I am a patriot, I love my country, because my country is all I know.  -Pearl Jam

What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans.  I’ll tell you what’s crack-a-lacking.  NFL Football is crack-a-lacking.  Lockout schmockout.   Do you smell it?  Ooh, ooh that smell.  Can’t you smell that smell?  Ooh, ooh that smell.  The smell of death football surrounds you.  That’s right.  NFL football.  NFL Patriots football.  Tonight!  It’s here.  It’s finally here.  Hooray football!  Like my main Tom Landry always says, “Football is an incredible game.  Sometimes it’s so incredible, it’s unbelievable.”  True dat.     

I know, I know.  It’s early.  It’s only preseason.  It’s still summertime.  Time to sit back and unwind.  But here’s just a little somethin’ to break the monotony of all that hardcore dance that has gotten to be a little bit out of control.  Just a little football.  Just a little New England Patriots football.  Is it Monday yet?  Nope.  It’s Thursday. “’Twas on a Holy Thursday their innocent faces clean.  The children walking two and two in red and blue and green.”  That line comes from William Blake’s poem “Holy Thursday.”  It describes throngs of children on their way to St. Paul’s Cathedral carried along by the current of their innocent faith.  That’s us tonight, ain’t it.  Sure it is.  It’s me anyways.  Like the boys and girls in this poem, tonight I raise my “innocent hands” to the football gods and sing to heaven.

I will sing to heaven because my beloved New England Patriots are back, Jack!  Tonight, we may not see many stars.  Tonight, if we do see them, we certainly won’t see them for long. I don’t care.  I know I’ll see one star.  I know I’ll see the brightest of the star of them all.  I know I’ll be seeing Tom Brady.  Yes, it’s very likely Patriots quarterback Tom Brady will start tonight and I can’t wait.

I can’t wait to see the best quarterback who’s ever been borned.  I can’t wait to see the best quarterback who’s ever been borned throw to the Cincinnati Bengals’ all-time leader in receptions and receiving yards.   Sure Chad Ochocinco was in some sort of funk last season.  Sure his head coach called him, “mopey.”  Wouldn’t you be mopey on that squad?  Sure you would.  That was then.  This is now.  Now he’s playing with Mr. Brady.  Make that Dr. Brady.  Chad:  “I respect Tom Brady.  He is the best at his craft.  I’ve always called him a surgeon, and it’s going to be fun being one of his patients.”  It sure is.

What Else to Watch For

Stevan Ridley:  Ridley was chosen in the third round of this year’s draft out of LSU.  This kid just attacks the line of scrimmage.  Attacks it I say!  Ridley is a bulldozer.  Not just any bulldozer mind you.  He an IDF Caterpillar D9 bulldozer.  You know, the armored bulldozer used by the Israeli Defense Forces.  Think John Riggins.  Think Earl Campbell.  Think guys like that there.  Ridley has been one of the consistent standouts at the early practices in Foxboro.  I would not be surprised if Ridley becomes a consistent standout as the feature back for these New England Patriots.

  Peace put homies.  Six two and even!

Just what makes that little old ant think he’ll move that rubber tree plant?  Anyone knows an ant, can’t…move a rubber tree plant.  But he’s got high hopes.  He’s got high hopes.  He’s got high apple pie, in the sky hopes.  -Frank Sinatra

Ok, here we go!  I hate to sound like the oldest guy in the barbershop, but lately, when I hear all the criticism flying Tim Tebow’s way, all I could think of were those nasty little naysayers a few years back.  All I could think of were those nasty little not today sayers a few years back.  Those nasty little no way Jose sayers a few years back.  I thought of them and I thought of Doug Flutie.          

You probably remember Flutie because of this:

That’s how it all started.  That’s how we all fell in love.  That’s how our hero was born.  Not really.   Before that game was even played, Flutie had already won the Heisman.   Before that game was even played, Flutie had already stolen a big one from Alabama in bahn burnah on National TV.  Before that game was even played, Flutie had already broken Jim McMahon’s NCAA career passing record.  Then that.  Yowza, yowza, yowza!

Like Tim Tebow, everybody said Doug Flutie was the greatest college quarterback to have ever played the game.  Like Tim Tebow, those same folks also said Doug Flutie would never make it in the NFL.  Doug Flutie was never given a fair shake.  He was forced to toil in the USFL and Canada.  Flutie racked up records in the CFL.  He racked up MVP’s in the CFL.  He racked up Championships.  He racked up Championship MVP’s.  When he left Canada, he left a legend.

Finally, Flutie was given a shot in the NFL.  He took over an awful Buffalo Bills team.  In his first start as a Bill, Flutie passed for two TDs and led a fourth-quarter comeback against the Indianapolis Colts.  He didn’t stop there.  He took that dreadful team and led them all the way to the playoffs.  He earned himself Comeback Player of the Year.  His reward?  That summabitch Wade Phillips named Rob Johnson the starter the following season.

The NFL then wasn’t so much different than the NFL of today.  Then, Wade Phillips wanted a protypical quarterback not a Midget Moses.  Winning didn’t matter.  Today, NFL masterminds have concerns about Tebow’s  footwork and elongated delivery.  They want a protypical quarterback.  Winning doesn’t matter.

When Flutie was benched in favor of Johnson, he said, “Anyone who would be content to be a number two doesn’t deserve to be on the field.”  That’s why we loved him in the first place.  Tim Tebow just said, “Those who say I won’t make it are wrong.  They don’t know what I’m capable of and what’s inside me.”  That’s why we love Tebow.

Ultimately, Rob Johnson went down due to injury.  Flutie scrambled and bootlegged  and wheeled and dealed and positioned the Bills for another winter of playoff football.  But when Rob Johnson got healthy, Phiilips sat Flutie for the last game of the season.  When Rob Johnson got healthy, Phiilips sat Flutie for the Playoffs.  The Music City Miracle playoffs.

Flutie still made the Pro Bowl that year yet he was named backup to Rob Johnson the following one.  It was inevitable he would be moved.  But know this sports fans, the Bills have not appeared in a single playoff game since Phillips replaced Flutie with Johnson.

The moral of this story?  Sometimes conventional wisdom is not wisdom at all.  Sometimes, you have to think like Al Davis.  Sometimes you have to say, just win baby!  Doug Flutie was a winner.  I believe in my heart of hearts that Tebow is that same type of winner.  Last season, if you saw Tim Tebow become only the third  rookie quarterback in forty years to score a game-winning TD in the final five minutes of the fourth-quarter you should believe it too.   Jabar Gaffney does:  “It takes a special guy to do that.  And that’s what we have.”

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

And if you think about it, the same thing happened with Terrell Owens. He was once a young star just happy to be a part of a successful team, a lot like Mary-Kate and Ashley were on Full House. He dazzled fans with his on-field heroics while his older co-star Steve Young carried him through each game, similar to how Uncle Jesse did in every episode for the girls. Except instead of helping him with his lines, Steve threw him passes into triple coverage against the Packers.                

In fact, the careers of T.O. and the two girls parallel each other to an outrageous extent. Just like the Olsen twins, Terrell Owens burst onto the scene in San Francisco with a lot of promise. They all made some poor career choices along the way….. he talked trash about every Quarterback he ever played with and they made movies like It Takes Two. He made stops in Philly, Dallas, Buffalo and Cincinnati and they made stops in the recording studio and the fashion industry. All of which were mistakes for the parties involved.

And now as he rehabilitates the ACL that he tore while filming his reality show back in April, the same question arises about him that did with the Olsen’s when their career was winding down. Where did all the good times go? It seems like just yesterday he was pouring popcorn through his facemask, or pulling a sharpie out of his sock to sign a football, or doing one of his famous front yard workout interviews. In the end, like the Olsen twins, Terrell Owens became a sideshow, a shell of what he once was.

Yes, his career accolades indicate that he is a sure bet to make the Hall of Fame and should be Canton bound in his first year of eligibility. But the hope that he inspired and the promises he left unfulfilled have taken away from his legacy. It’s the least distinguished way of being distinguished but Terrell Owens will go down in the history books as “The Most Gifted Wide Receiver to Never Win a Super Bowl.” When we look back on the game of football around the time of the new millennium we will surely remember Terrell Owens. Will his antics and personality be the reason he is never forgotten or will fans think back and remember his playing days because he is the second greatest wide out of all time? Here is to hoping that he makes a speedy recovery and somehow convinces a team to take a flyer on him. If he pulls off a miracle and wins a Super Bowl, we will only remember him as the great player he was. He needs to do something that the Olsen Twins never did; he needs to go back to San Francisco.

You know the message that you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants?  You’re telling the world, ‘I give up.  –Jerry Seinfeld

On November 29, 2008, things took a turn for the worse for the defending Super Bowl Champion New York Giants. The teams’ star wide receiver, Plaxico Burress, made an ill fated decision that would inevitably alter the direction of the Giants season and the remainder of his career as a pro-athlete. I am speaking of course about the fact that he consciously chose to wear sweat pants to a night club.

In hindsight, it was the second biggest mistake of his life; the first being that he shot himself in the leg to distract people from the poor outerwear choices that he made earlier that evening. Though a fashion faux pas of this magnitude would end any normal athlete’s chances at receiving invites to red carpet events, Plax seems to be bullet proof (apparently not in a literal sense) when it comes to falling out of the spotlight.           

And since the league is currently in a lockout, his release from prison has been one of the top stories for news outlets when discussing the NFL recently. Most football prognosticators have him playing in Philly next year because they have a “program” in place to deal with disruptive personalities and players with prior legal troubles. Do you really think that last year’s NFC East champs who have a plethora of young talent at receiver want anything to do with him? He will be 34 before the season starts (if it starts this year at all) and even when he was playing regularly he was an egotistical prima donna who rarely showed up on time for meetings or practice.

So it will be interesting to see if the prison term helped him grow up at all. The man has had 920 days to think about the fact that he single-handedly ruined his chances to never be as good as Amani Toomer when it came to career statistics as a Giant.  What he should have been thinking about is how New York state laws screwed him over and he served a longer prison term than Leonard Little, Donte Stallworth and Michael Vick combined and their mistakes resulted in the death of innocent people and defenseless animals.

The media and the league have made Burress out to be Robert Rozier when he’s really just a jackass who has never been able to get out of his own way. I think about him every time I put on my favorite pair of ash grey Russells and I can’t wait for Dan Snyder to sign him to a max contract to not pan out for my Redskins.

Maybe Vrabel was just trying to get used to a courtroom, since, as a member of the NFL Players Association executive committee, he may be spending a lot of time in front of judges and lawyers this summer (via profootballtalk.com)

Joe DiMaggio’s 56 game Hitting Streak

The argument against:   Since Joe D set the record back in 1941 only Pete Rose has gotten over the 40 game mark.  The only real threat of late has been Jimmy Rollins, who reached 38 games back in 2006.  With the presumed end of the so called “steroid era” we have seen pitching dominate the league in the past 3 years, which won’t make matters easier.

Conclusion: 15% chance the record falls.  Everybody gets on a roll, and if the right guy gets hot at the right time, maybe, there is a chance, but it seems like a longshot.  Most likely candidate to go after this record?  Hard to guess, but we’ll go with Joe Mauer.

Johnny Vander Meer’s Consecutive No-Hitters

The argument against:  Since Vander Meer’s epic 2 night performance back in June of 1938, there has been a boatload of no hitters, but nobody has gotten 2 in a row.  Oh, and to break the record, you would need to pitch 3!

Conclusion: less than 1%.  We just don’t see it happening, especially in today’s baseball of pitch counts and “Joba rules”.  You would need a supremely gifted pitcher, and a rogue manager, to pull this feat off.

Brett Favre’s 297 Consecutive Starts

The argument against:  Football is a violent, no holds barred, take your head off kind of game.  According to the NFLPA, the average NFL career is 3 ½ years, and Favre managed to play for 20.  Not to mention the win now mentality that dominates the NFL landscape, thus making it tougher to stick with a player through a rough patch.

Conclusion: 35% chance the record falls.  First off, a consecutive start doesn’t entail you played the whole game, which gives some wiggle room.  Not mention the propensity to protect QB’s at all cost, coupled with the desire to eliminate helmet to helmet hitting –could help to extend a player’s career. Plus, do punters and place kickers count?  I can certainly see one of those guys sticking around for years and logging a “start” every game.

Michael Phelps, 8 Gold Medals In 2008 Olympic Games

The argument:  First, you have to participate in a sport that allows you to compete in 9 different events.  Then, you have to dominate all 9.  Plus, more than likely, you’ll be in some form of a team relay, which means you may have to rely on other people to come through for you.  That really only leaves swimming and track and field as an option, and in both sports, the margin for error is so small that one mistake could cost you gold by fractions of second.

Conclusion: 15% chance the record falls.  Phelps found the perfect storm of circumstances: events + dominance + luck = record.  While not the easiest formula to follow, perhaps those circumstances can present themselves again someday.

In any event, we could go on all day with the records, but that would be no fun.  What do you, the JPQ faithful, think?  What record will stand the test of time?  Hit the comments and tell us about it…

Just a quick one today.  Quick as a licorice stick one today.  Quick as a mouse click one today.  Today, the good folks over at Ed The Sports Fan posted a lamentation entitled When Your Favorite Player Gets Traded.  He said stuff like, “There’s nothing worse that can happen to a fan than when that fan’s favorite player…gets traded.”  In light of this, and in light of the recent moves that sent Melo to the Knicks and Deron Williams to the Nets, I got to thinking.  I got to thinking  that so many times in sports, guys have ended up in uniforms they just don’t belong in.  Uniforms they just look wrong in.  Here are a few that I never got used to:          

Bobby Orr

The greatest Bruin ever.  The greatest hockey player ever.   Number four, Bobby Orr.  Better than all the rest.  Greater than the Great One.  In 1971, Bobby Orr piled up an unbelievable 139 points.  139 points!  37 goals and 102 assists.  No player had ever scored 100 assists in one season before, and only two have since.  The Great One and Super Mario.  Orr did it from the blue line.  He did it faster than anybody I’ve ever seen.  Number four, Bobby Orr.  The greatest hockey player who ever lived.  You don’t believe me?  Just ask Don Cherry.  Or his dog Blue.

This guy could fight too.  They tested him his rookie year.  They didn’t test him again.  But the 1975-76 season brought changes.  Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.  Turn and face the strain.  Ch-ch-changes.  Just gonna have to be a different man.  Trades dismantled the Big, Bad Bruins.

Orr managed to play just 10 games due to injury-riddled knees.  Contract negotiations hit an impasse between Bobby and the Bruins and marked the end of an era. Bobby became a free agent and ultimately signed with the Chicago Black Hawks.  Just never seemed right.

Robert Parrish

The biggest of the Big Three.  The Chief.  The Chief played fourteen years with the Celtics from 1980 to 1994.  The Chief won three NBA Titles with the Boston Celtics.  His rainbow jumper was a thing of beauty.  Somewhere over the rainbow.  Skies are blue.  And the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true.  Robert Parrish made dreams come true.  Robert Parrish ended up a Charlotte Hornet.  Just never seemed right.

Hank Aaron

What can be said about the Hammer that hasn’t already been said already?  In Atlanta, 53,775 people showed up to watch Aaron hit career home run 715.  The ball landed in the Braves bullpen.  Thirty days later, Aaron ended up on the Milwaukee Brewers.  I’m gonna give you thirty days to get back home.  I done talked to the gypsy woman on the telephone.  She gonna send out a world wide hoodoo.  That’ll be the very thing that’ll suit ya.  I’m gonna see that you be back home in thirty days.  Back home in Milwaukee.  Just never seemed right.

Dwight Evans

Thank Heavens for Dwight Evans.  Cannon for an arm.  Lasar for an arm.  Dr. Evil should get sharks with Dwight Evans’ arms attached to their heads.  Dwight Evans was the best defensive right fielder of his time.  Dwight Evans won eight Gold Glove Awards.  You hear that Ted Sarandis, eight!   I know my heart can stay with my glove, its understood.  It’s in the hands of my glove, and my glove does it good.  Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo, my glove does it good.  Evans ended up on the Orioles.  Just never seemed right.

Joe Montana

Joe Cool.  Three Super Bowl MVPs.  In his four Super Bowl appearances, Montana never threw an interception nor lost a fumble.  He was the first player in league history to win consecutive MVP awards.   Sports Illustrated magazine’s Sportsman of the Year award.  I`m the man of the year.  Stand in line to meet the man.  I’m the man, I’m the man, I’m the man.  The Man for the San Francisco 49ers.  Ended up a Kansas City Chief.  Never seemed right.

Here’s some more: Joe Namath, Rams.  OJ Simpson, 49ers.  Pete Rose, Phillies.  Steve Garvey, Padres.  Willie McCovey, A’s.  Eddie Murray, Indians.  Wade Boggs, Yankees.  Tony Dorsett, Broncos.  Earl Campell, Saints.  Dave Casper, Vikings.  Never seemed right.

Make my living off the evening news.  Just give me something-something I can use.  People love it when you lose.  They love dirty laundry.  -Don Henley

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

From Pop Warner to the NFL, football coaches everywhere stress turnover avoidance.  Nobody wants to have happen what happeneed to Joe Theismann.  Theisman floated the ball in the direction of running back Joe Washington.  Unfortunately, he didn’t account for unheralded linebacker Jack Squirek.  Squirek returned the ball to the hizzy for a touchdown in Super Bowl XVIII.  Nobody wants to have happen what happened to Peyton Manning.  Faced with a third and five, Manning targeted his favorite receiver, Reggie Wayne.  Unfortunatley, Tracy Porter was targeting Manning.  At the 26 yard line, Porter returned it to the hizzy for a game-changing touchdown in Super Bowl XLIV.  From Pop Warner to the NFL, football coaches everywhere stress turnover avoidance because nobody wants to have happen what done happened to the Steelers yesterday.      

Yesterday, the Packers forced three turnovers and turned them into 21 points to fuel a 31-25 victory over the Steelers in Super Bowl XLV.  Pittsburgh defensive end Brett Keisel:  “Three turnovers to zero.  Every time they got a turnover they scored.”  Only two other teams made three or more takeaways in a Super Bowl and scored a touchdown after each one: the Steelers against Dallas in 1979 (3-for-3) and the 49ers against the Broncos in 1990 (4-for-4).  The Steelers won the Super Bowl in 1979.  The 49ers won the Super Bowl in 1990.  The Packers won the Super Bowl yesterday.

Ben Roethlisberger, the man I said I wouldn’t bet against, threw two interceptions.  Ben Roethlisberger, the man who already has won two Super Bowl championships, threw two interceptions and lost for the first time in a title game.  Roethlisberger:  “I felt like I let the city of Pittsburgh down, my coaches, and my teammates.”  Maybe so, but nobody let anybody down like Rashard Mendenhal done did.

When Rashard Mendenhall took a handoff from Ben Roethlisberger on the first play of the fourth quarter, he was sandwiched by Green Bay linebacker Clay Matthews and defensive end Ryan Pickett.  That certainly is a big bun. It’s a very big bun. It’s a big fluffy bun. It’s a very big fluffy bun.  595 punds of very big fluffy bun.  That very big fluffy bun gave  permanent control of Super Bowl XLV to the Green Bay Packers.  Mendenhall fumbled, Green Bay recovered, and three minutes later the Packers scored the game-clinching points in a 31-25 victory.  Hooray Green Bay!

The Steelers shoud have known better.  Big Ben should have known better.  Big Ben and the Steelers have seen this before.  In Super Bowl XLIII, Pittsburgh darted out to a 10 point lead against the Cardinals, but a touchdown pass by Kurt Warner narrowed the score at 10-7.  Then, a Roethlisberger interception set Arizona up with great field position.  But once again, the mighty turnover reared its ugly head.  From the shotgun, Warner targeted Anquan Boldin right at the goal line, but he didn’t notice that NFL Defensive Player of the Year James Harrison had dropped into coverage instead of blitzing.  Harrison returned the interception a Super Bowl record 100 yards and sent Pittsburgh into the half ahead.  Hooray Steelers!

In the end, the Steelers apparenlty learned nothing from that experience.  In the end, this is a game that they will forever remember by opportunities squandered.  And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

 It was third down.  The Steelers needed six yards for the first down.  Two minutes left to play.  Up five.  “One more stop,” Darrelle Revis said.  “One lousy stop.  That’s all we needed.”  Nothing doing.  Not on Big Ben’s watch.  Not this time of year.  This time of year, when the air is a little bit crisper.  This time of year, when the air is a little bit cooler.  This time of year,when the air is crisper and cooler, and the Pittsburgh Steelers are making yet another run at the NFL Championship.  The NFL.  This is what it’s all about.  Ben Roethlisberger is what it’s all about.  You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out.  You put your right foot in and you shake it all about.  You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that’s what it’s all about!          

This wasn’t Big Ben Roethlisberger throwing a laser to Santonio Holmes to win the Super Bowl.  This wasn’t Big Ben Roethlisberger diving in for a score on third-and-goal and sending the crowd home in Denver.  No, it wasn’t any of those.  No, he don’t use tissues or his sleeve.  He don’t use napkins or any of these.  No it wasn’t any of those, in fact, Roethlisberger was thoroughly outplayed by Mark Sanchez throughout the game. What it was, was, classic Ben Roethlisberger.  Just win baby, Ben Roethlisberger.  The Jets had the Steelers receivers covered tight like Gary Payton.  Antonio Brown shook free.  Before you could say Jack Robinson, the ball was in Brown’s arms.  First down!  First down!  The Heinz Field faithful let out a roar that shook the place right down to its very foundation.  Hooray Steelers!  Hooray Ben Roethlisberger!

Jim Harbaugh and Roger Staubach earned the nickname “Captain Comeback” for their ability to win games in the fourth quarter after overcoming significant point deficits.  Then there was John Elway.  Then there was The Duke of Denver.  The Driver.  The staying aliver.  Ha ha ha ha staying alive.  Staying alive in the mud in Cleveland.  Staying alive with the most game-winning or game-tying scoring drives in the fourth quarter.  The real Captain Comeback.  Now we have Big Ben Roethlisberger.  As big as a big play quarterback can be.  He improvises.  He extends plays.  He shows the will of a champion.  He wins football games. I ain’t betting against him.  Not by a long shot.

Peace out homies. Six two and even!