Round two, I’m down to, do, what it takes to make you understand I’m the Candyman and I melt in your mouth, not in your hands.  -Candyman

Ok, here we go!  The NFL Playoffs.  The NFL hip-hip-hoorayoffs.  The judgement dayoffs.  Win or go home!  Who lives to play another week?  Who goes home?  Like Southside Johnny always says, “Oh, I know that it’s getting late, but I don’t want to go home.  I’m in no hurry, baby, time can wait. ‘Cause I don’t want to go home.”  Lets have a look-see at who’s who, shall we?  Sure we shall!             Read More »

Matty told Hatty, “That’s the thing to do.  Get you someone really to pull the wool with you.”  Wooly bully, wooly bully.  Wooly bully, wooly bully, wooly bully.  -Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs

This ain’t no Weekend at Bernies.  This ain’t no Weekend With Maurie and Connie.  No.  I’m like Sam Quint.  I’m not talkin’ about pleasure boatin’ or day sailin’.  I’m talkin’ about workin’ for a livin’.  I’m talkin’ about sharkin’.  I’m talking about NFL Wildcard Weekend.  I’m talking about NFL Playoff football.  Growds folks’ football.  Win or go home football.  In this version of the NFL, there’s two kinds of teams my friend:  Those with big time quarterbacks, and those who dig.  Let’s see who’s who, shall we?  Sure we shall!               Read More »

Oh the grass is green ad the bases white and the players pitch and hit.  But more than that, alas, alack, they only prefer to spit, to spit.  They only prefer to spit.  -Gilbert & Sullivan 

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  This story has taken off.  By now, you’ve all heard it.  You’ve all heard during the American League Championship Series, Yankees fans spit on the families of the Texas players incuding Cliff Lee’s wife.  But like any red blooded mercenary, Cliff Lee said, a guy spitting on his family would not deter him from signing with the Yankees.  That’s the spirit!  And in that spirit, let’s have a look-see at other incidents in sports spitting, shall we?  Sure we shall.           Read More »

Come see victory in a land called fantasy.  Loving life to a new degree.  Bring your mind to everlasting liberty,  -Earth Wind & Fire

Public Service Announcement:  Here it comes!  Here comes football season.  The thrills.  The spills.  Oh, the humanity!  Like my main man Knute Rockne always says, “Football is a game played with arms, legs and shoulders, but mostly from the neck up.”  Fantasy football is played from the neck up.  To win, you have to be smart.  Not like Fredo.  Like dumb.  You have to be smart to get respect.  That’s where I come in.  Everybody knows about Drew Brees.  Everybody knows about Adrian Peterson.  Everybody knows about Andre Johnson.  It’s the other guys you have to know about.  The sleepers I’m here to crow about.  So let’s get to this.  Like we always knew this.  The Fantasy Football All-Sleeper Team:       Read More »

What do I have to do to be accepted?  What do I have to say?  What do I have to do to be respected?  How do I have to play?  -Madonna

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Poor Justin Forsett.  All this guy has done is surpass 100 yards rushing twice in the past three games.  All this guy has done is gain 123 yards against the Cardinals and gain 130 last week in St. Louis while scoring four of the Seahawks’ past six touchdowns.  Over the past three games, with Julius Jones on the mend coughing up blood and Forsett in the backfield, the Seahawks have logged two of their three highest rushing totals of the season.  What does Forsett get?  A well earned pat on the fanny.  That’s what he gets.  Coach Mora:  “Julius is our starting running back.  He’s our starting running back. That’s what he is.”  It’s nonsense is what it is.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

I’m a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride.  I’m wanted, dead or alive.  Dead or alive.  -Bon Jovi

Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go!  It was bad enough the NFL wouldn’t let him wear his dear old number 44.  It was bad enough he was named the 6th worst flop on the Biggest Flops of the Last 25 Years list by ESPN and number three on the NFL Network’s Top 10 Draft Busts.  It was bad enough he was humiliated on national television by Bo Jackson.  Now this.  Now Brian Bosworth was pulled over on Hollywood Boulevard for not having a license plate on his bike.  Now  alcohol was detected on his breath, he failed the breathalyzer and was arrested.  I’ll never understand why these cats just don’t call a cab.   

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

You’re gonna get it straight from the shoulder.  Can’t you see the party’s over?  Let me go.  Can’t you get it through your thick head?  This affair is finished, dead.  Hey, let me go.  -Rolling Stones

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Just a quick one.  A punt, pass and kick one.  The Edge wants out.  The Edge wants out of Arizona.  This should come as no surprise, since being benched in the middle of last season, he’s wanted out.  Edge is is thirty-years old entering his eleventh season.  Only thirty?  I thought he was Chris Chelios’ age.  At least.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Big time.  I’m on my way, I’m making it.  Big time big time.  I’ve got to make it show, yeah.  Big time big time.  -Peter Gabriel

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Wilcard Weekend is over.  It’s over, it’s over now.  Welcome to Big Boy weekend.  Welcome to the Real McCoy weekend.  Jump for joy weekend.  New England Patriots weekend.  Indianapolis Colts weekend.  Dallas Cowboys weekend.  Green Bay Packers weekend.  The weekend we’ve all been waiting for.  The weekend to settle the score.  Like my man Tom Landry always says:  “Football is an incredible game.  Sometimes it’s so incredible, it’s unbelievable.”  This weekend will be incredible.  This weekend will be unbelievable.  I can’t wait!  Every day you see one more card.  You take it on faith, you take it to the heart.  The waiting is the hardest part.  So let’s do this.  Like we always new this.  Like Martin St. Louis.  The NFL Playoff Picture:

Jacksonville at New England

We start with an easy one.  An easy as pie one.  ABC.  Easy as 123.  Simple as do re mi.  If the Jaguars have any shot at this, which they do not, but if they do, it will not be on the backs of Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew.  It will not be on the backs of the vaunted Jacksonville Defense.  It will be on the back of one David Garrard.  We saw what he did in the regular season.  We saw him lead the Jags to a 11-5 record.  We saw him throw for eighteen TDs and 2,509 yards.  We saw him do this only throwing three interceptions and garnishing a quarterback rating of 102.2.  Now we have to see if he can come up with a big game in the biggest game of his life.  I’m not biting.  Not against this team.  Not against the New England Patriots.  Not against the best team we’ve ever seen.  The best team there’s ever been.  A red white and blue football machine.  Garrard threw a meager nine of twenty-one passes for 140 yards against the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Garrard threw a measly one touchdown pass against the Pittsburgh Steelers.   Garrard threw two untimely interceptions against the Pittsburgh Steelers.  That won’t wash against the Patriots.  Don’t believe me?  Ask AJ Feeley.  Ask Kyle Boller.  Ask Eli Manning.  Heck, ask that six-five, 230-pound quarterback with the laser rocket arm.  Ask those cats.  They’ll tell you.  They’ll tell you that nonsense doesn’t walk the dog against the New England Patriots.  Oh, and Paul Spicer, you shouldn’t a oughtta said that.  Ask Anthony Smith.

San Diego at Indianapolis

Oh boy!  The Chargers won a playoff game.  The San Diego Super Chargers won a playoff game.  A playoff game they didn’t even have to play last year.  They won a playoff game for the first time since Natrone Means was running roughshod over the NFL.  Since Natrone Means ran roughshod all the way to the Super Bowl.  Yup, they won a playoff game.  I hope they enjoyed it.  I hope they enjoyed it because it’s the only win they’re getting.  The buck stops here.  The buck stops in Indianapolis.  The buck stops with the Colts.  The buck stops with the reigning champion Indianapolis Colts.  Peyton Manning has a 4-game postseason winning streak.  Peyton Manning has Reggie Wayne coming off his best season ever.  Peyton Manning has his favorite wide receiver back.  Peyton Manning has Joseph Addai.  Peyton Manning has the best defender in all of football.  Peyton Manning is going to flat out smash the Chargers.  Smash it!  Bash it!  Hit it with a hammer and trash it!  With All World Antonio Gates’ little piggy going to market on top of everything else, the Super Chargers stand not a chance.  Not a chance.

New Jersey At Dallas

Come on and fight you fightin’ Giants.  Roll along, to a score.  Come on and fight you fightin’ Giants.  Roll it up, more and more.  I like the fightin’ Giants.  Fighting the last three weeks all right.   Hot the last three weeks all right.  Hottest team in the NFC.  Mauled the Buckos.  Lost a tight one to the best team in NFL history.  Don’t call it a comeback against the Buffalo Bills.  I like their chances.  I like there chances a lot.  I like their chances against these Dallas Cowboys.  You get hot this time of year, you never know.  Never know how far you’ll go.   Eli Manning is playing at the highest level I’ve ever seen him play.  And know this, not even Eli’s big brother won a playoff game this soon in his career.  That’s saying something.  Eli is humming.  Hummin’, coming at ya.  Yeah, ya know I had to gatt ya.  There’s Eli calmly pump-faking defenders out of position.  There’s Eli throwing strikes.  There’s Eli winning ballgames.  Big ball games.  Important ball games.  There’s Eli, beating the Boys.

Seattle At Green Bay

Push ‘um back!  Hit ‘um hard!  Make ‘um fight for every yard!  Defense!  Defense wins championships. The Seattle Seahawks play defense.  Tough defense.  Rough defense.  Enough defense.  Enough defense to beat the Pack.  I know.  What about the Pack?  The Pack is back.  I know.  What about Ted Stroehmann’s boy?  What about Brett Fav…ruh?  What about him?  The Seattle Seahawks defense are difference makers.  They close down the run.  They knock quarterbacks around.  They force errant throws.  They have Marcus Trufant.  Marcus Trufant, the best player on EA Sports’ NCAA 2002 Football.   It’s in the game!  Lofa Totupa is in the game.  Patrick Kerney is in the game.  Julian Peterson is in the game.  Seattle’s defense faces a potent offensive force when it plays the Green Bay Packers on Saturday.  No doubt about it.  I say they’re up for the task.   I say they push ‘um back, hit ‘um hard, make ‘um fight for every yard!  I say they win this ballgame.

Public Acknowledgements:  Natasha Thomas, New York Newsday, Tom Petty, Jackson Five, USA Today, Sonny Bono, Cypress Hill and Something About Mary

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

So you rock around and think that you’re the toughest in the world, the whole wide world.  But you’re streets away from where it gets the roughest.  You ain’t been there.  -The Clash

Public Service Announcement:  Ok here we go!  It’s gettin, it’s gettin, it’s gettin kinda hectic.  We’re down to eight.  Hear that Ted Sarandis?  Eight!  Figure eight as double four.  Figure four as half of eight.  If you skate, you would be great, if you could make a figure eight.  Schoolhouse Rock style.  Enough nonsense.  Let’s get to it.  The NFL Divisional Playoffs.  Let’s have a lookie.  Who gets the cookie?           Read More »

Sippin on Coke and rum. I’m like so what I’m drunk. It’s the freakin weekend baby, I’m about to have me some fun.

Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Welcome to the show you’ve got to know. What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans? You’ve been waiting for this. You’ve been longing for this. You’ve been begging for this. Well, here it comes. The National Football League Play-Offs. Today’s the day. Win or go home. It all starts at 4PM. On today’s dance card: Chiefs vs. Colts. On today’s dance card: Cowboys vs. Seahawks. The intrigue. The drama. Oh, the humanity. Let’s have us a little lookie. Who gets the little cookie?             Read More »