Anybody know what the Olsen twins are doing these days? Of course you don’t, nobody does. The fact that they have disappeared off the face of the earth is a grim reminder to us all that even the brightest young stars fade away and die at some point. They had a great run, they lit up televisions in American living rooms for years with their antics as little Michelle. But things that great don’t last forever and eventually the girls grew older; their egos got the best of them. They grew too big for Bob Saget’s house and they made the biggest mistake of their lives, they thought they were too good to play the role that they were born to play.
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious! If you say it loud enough, you’ll always sound precocious. Um-diddle-diddle-um-diddleye. -Mary Poppins
It’s almost here! Super Sunday. Super fun day. More fun than Plaxico Burress gun day. It’s a quest for fun. I’m gonna have fun and you’re gonna have fun. We’re all gonna have so much f**king fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our godamn smiles. You’ll be whistling ‘Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah’ out of you’re assholes! Now that’s fun. You know what else is fun? Huh? Do ya? Sure you do. Making up All Star teams is fun. I know, I know, you wanted chicks and guns and fire trucks and hookers and drugs and booze! Do that on your own time. This my time. This my damn blog. And now without further ado, my damn Super Bowl All Star team:
Gonna smile. I’m gonna laugh. You’re gonna get a blood bath. You gotta go go go go, goodbye! Glad to see you go go go go, goodbye! -Ramones
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! The Cowboys entered this season as playoff favorites. Word on the street was that they were going to be the first team to host and play in a Super Bowl this February. Take a look at them now. Well, there’s just an empty space and there’s nothing left here to remind me. To remind me what was supposed to have been. I can’t say I’m bothered. I can’t say I’m upset. I can’t say I’m losing any distaught over the fact that because of the Cowboys’ disappointing start, pressure is building on Jerry Jones to jettison his coach. I can’t say anything like that.
Peace out homies. Six two and even!
Lovely get the ice, pop champagne. Don’t forget I used to ride on the train. When I bump it right, call my name. Go crazy in the mall wit James. -LL Cool J
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! They don’t call him the Playmaker for nothing. I’m sorry, allegedly, they don’t call him the Playmaker for nothing. As in he allegedly sexually assaulted a woman her South Florida hotel. This allegation has been labeled a false attempt at “civil extortion” by Irvin’s attorney. Let’s hope he’s right. Let’s hope this is like what happened back in 1996. Back in 1996, Irvin was accused of sexually assaulting a Dallas woman, and, with a gun to her head, videotaping the interaction. The accuser was later proven to have fabricated the entire incident. She recanted her story, pled guilty to perjury and filing a false police report and was sentenced to 90 days in prison and a fine. Let’s hope this is like that.
Peace out homies. Six two and Even!
Matty told Hatty about a thing she saw. Had two big horns and a wooly jaw. Wooly bully, wooly bully. Wooly bully, wooly bully, wooly bully. -Sam The Sham & The Pharaohs
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! That’s right folks, I’m back! Flew in from Miami Beach BOAC, didn’t get to bed last night. On the way the paper bag was on my knee. Man I had a dreadful flight. And boy are my arms tired. But I am back. Back in the nick of time. Back in a mouse click of time. Like Mike Tyson, back, hitting like a f’n mule kick in time. Back in time for wild and wooly card Saturday. So let’s get to this. Like we always knew this. Like my main man Marvin Lewis. Shall we? Sure we shall.
I hope that you’re happy now like you’re supposed to be. And I know that this will hurt you more than it hurts me. -Elvis Costello
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Just a quick one. A lickety-split one. A run and hit one. Jessica Simpson is not happy. It appears her little heart broke all over again when word spread that her ex-boyfriend Tony Romo had gotten engaged to his new girlfriend Candice Crawford. According to the National Enquirer, (Hey, they got the Tiger thing right) Simpson “obsesses over Tony’s every move with Candice, and she’s always held out hope that she could win him back … She always dreamed that she’d be the one to marry Tony. She had their wedding all planned in her head.” Who knew? Who knew she had stuff in her head? I hope you’re happy Tony Romo!
Peace out homies. Six two and Even!
The facts are facts and the Dallas Cowboys have yet to disprove them. The facts of not winning anything with the same group of core players plus and minus possibly 2-3 over the last three years is evident. Once December rolls around, the Cowboys are proven losers. Why is that? The talent on their roster is far better than indicated, but they don’t win anything besides the November championship. I bet the Cowboys wish there was a trophy handed out at the end of November because their trophy case would be overflowing with glamorous hardware.
Pam Oliver: “Justin, what is the deal with you and Flozell Adams?”
Justin Tuck: Pause (stare)- “I really can’t say because if I say what I want I’ma get fired. But, you know, I’d love to see him again.”
Remember those words Mr. Flozell Adams when you lay your fat, washed up body down to sleep tonight. You’re Mr. Potato Head looking face and misshapen head bring one word to mind, ugly. Better yet, so is your game. You get beat time and time again and manage to somehow take your frustrations out in unsportsmanlike manners. You’re a thug. Can’t get your own way because you stink at what you do, so let’s put the blame and cheap shots on others who make me look bad.
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Yesterday, Andy Murray beat Juan Martin Del Potro at the ATP World Tour Finals in London. Hooray Andy Murray! But yesterday, something else also happened. Yesterday, the rap song above surfaced. On the track Autograph, about the attention sports stars get from autograph hunters, the tennis world No 4 raps in his monotone voice: “During Wimbledon it really gets crazy. My hand cramps up and my mind gets hazy.” That got me to thinking. Thinking, what are the best athlete singing performances of all time? Brilliant, right? I thought so. So lets do this. Like we always knew this. Like Carl Lewis. The best athlete singing performances of all time: