I am a patriot, I love my country, because my country is all I know.  -Pearl Jam

What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans.  I’ll tell you what’s crack-a-lacking.  NFL Football is crack-a-lacking.  Lockout schmockout.   Do you smell it?  Ooh, ooh that smell.  Can’t you smell that smell?  Ooh, ooh that smell.  The smell of death football surrounds you.  That’s right.  NFL football.  NFL Patriots football.  Tonight!  It’s here.  It’s finally here.  Hooray football!  Like my main Tom Landry always says, “Football is an incredible game.  Sometimes it’s so incredible, it’s unbelievable.”  True dat.      Read More »

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!  Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious!  If you say it loud enough, you’ll always sound precocious.  Um-diddle-diddle-um-diddleye.  -Mary Poppins

It’s almost here!  Super Sunday.  Super fun day.  More fun than Plaxico Burress gun day.  It’s a quest for fun.  I’m gonna have fun and you’re gonna have fun.  We’re all gonna have so much f**king fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our godamn smiles.  You’ll be whistling ‘Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah’ out of you’re assholes!  Now that’s fun.  You know what else is fun?  Huh?  Do ya?  Sure you do.  Making up All Star teams is fun.  I know, I know, you wanted chicks and guns and fire trucks and hookers and drugs and booze!  Do that on your own time.  This my time.  This my damn blog.  And now without further ado, my damn Super Bowl All Star team:    Read More »

I hope that you’re happy now like you’re supposed to be.  And I know that this will hurt you more than it hurts me.  -Elvis Costello

I’ve been meaning to get to this one.  Making my stomach upset, this one.  Put me in oxyen debt, this one.  First, a little background.  When I was a kid, my best friend’s brother played on those BC teams with Doug Flutie.  So, when I was a kid, I was at all those BC games with Doug Flutie.  I was there as  Flutie led BC to three bowl games in three years.  I was in Foxborough when Flutie beat Alabama.  I was at Alumni Stadium when Fluite beat Clemson.  I was at a lot of games when Doug Flutie beat a lot of teams.  Needless to say, there’s a special place in my heart for Doug Flutie.  You’re in my heart, you’re in my soul.  You’ll be my breath should I grow old.  That’s why I hold so much disdain for Steve Grogan.         Read More »

She loved him, yeah.  She don’t want to leave this way.  She feeds him, yeah.  That’s why she’ll be back again.  Can’t find a better man…  -Pearl Jam

On Sunday, I shipped off Boston.  On Sunday, I shipped off to Boston to find my wooden leg.  On Sunday, I shipped off Boston so I could watch Tom Brady and the New England Patriots in the friendly confines of family.  On Sunday, I shipped off to Boston so I could watch Tom Brady and the New England Patriots with my three older brothers.  Together, we have watched a lot of games.  Together, we have watched a lot of big games.  Important games.  Games that mattered.  Whatever our differences, Boston Sports has always kept us together.  The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been Boston Sports.  Our lives have rolled by like an army of steamrollers.  They have been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again.  But Boston Sports has marked the time.             Read More »

I can’t get used to losing you no matter what I try to do.  Gonna spend my whole life through, loving you.  -English Beat

This is gonna be a quick one.  A quick poke my eye out with a stick one.  A quick hit me in the nuts with a brick one.  Yesterday, the New England Patriots lost to the Same Old Jets and I’m Just sick about.  David Tyree sick about it.  Aaron Boone sick about it.  Andrew Toney sick about it.  Petr Klima sick about it.  But this was worse.  This was worse because Tom Brady and the New England Patriots were not beaten by one special play or one special player.  This was worse because the New England Patriots were outplayed from whistle to whistle.  Outplayed thorn and thistle.  A total dismissal.   I’m heading back from Boston to New York today.  During my drive of shame, I have plenty to think about.  That means, tomorrow, you’ll  have plenty to read about.  Until then, please join me as I wallow in my sorrows:

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

You’re simply the best, better than all the rest, better than anyone, anyone I’ve ever met.  I’m stuck on your heart, I hang on every word you say, tear us apart no, no, baby, I would rather be dead.  -Tina Turner

It is no secret that we over here at JQP Productions love us some Tom Brady.  It is no secret we put Tom Brady right up there with Larry Bird.  And……Now there’s a steal by Bird!  Underneath to DJ who lays it in!!…Right at one second left!!  What a play by Bird!  Bird stole the inbounding pass, laid it up to DJ, and DJ laid it up and in, and Boston has a one-point lead with one second left!  OH, MY, THIS PLACE IS GOING CRAZY!!! It is no secret we put Tom Brady right up there with Big Papi.  Ortiz into deep right field, back is Sheffield, we’ll see you later tonight! It is no secret we put Tom Brady right up there with Bobby Orr.  Sanderson…out to Orr…Bobby Orr…scores!…and the Boston Bruins have won the Stanley Cup! Like those guys there, Tom Brady has a few great moments of his own.  After the jump we talk about some of the earlier ones.     Read More »

Round two, I’m down to, do, what it takes to make you understand I’m the Candyman and I melt in your mouth, not in your hands.  -Candyman

Ok, here we go!  The NFL Playoffs.  The NFL hip-hip-hoorayoffs.  The judgement dayoffs.  Win or go home!  Who lives to play another week?  Who goes home?  Like Southside Johnny always says, “Oh, I know that it’s getting late, but I don’t want to go home.  I’m in no hurry, baby, time can wait. ‘Cause I don’t want to go home.”  Lets have a look-see at who’s who, shall we?  Sure we shall!             Read More »

By now, you’ve all seen this:

You’ve all seen Wes Welker drop at least 11 references to “feet,” “toes” or “foot” during his roughly eight-minute session with the media on Thursday.  Brilliant!  So brilliant in fact, it reminded me of this:

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

Listen to me dog before you start to whine, that side’s yours and this side’s mine.  Move it on over.  Rock it on over.  Move over little dog, a big, old dog is movin’ in.  -George Thorogood & The Destroyers

Like that little chihuahua next door, the New York Jets continue to yip.  Like that little chihuahua next door, the New York Jets continue to yap.  Yipping and yapping.  Flipping and flapping.  All day long at school I hear how terrible Tom Brady is at this or how horrible Tom Brady did that!  Brady! Brady!  Brady!  You know what I say?  I  say what Mr. Blonde says.  I say, “Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?”          Read More »

You’re the instigator, the orator of the town. You’re the worst when you converse, just a big mouth clown. You talk when you’re awake, I heard you talk when you sleep. Has anyone ever told you, that talk is cheap? -Run DMC

Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Add another guy to the guys I hate list. Add Rex Ryan. I want him dead! I want his family dead! I want his house burned to the ground! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna piss on ashes! Read More »