I’m like Tyson icin’, I’m a soldier at war.  I’m makin’ sure you don’t try to battle me no more.  I’m bad.  -LL Cool J

Remember the Big Bad Bruins.  The Big Bad Bruins’ tears could cure cancer.  Too bad they never cried.  When the Boogeyman went to sleep every night, he checked his closet for the Big Bad Bruins.  And just so you know, Superman wore Big Bad Bruins pajamas.  The Big Bad Bruins were one of the league’s top teams from the late 1960s into the 1980s.  Big guys.  Bad guys.  Tough guys.  Guys like Stan Jonathan.  Guys like Wayne Cashman, Terry O’Reilly and Peter McNab.  But the biggest and baddest of all the Big Bad Bruins was one Robert Gordon Orr.  Johnny Pie McKenzie:   ”The best fighter in the history of hockey was Bobby Orr.  Nobody had better leverage on his skates and nobody had quicker hands, so he could have licked anybody he wanted to.  If he wanted to.”  Good thing for the rest of the league he only licked the people he needed to.  But I’m like Mark McWire.  I’m not here to talk to the past.  And on the cool check in.  Center stage on the mic and we’re puttin’ it on wax.  It’s the new style Big Bad Bruins.           Read More »

(VS 7PM ET)  I hate the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets.  I hate the Los Angeles Lakers.  I hate the New York Yankees.  And in hockey, I hate the Montreal Canadiens.  I know, that’s a lot of hate.  Martin Luthur King Jr. once said, “I have decided to stick with love.  Hate is too great a burden to bear.”  I have big shoulders.  I’ll bear that burden.  As the Bruins and Habs have met each other more often than any two teams in the regular season and playoffs, it seems I’ve been bearing it my whole life.  I first bore it in 1979.  In 1979, in a semi-final Game 7, the Bruins were caught with too many men on the ice.  Next thing you know, Guy Lafleur slaps in the game tying goal.  Next thing you know, Yvon Lambert puts in the winner winner chicken dinner in overtime.  Next thing you know, the Canadiens go on to a fourth successive Stanley Cup.  I’ve been bearing it ever since.  The puck stops here!  The puck stops tonight!  It stops tonight because Tim Thomas says so.  Thomas is the best goalie in hockey today.  He leads just about every goaltending category with a nearly unbeatable 25-6-6 record, an astounding 1.80 GAA, an eyepopping .945 save percentage and an otherwordly seven shutouts.  The Adams Division is at stake.  All that’s missing is that good old fashioned Bruins theme song. Get your popcorn ready!

Peace out homies!  Six Two and Even!

Hey young world, heres a rule for the non cool… your life, dont drool, dont be a fool like those that dont go to school.  Get ahead… and accomplish things, youll see the wonder and the joy life brings.  Hey young world.  -Slick Rick

Rookie rookie, who gets the cookie?  All of them, that’s who.  Well damn near all of them.  Wrecked ‘em?  Damn near killed ‘em.  The New Jersey Devils’ rookies wrecked’em last night.  Damn near killed ‘em last night. In New Jersey’s 3-2 overtime win against Carolina, all five goals were scored by rookies.  Hooray rookies!  Two goals were scored by the Devils’ Mattias Tedenby, two by the Hurricanes’ Jeff Skinner and one by the Devils’ Nick Palmieri.                Read More »

Remember after the fire, after all the rain, I will be the flame.  I will be the flame.  -Cheap Trick

Don’t look now sports fans, here come the Flames!  Is another Red Mile celebration in their future?  There is if Brendon Morrison has anything to say about it.  Calgary has just extended their winning streak to six games with a 4-2 victory in Atlanta.  Hooray Calgary!  Brendan Morrison, who put the biscuit in basket for the Flames’ second goal on Thursday night, is the Flames’ leading scorer with seven points during the streak including at least one point in all six games.  Hooray Brendan Morrison!    Read More »

She’s goin’ to the bottom and she’s goin’ down the drain.  She got to get behind the mule.  She got to get behind the mule.  -Tom Wait

Long before Nate Robinson dubbed himself and Big Baby “Shrek and Donkey“, Johan Franzen was dubbed “Mule”.  Johan Franzan was dubbed “Mule” by Steve Yzerman.  As a rookie in 2005, Johan Franzen whizzed past Yzerman on the ice.  A nickname was born.  Yzerman:  “He’s big and strong and he reminded me of a mule that day.”  The Mule played big and strong last night.  Played big and strong and scored five goals for the Red Wings in their 7-5 win at Ottawa.  Hooray Mule!  Franzan usually saves games like these for the playoffs.  Franzen set a Detroit Red Wings playoff record with six points and tied another in the same game with four goals against the San Jose Sharks in the playoffs.  Coach Babcock:  “Mule is a 40-goal scorer in this league, as far as I’m concerned.”  I don’t know about all that, but I know one thing.  I know he’s one dangerous man mule.

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

Hey young world… the world is yours.  Hey young world… the world is yours.  Young world, young world… the world is yours.  -Slick Rick

When Jeff Skinner was named to the NHL All-Star Game yesterday as an injury replacement, it made him the NHL’s youngest All-Star of all time.  Sort of.  Back in the day, back in the Eddie Shore hockey days, the defending Stanley Cup champions used to play against a selection of players from the other five teams.  Back in the day, back in the Eddie Shore hockey days,  it was the Toronto Maple Leafs  playing in a lot of those games against a selection of players from the other five teams.  In one such game, in 1947, Fleming MacKell of Toronto, in his first NHL game ever, played at the ripe young age of 18 years, 5 months, and 13 days.  So in reality, Jeff Skinner is the NHL’s youngest All-Star selection of all time.   See, I can handle things!  I’m smart!  Not like everybody says… like dumb… I’m smart and I want respect!  You know who else wants respect?  Huh?  Do ya?  Sure you do.  Jeff Skinner wants respect and I say he gets it in this year’s edition of the NHL All-Star Game.  Hooray Jeff Skinner!         Read More »

It’s Tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that’s right on time.  It’s Tricky…it’s Tricky.  Tricky  Tricky Tricky.  -Run DMC

Many of you have probably seen the above TV commercial in which Alex Ovechkin scores nine goals in one game and dubs it an “Ovechtrick.”  Well, we here at JQP Productions are happy to report that Alex did indeed complete an “Ovechtrick” last night in the Capitals’ overtime loss to the Flyers.  Kind of.  Sort of.  Ovechkin’s goal in the third period was his ninth goal… in 36 games since November 1.  Ovie Ovie Ovie…oi oi oi!

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

Now we crash through walls, cut through floors, bust through ceilings and knock down doors.  And when we’re on the tape, we’re fresh out the box.  You can hear our sound for blocks and blocks.  -Run DMC

Hockey Krishnas rejoice!  Hockey hockey!  Krishna Krishna!  That’s right.  Hockey talk.  Minnesota Wild talk.  Cal Clutterbuck talk.  Hooray Cal Clutterbuck!  Here’s all you need to know about Clutterbuck.  This cat hits.  Don’t listen to Don Cherry.  Don’t call this guy “Buttercup.”  Make no mistakes, like my main man Iron Mike Tyson always says, “He hits like a fucking mule kick.”  He hits early and he hits often.  So often in fact, he broke the NHL record for hits in the 2008–09 season with 356.  Clutterbuck also broke the record in a game that same year against the New York Islanders.  This guy isn’t known to be a big scoreR.  This guy isn’t known to be a top playmaker.  No siree Bobby.  Instead, he’s a hard-nosed player who will hit anything that isn’t wearing the same-colored jersey as his.                 Read More »

Is she really going out with him?  Is she really gonna take him home tonight?  Is she really going out with him?  ‘Cause if my eyes don’t deceive me, there’s something going wrong around here.  -Joe Jackson

Holy schnikies!  I should have known something was up.  I should have known it  when Billy Buckner returned to the Red Sox in 1990 and received a rousing standing ovation from the Fenway Faithful.  I should have known it when Billy Goat threw out the first pitch to Dewey Evans at the Sox home opener as they unfurled their 2007 World Series Championship Banner and received yet another rousing standing ovation from the Fenway Faithful.  I should have.  I didn’t.  I certainly didn’t see this coming.  I didn’t see Buckner being hired to manage the Brockton (Mass.) Rox, a team in the independent Can-Am League.  Bill Buckner played for over twenty years in the bigs.  Bill Buckner accumulated over 2700 career hits.  In one fateful moment Bill Buckner ruined my life forever.  Or at least until 2004.  And now this?  Now he’s the manager of a local ball club?  Why it’s a travesty.  It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.  What’s next?   Read More »

Yes, I’m a lover not a fighter.  Yes, I’m a lover not a fighter.  And I’m really built for speed.  I’m really built for speed.  -The Kinks

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Colton Orr is better known for his fighting than his shooting.  That may be so, but last night, he  scored the winner winner chicken dinner for the Maple Leafs in their 3-1 victory over the Panthers.   Hooray Colton Orr!  Sure it was ugly.  Sure, he plowed  over Panthers goaltender Scott Clemmensen.  But know this Hockey Krishnas:  It was Orr’s second goal in eight games this season; he also scored at Pittsburgh on October 13.  Though no one will ever confuse him with his namesake, Bobby Orr, it’s worth noting that October 2010 is the first calendar month in which Colton has scored more than one goal in his 335-game NHL career.  That’s something, ain’t it?  Sure it is.

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!