In honor of Barry Bonds’ raisin sized testicalia, I give you this:
Peace out Barry. Six two and even!
And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house! And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful wife! Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…same as it ever was. -Talking Heads
Just a quick one today. Quick as a licorice stick one today. Quick as a mouse click one today. Today, the good folks over at Ed The Sports Fan posted a lamentation entitled When Your Favorite Player Gets Traded. He said stuff like, “There’s nothing worse that can happen to a fan than when that fan’s favorite player…gets traded.” In light of this, and in light of the recent moves that sent Melo to the Knicks and Deron Williams to the Nets, I got to thinking. I got to thinking that so many times in sports, guys have ended up in uniforms they just don’t belong in. Uniforms they just look wrong in. Here are a few that I never got used to: Read More »
I get knocked down, but I get up again. You’re never going to keep me down! -Chumbawumba
Public Service Announcement: No, we’re not talking about tee-shirts. We’re not like Mr. Hooper. We’re not talking about treasure boating or day sailing. No we’re talking about the real wife beaters. Today we bid adieu to a real wife beater. Today we bid adieu to Bobby Cox. I’ve heard people say, “Bobby Cox did it the right way.” If by the right way you mean getting arrested by police at his home, jailed overnight and being charged with simple battery after punching his wife and pulling her hair, then ya, sure. Pulling her hair? C’mon you sissy, knock it off. After the jump, we’ll look at other members of the All Wife Beating team. Read More »
The suicide squeeze is on! Here he comes. It’s gonna be close. Here’s the throw. Here’s the play at the plate. Holy cow, I think hes gonna make it! -Meatloaf
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Chicks dig the long ball. Not this chick. Not Alyssa Milano. Baseball-loving honey bunny, Alyssa Milano, seems to like pitchers. Not very good ones either. According to her new book, baseball-loving honey bunny, Alyssa Milano, has gone out with Barry Zito, Brad Penny and Carl Pavano just to name a few. Milano: Brad had me at, ‘Let’s go down to the clubhouse.’ “ Oh, what a smooth talkin’ devil he is.
Peace out homies. Six two and Even!
It never entered my mind we could be wasting our time. What am I gonna do? What about me? Oh. What about me? -Kenny Rogers
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! According to USA Today, Barry Bonds has given permission for his agent to solicit interest from major league teams in hopes of resuming his career. Are you kidding me? Like my main man Michael from the Deer Hunter always says, “Stanley, see this? This is this. This ain’t something else. This is this. From now on, you’re on your own.” Barry Bonds is on his own. All alone. No place to call home. And it’s gonna stay that way. Read More »
Well, I’m not dumb but I can’t understand, why she walked like a woman and talked like a man, oh my Lola. Lo-lo-lo-lo lola. -The Kinks
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Suddenly the crystal ball is becoming crystal clear. Suddenly Susan. Suddenly Barry Bonds. The picture to my left has been haunting many of our dreams for a while now. And I haven’t seen a smile that pretty in a while now. But now I get it. I clearly don’t like it. Get it, clearly? I get it, but I don’t like it. According to the SF Chronicle, former Giants slugger Barry Lamar Bonds used a female fertility drug that can help beat steroid tests. Like the silver haired old ladies say down at St. Mary’s, Bingo! Read More »
Tinkle, tinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky. Tinkle, tinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are!
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Barry Bonds’ urine sample. You know what they say. They say one man’s urine is another man’s treasure. At least, I think they say that. They something like that. I know they say, “Some folks piss their name in the snow. Jack Bauer pisses his name into concrete.” But that’s another story for another day. Barry Bonds is today’s story. Read More »
What about us? What about us? Don’t wanna cause no fuss, but what about us? -The Coasters
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Two peas in a pod. Two fruits of the poisonous tree in a pod. Two political detainees in a pod. Barry Bonds and Manny Ramirez. They go together like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong. Nobody wants these guys. Nobody has signed these guys. I’m beginning to wonder if anybody ever will.
Rollin’ down the street, smokin’ indo, sippin’ on gin and juice. Laid back. With my mind on my money and my money on my mind. -Snoop Dogg
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Mark McGwire. Barry Bonds. Roger Clemens. The unholy trinity. Three is a magic number. Yes it is, it’s a magic number. Somewhere in the ancient, mystic trinity, you get three, as a magic number. The shame that is steroids is claiming Big Mac as its first victim. The other two are sure to follow. Read More »
It never entered my mind we could be wasting our time. What am I gonna do? What about me? Oh. What about me?. -Kenny Rogers
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Big Papi. My favorite two words in the dictionary. The biggest badddest big time hitter that’s ever been borned. The biggest baddest big time hitter that’s ever been borned leaving a big hole in the Sox line-up. A colossal hole. A gargantuan hole. A monstrous hole. A big bad hole. A World Series hole. A hole Manny alone cannot fill. Not for the long haul. The strong haul. The Genghis Khan haul. Read More »
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