  Danny Ainge would be a smart motherfucker too if he would just sign this guy. 

4.  Bonds to the Rays?  It makes no sense to me.  The Rays are denying it.  They just cleaned up their clubhouse this winter.  Gone is Delmon Young.  Gone is Elijah Dukes.  So adding perhaps the biggest distraction in baseball doesn’t seem to fit.  But consider this fun factoid.   Barry Bonds has played 2,986 major league games.  All in the National League.  If Bonds does play for Tampa Bay, or any American League team for that matter, he will be only the second player in Major League history to switch leagues after playing at least his first 2,600 games in the other league.  Now here’s the kicker.  Do you know who the other guy is?  Huh?  Do ya.  Hammerin’ Hank Aaron.  That’s who.  Que ironico!

5.  Look who’s back.  Back again.  Peter Forsberg’s back.  Tell a friend.  Tell a friend Peter Forsberg signed a one-year contract with the Avalanche.  Just so you know, Foppa has 623 assists in 697 NHL games.  For you non-math majors, that’s an average of 0.89 assists per game.  That’s pretty good.  How good?  I’m glad you asked.  Only three players in NHL history have a higher career assist-per-game average than Forsberg.  Only three.  Can you guess?  The Great One blessed be he, Wayne Gretzky with 1.32/game.  Super Mario Lemieux with 1.13/game.  And number four Bobby Orr, the pride of Parry Sound with .98/game.  Not a bad little list of guys if I do damn say so my own damn self.

6.  Let’s all hope for the best for Mark DeRosa.  Chicago Cubs second baseman Mark DeRosa has left spring training in Arizona to undergo further tests on his heart at a Chicago hospital.  Chicago Cubs second baseman Mark DeRosa is one of the good guys.  Played high school ball down the road from me at Bergen Catholic HS in Jersey.  Was All-State in both football and baseball while he was there.  Went on to Penn.  Started at quarterback besides being on the baseball team.  The Cubs have stressed that DeRosa’s condition isn’t life-threatening, and DeRosa said he hopes to be back on the playing field in a week.  I sure hope so.  That’s where he belongs.

7.  This just in.  Texas basketball is good.  Since the disheartening loss in College Station four weeks ago, Texas has elevated its play to put together an eight game winning streak.  11-1 in their last twelve.  They beat Kansas.  They beat UCLA.  They beat Tennessee.  They beat Kansas State last night.  If there is any justice, the burnt orange will be a Number One Seed.  There isn’t.  They won’t.  Texas Fight, Texas Fight!  For it’s Texas that we love best.  Hail, hail, the gang’s all here, and it’s good-bye to all the rest! 

8.  Bartolo Colon.  It what it is.  Upside only.  No harm, no foul.  If the Red Sox get just a taste of the 2005 Colon, great.  Super.  Wonderful.  Wunderbar.  Merveilleux.  Fantastico.  Maravilosso.  Magnifico.  If not, no big deal.

9.  Yankees still suck.  Maybe worse than ever.  They are no longer the team to beat and they know it.  A-Broad:  “This is the first time in my five years we are not the team to beat.”   Ha ha ha ha!

10.  Where’s George Steinbrenner?  In the same cave as Bin Laden?  Is his head already frozen next to Teddy Ballgame’s?  And where did this Hank Steinbrenner cat come from.  Has he been around all this time and I just missed him?  A few months ago, I never knew he existed.  Now, he’s like Savoir Faire.  Savoir Faire is everywhere.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right; a single experiment can prove me wrong.  -Albert Einstein

Public Knowledge:

1.  For my nephew.  Cockfighting.  A centuries-old blood sport.  Practiced for centuries in various countries.  It’s wrong.  Plain and simple.  As wrong as Michael Vick.  Unfortunately, in the Dominican, it’s not illegal.  Pedro:  “I understand that people are upset, but this is part of our Dominican culture and it is legal in the Dominican Republic.  I was invited by my idol Juan Marichal to attend the event as a spectator and not as a participant.”  I’m almost as disturbed that Juan Marichal is Pedro’s idol as I am about the cockfighting.  Hee hee hee cockfighting.  I giggle every time I type it.  I’m just surprised Marichal didn’t take a bat to one of the cocks.  Johnny Roseboro style. 

2.  Clemens/McNamee.  I told you this was gonna get good.  Well, it’s getting good.  Real good.  Somebody’s lying.  Somebody’s not.  Somebody’s going to jail.  Somebody’s not.  Oh, what tangled webs we weave.  Looks to me like the Rocket is weaving himself right out of immortality.

3.  The Patriots loss was hard for me.  Very hard.  Johnny Wad Holmes hard.  But not as hard as 1978.  In 1978 the Patriots lost Darryl Stingley.  They call him assassin.  They call him douche bag.  The Patriots lost their head coach, Chuck Fairbanks, Rich Rodriguez style.  The Patriots got run over roughshod by the Tyler Rose, Earl Campbell and the Houston Oilers, Houston Oilers, Houston Oilers number one in the first round of the playoffs.  That was harder.  Not for nothing, that’s the same year of Bucky Godammed Dent.  That’s the same year the Bruins put six men on the ice and blew their chance at an impossible dream of their own against the mighty mighty Montreal Canadiens in the post season.  That’s the same year John Y. Brown and Phyllis George ran my beloved Celtics into the ground.  This year’s been a little bit better to say the least.

4.  I love Ocho Cinco.  I do.  I just wish he’d shut the hell up.  Hello, this is Chuck to remind Bill to SHUT UP!  Night Shift style. 

5.  Call off the implosion.  Look who’s back.  Dany Heatley’s back.  Dany Heatly had two goals and an assist in his first game back after a shoulder injury.  The Ottawa Senators beat the Florida Panthers 5-4 last night.  I guess rumors of the Senators’ demise have been greatly exaggerated.

6.  Yaoza, Yaoza, Yaoza!  Yao Ming wins the battle between the Players of the Month.  Yao Ming had 22 points and 12 rebounds against the LeBrons last night.  Yao Ming led the Rockets to victory last night.  He’s been doing a lot of that lately.  Yao led the Rockets to a 10-4 month.  He has averaged 22.4 points, 10.9 rebounds and 2.4 assists.  In a 111-107 win over Golden State he tied his season-highs in points, rebounds and free throws made.  He matched his career best with five consecutive double-doubles.  He is the only player in the Western Conference to be averaging at least 20.0 points, 10.0 rebounds and 2.0 blocks this season.  Now if he could just get out of the first round of the playoffs. 

7.  Little Stevie Francis.  Little Stevie Franchise.  Houston Rockets guard Steve Francis will have season-ending surgery to repair a torn quadriceps tendon in his right knee, but expects to play again next season.  For who? 

8.  Curt Schilling talks about his shoulder. 

9.  Getting Giggy with it.  Jean-Sebastien Giguere.  Don’t call it a comeback.  Last week, Giggy was pulled from back-to-back games for the first time in 135 starts.  Once, twice, three times a goalie.  This week, over the last three games, immediately following getting pulled, Giguere has faced 78 shots.  Giguere has stopped 77 of them.  Two shutouts.  Three wins.  Goodness!

10.  Follow my Fantasy Baseball draft to end all Fantasy Baseball drafts here.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!