I feel bad for Baron Davis.  I do.  I really do.  Just when he was embracing the sport of basketball once again, the Clippers go and trade him to the hapless Cleveland Cavaliers in exchange for Mo Williams and Jamario Moon.  There was a time we all loved Boom Dizzle.  A time when Boom Dizzle was the greatest show on earth.  A time when Boom Dizzle put the entire Golden State Warriors on his back and single-handedly dismantled the heavily favored Dallas Mavericks in the  2007 playoffs.  A time when Steve Kerr gushed and called Boom Dizzle’s performance, ”Outrageous…stunningly athletic and creative and explosive.”  Then, Boom Dizzle took his talents to Tinsletown.  He took his talents to Tinsletown and got stiffed by Elton Brand.  He got stiffed by Elton Brand and seemed to lose interest.  He seemed to lack a certain vim.  He seemed to lack a certain vigor.  Vince Carter style.  But this season with the new look Clips, Boom Dizzle was re-energized.  Re-energized in the month of January.  In the month of January, the new look Clips went 9-5.   In the month of January, Boom Dizzle had only one game with less than 12 points and only one game with fewer than four assists.  He averaged 15.6 points and seven assists for the month.  Blake Griffin:  “He’s played a huge role [in our resurgence.]“  I always loved me some Boom Dizzle, and like Kellie Pickler, he was makin’ me fall in love again.  But now, in Cleveland, I do believe this will be the end of him.

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

The Jazz were down 87-86 to the Chicago Bulls down the stretch.  The Jazz got the ball and Deron Williams headed upcourt on the fast break.  He…Could…Go…All…The…Way!  He could, but he doesn’t.  Instead, Derrick Rose caught up from behind and knocked the ball away to give the Bulls the ball back with about a minute left.  Next thing you know, Rose is blowing past Williams staright to the hizzy.  Next thing thing you know, Williams throws the ball away.  Next thing you know, the Bulls win!  The Bulls win!  The Bulls win!  Next thing you know, Jerry Sloan stepped down after 23 seasons and 1,127 wins at the helm of the Utah Jazz, saying he simply ran out of energy to coach anymore.  Rumor has it, he simply ran out of energy to caoch Deron Williams anymore.  Rumor has it, Deron Williams refused to run plays Jerry Sloan called.  Rumor has it, Deron Williams led a mutiny against Jerry Sloan.  Apparently, he didn’t appreciate Sloan’s Captain Queeglike ways.  Queeg:  “Mr. Maryk, you may tell the crew for me that there are four ways of doing things aboard my ship: The right way, the wrong way, the Navy way, and my way.  They do things my way, and we’ll get along.”  Williams didn’t want to do things Sloan’s way.  They didn’t get along.  Now, Jerry Sloan haws gone the way of Captain Queeg, transferred to an obscure naval supply depot in Iowa.  But Williams isn’t the first coach killer the NBA has seen.  Wanna read about some more?  Sure you do.  Follow me after the jump.         

Magic Johnson

Everybody loves Magic.  All day long at school I hear how great Magic is at this or how wonderful Magic did that!  Magic, Magic, Magic!  Magic is affable.  He’s cordial, amiable, amicable.  He’s a coach killer.  Dave’s a killer!  Dave’s a killer!  Dave’s a mess.  Before there was Pat Riley in Los Angeles, there was Paul Westhead.  Before there was Showtime, there was, slow the ball down, wait for Kareem to set up, and get it to him down  in the low post.  Young Earvin Johnson wasn’t having it.  Young Earvin wanted to run free.  It was either him or Westhead.  Tinseltown wasn’t big enough for the both of them.  Adios Paul.  Vaya con Dio.

Jason Kidd

Don’t get me wrong, I like Jason Kidd as much as the next guy.  Before everybody was comparing Bron Bron to the Big O, they were comparing Kidd to the Big O.  Jason Kidd is the only man besides Oscar Robertson to average a triple-double for an entire postseason.  Jason Kidd is also a coach killer.  Like Ice-T always says, “This girl tried to kill me, she didn’t use a gun or a knife.  This girl tried to kill me, took me within a inch of my life.”  The New Jersey Nets had not reached the NBA Finals or won a division title in their 24 seasons before Byron Scott became coach.  Then, one year removed from taking New Jersey on a second consecutive trip to the NBA Promised Land, he was fired.  Just seven months prior to the firing, Kidd openly considered leaving New Jersey for San Antonio if Scott wasn’t let go.  Scott wasn’t let go.  Kidd didn’t go to San Antonio.  The resentment remained.  It remained and festered.  It festered and midway through the season, after a drubbing at the hands of the lowly Memphis Grizzlies, Jason Kidd went on a postgame tirade directed toward the man he blamed for the 47-point loss to Memphis:  Byron Scott.  One month later, Scott was gone.  Coincidence?  I think not.

Steve Nash

Under Mike D’Antoni, the Pheonix Suns engineered the third largest turnaround in NBA history.  Under Mike D’Antoni the Pheonix Suns engineered the third largest turnaround in NBA history by running the basketball.  Then running it some more.  Then, just for good measure,  running it just a little bit more.  Steve Nash thrived in this sytem.  Steve Nash won two consecutive MVPs in this system.  Then D’Antoni left.  Then Terry Porter took the helm and instituted a more defensive oriented system.  Then, Nash’s numbers quickly and not-so-coincidentally, dropped back to his pre-Phoenix numbers in Dallas.  Nash openly criticized Porter on the Dan Patrick Show.  Nash said  the team wasn’t having success in Porter’s current system.  Nash wanted to go back to his running ways.  Nash wanted to go back to his gunning ways.  Nash was obliged.  A couple of days later, Terry Porter was fired and Alvin Gentry was hired.  Gentry:  “Nash is the motor behind the car.  Give him every opportunity to be successful at what he does.  We have to open lanes more for him.”  And there you have it.

Michael Jordan

When you look up “two-guard” in the dictionary, I am almost certain you will see there,  a picture of Michael Jordan.  Not positive.  Almost certain.  I mean, if it were my dictionary, it would definitely have a a picture of Michael Jordan.  Definitely have to dance on my date.  Have to learn how to dance.  Definitely.  Definitely.  Apparently, my dictionary isn’t Doug Collins’ dictionary.  Halfway through the 1988-89 season, in a controversial move that has been hailed as brilliant and enlightened by some and professional suicide by others, Doug Collins moved His Airness, Blessed be He, to point guard.  Mike Fratello:  “He was a nightmare already.  Now, he gets the ball even more?”  Doc Rivers:  “It’s terrible, I don’t like it.  It’s not fair.”  Don Nelson:  “Everybody wonders why they didn’t do it before.”  They didn’t do it before because Michael did not want to do it before.  He tried it in pre-season and like Men On Film, hated it.  However, with MJ at the point, the Bulls reached the Eastern conference finals for the first time in the Jordan era.  None-the-less, Doug Collins was fired prior to the next season.  Jordan denies he had any part in the firing.  I am skeptical.

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

From the best of times to the worst of times.  From the spring of hope to the winter of despair.  From the season of Light to the season of Darkness.  From going direct to Heaven to going direct the other way.  From LeBron to life without LeBron.  Last night, without LeBron, the Cleveland Cavaliers’ lost to the Heat with LeBron.  Last night, without LeBron, the Cleveland Cavaliers dropped their record to 8-40.  For those of you keeping score at home, that makes them the first team to reach 40 losses this season.  Last year, with LeBron, they were the first team to reach 40 wins.  You know what that makes them boys and girls?  C’mon take a guess.  That’s right, that makes them the first team in NBA history to be the first to reach 40 losses in one season after being the first to record 40 wins in the previous season.  Yowza! What a difference a year makes.  What a difference a player makes.           

If you read this space with any regularity, you know I love me some Bron Bron.  You know I think he’s the best damn ath-uh-lete in the whole damn world.  This dude is just a one man wrecking crew.  Like Run DMC, he wrecks shop.  You know he wrecks shop.  You know, you know, you know he wrecks shop.  All hail the King.  King LeBron James.  I come to not to bury Caesar but to praise him.

Last season, led by LeBron James, the Cavaliers owned the best record in the NBA.   Last season, led by LeBron James, the Cavaliers found themselves in a playoff showdown series with my beloved Boston Celtics.  After not winning a professional sports championship of any kind since 1964, this was Cleveland’s moment.  You know what?  This one, this one right here.  This was my dream, my wish.  And it didn’t come true.  Instead, like a wonderful wonderful toy, they saw LeBron slink out of the playoffs without a wimper and then slink off to South Beach with much ballyhoo.  Cleveland has yet to recover.  They have have fallen harder than anyone could have imagined.

The Cavs have now lost a franchise record 21 straight games.  Egads man!  21 straight!  That’s as many as they dropped in the entire 2009-10 regular season! They are now just two losses shy of tying the single-season NBA futility streak record shared by the 1995-96 Vancouver Grizzlies and 1997-98 Denver Nuggets. Winners of 61 and 66 games the last two years, the Cavs are now 8-40 with little hope in sight.  Emily Dickenson once said, “Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all.”  Well, in Cleveland, this bird has done stopped singing.  LeBron has done stopped him.  LeBron:  “I have nothing bad to say about the players that I left and the team.  I wish the organization the best.  And I wish the fans, more than anything, the best because we had a lot of great years together.”

Now, he and D-Wade are going to have a lot of great years together.  Anyone who didn’t think there was a case to be made for King James being the best player on the planet has to think so now.  The proof is the pudding.  If you don’t eat yer meat, you can’t have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat yer meat?  Without LeBron, the Cavaliers get no pudding.  This is largely the same team that led the NBA the last two years in victories.  What changed?  No LeBron.  That’s it.  Like my main man Jim Malone always says, “Here endeth the lesson.”  The lesson is, Cleveland is now the worst team in the league – a full four games below even the God-awful T-Wolves.  I know, I know, he’s not putting up the same numbers this year as he has in the past.  He doesn’t have to.  He’s that good.

Peace out homies. Six two and even!

I’ve had the blues, the reds and the pinks.  One thing’s for sure, love stinks.  Love stinks, yeah yeah.  J. Geils Band

When LeBron took his talents to South Beach, we all knew the Cleveland Cavaliers would be bad.  However, at the outset, it didn’t seem so awful.  At the outset, LeBron and the Miami Heat began the season 9-8 and we were all ecstatic that they were failing so miserably.  Meanwhile back in Cleveland, the Cavaliers were a respectable 7-9 and decent enough that a person could consider the King James loss to be something less than catastrophic.  That was then.  This is now.  Now, from the time Cleveland was 7-9, they went 1-21.  Now, from the time Miami was 9-8, they went 21-1.  Now, the Heat are vying for top spot in the East with the vaunted Boston Celtics.  Meanwhile back in Cleveland,  the Cavs are worst team in basketball.  Meanwhile back in Cleveland, the Cavs have lost eight games this season by at least 20 points.  Meanwhile back in Cleveland, the Cavs have lost the most games by at least 20 points for any team in the NBA.  Just so you know, the Cavs were the only team in the league not to lose a game by 20 points last season and did so only 21 times during the Bron Bron era.  Dan Gilbert: “I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE.”  Uh….no.

Peace out Cleveland.  Six two and even

Peace out homies. Six two and even!

Peace out homies. Six two and even!

Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf , the big bad wolf, the big bad wolf?  Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?  Tra la la la la.  -Three Little Pigs

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  The Celtics are back baby!  Back in the back of a Cadillac.  Number one with a bullet, they’re a power pack.  They’re a power pack in these here playoffs all right.  Know this sports fans, when the Boston Celtics are power packin’ with their starting lineup intact this season, they are 38-18.  Like my main Larry David always says, that’s pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good.       

You may say the Heat are not the Cleveland Cavaliers.  You may say Senator, I served with the Cleveland Cavaliers.  I know the Cleveland Cavaliers.  The Cleveland Cavaliers are a friends of mine.  Senator, you’re no Cleveland Cavaliers.  You can say that, but I say this:  Like Miami with Dwyane Wade, so are the Cavs are with little Bron Bron.  A one trick pony.

Last night, the Celtics just eliminated the Heat in five games.  They eliminated the Heat in five games despite the Herculean effort from Dwyane Wade.  Flash, a-ah, savior of the universe.  Flash, a-ah, he’ll save everyone of us.  He couldn’t save the Heat.  

Flash scored at least 30 points, grabbed at least five rebounds and handed out at least five assists in each of the last three games of the series.  Yowza!  Only three other players had 30/5/5 in three straight games within one playoff series against the Celtics.  Only Oscar Robertson in 1963.  Only Jerry West in 1968.  And only Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in 1974.  You know what else happened in 1963, 1968 and 1974?  Huh?  Do ya?  Sure you do.  The Celtics won Champships in 1963, 1968 and 1974.  That’s what happened.

So bring on LeBron and his bum right arm.  Let ‘em get his nasty off.  The four other guys ain’t doin’ nothin’.  They ain’t doin’ nothin’ because the big three four are back.  They’re back picking up where they left off.  Picking up where they left off when they were last healthy in the post season.  Picking up and playing defense.  Rough defense.  Tough defense.  Dare I say it?  Tenacious defense. 

Against the Heat, the Celtics contested every shot.  Against the Heat, they trapped in the corners.  They crashed the boards.  They were rebounding, helping, switching, basically everything that you expect your team to do on defense.  Crushing their opponent on a nightly basis.  Doin’ it and doin’ it and doin’ it well.  Heat coach Erik Spoelstra:  “They’re unselfish.  They put aside their personal agendas.  They’re the most mentally tough team of any team we played this year.  They’re coming together at an opportune time.”  Just in time for the Cleveland Cavaliers.  Roll, Celtics roll!

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Good, better, best.  Never let it rest.  Until your good is better and your better is best.  -Tim Duncan

Public Service Announcement:   Ok, here we go!  Everybody here in the Big Apple is jibbering about LeBron.  Everybody here in the Big Apple is jabbering about LeBron.  Jibbering and jabbering.  Blubbering and blabbering.  All this chitter-chatter, chitter-chatter, chitter-chatter ’bout schmatte, schmatte, schmatte.  I can’t give it away on 7th Avenue.  Rolling Stones style.  Maybe the New York Knickerbockers should think about giving it away to Dwyane Wade.  Last night,  D-Wade scored 38 points and dished out 10 dimes.  Yowza!  That’s the sixth time in his career that Flash had that many points and that many assists in a game, all since 2006-07.  Sweet sassy molassy!  That’s the most such games for any NBA player over that span.  The most.  For any player.  That’s right.  More than your beloved Bron Bron.  One more than your beloved Bron Bron, but more just the same.  So there.

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies. Six two and Even!

Aiyyo, Bo knows this.  What?  And Bo knows that.  What?  But Bo don’t know jack, cause Bo can’t rap.  -Tribe Called Quest

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Oh, what A night for LeBron James.  A late December back in ’63 night.  First, he knocks down 40 points in the Cavaliers’ 99-92 win against the Pistons.  Hooray LeBron James!  That’s the third time that he’s scored 40 or more points vs. Detroit in a regular-season game.  Big deal you say? Who cares you say? I say, that ties Shaq Daddy  for the most career 40-point games against the Pistons among active NBA players.  But, if that weren’t enough, he also pitched the 7th inning against Pirates  and was simply awesome.  Simply the best. Better than all the rest. He simply struck out the first two batters and got the third to pop up.  Down goes Walker!  Down goes Raynor!  Down goes Iwamura!  Is there nothing this LeBron James character cannot do?  Huh?  What?  That wat was Baltimore Oriloles’ Luis LeBron.  Oh, that’s very different.  Nevermind. 

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

But me, I got six.  I got six.  That’s all there is.  Six times one is six, one times six.  I got six.  That’s all there is.  -Schoolhouse Rock

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  At this point, everybody knows little Bron Bron is switching numbers.  Everybody knows little Bron Bron is switching numbers to make the big bucks.  He can say he’s making a statement.  He can say this is all about honoring Michael Jordan.  It ain’t.  By changing from employee  number 23 to employee number 6, little Bron Bron is anticiapting a big merchandise explosion in both old and new Lebron James paraphernalia.  Good for him.  Just don’t say you’re making a statement.  Wanna make a statement?  Huh?  Do ya.  Wear number 25.  It doesn’t matter what number you change to.  The dollar amount will be the same.  But, if you wear number 25, you’ll be sticking it squarely in the mug of one Kobe Wan Kinobi.  The Mamba changed to number 24 to be one better than MJ.  What will 25 make you?  Huh?  Huh? 

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!