Down…The paint is peelin’…Now…When the chips are down…Down…You gotta lose all feelin’…Now…When the chips are down. – Terror Squad

According to the good folks over at the esteemed Baseball Prospectus, “There is virtually no evidence that any player or group of players possesses an ability to outperform his established level of ability in clutch situations, however defined.”  Well sports fans, I’m here to tell you, like Flo from Alice would tell you, the good folks over at the esteemed Baseball Prospectus can kiss my grits.  They can kiss my grits because clearly, the good folks over at the esteemed Baseball Prospectus, have never seen Brian Wilson pitch.               Read More »

You remember the faces, the places, the names.  You know it’s never over, it’s relentless as the rain.  Adam raised a Cain.  -Bruce Springsteen

Remember Matt Cain?  Remember the guy who in his rookie season went from August 12 to September 14 with a 5–0 record and a preposterous  ERA of 0.21?  You know, the guy who in last year’s post season pitched 21 1/3 innings without allowing an earned run?  Ya, that guy.  Big Game Cain.  Big Game Cain is big.  Big Game is strong.  He’s big and strong with an easy delivery and could almost certainly be a legit number one on any ballclub that doesn’t already boast Tim Lincecum.  Mired in an early season funk, Big Game Cain recently gave up a combined nine earned runs over 12 innings in consecutive losses to Florida and Milwaukee.  In his last two starts since then, Cain has done what George Clinton done did.  In his last two starts since then, Matt Cain gave up the funk.  In his last two starts since then, Matt Cain tore the roof of the mother sucker.  Hooray Matt Cain! Read More »

A sad trend has developed at the start of the 2011 baseball season, a trend that has probably been going on for awhile (just search you tube for proof).  Simply put: Baseball Fans be Acting a Fool!  It started opening day in Los Angeles when two coward Dodgers fans beat a San Francisco Giants fan in the parking lot at Dodgers Stadium.   While the Giants fan battles in a hospital, his two attackers remain at large.

Fast forward to this past Saturday where a man was beaten and tasered by Pittsburgh Police while taking in the Pirates – Colorado Rockies game.  Video After the jump.

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In honor of Barry Bonds’ raisin sized testicalia, I give you this:

Peace out Barry.   Six two and even!

And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house!  And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful wife!  Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…same as it ever was.  -Talking Heads

Just a quick one today.  Quick as a licorice stick one today.  Quick as a mouse click one today.  Today, the good folks over at Ed The Sports Fan posted a lamentation entitled When Your Favorite Player Gets Traded.  He said stuff like, “There’s nothing worse that can happen to a fan than when that fan’s favorite player…gets traded.”  In light of this, and in light of the recent moves that sent Melo to the Knicks and Deron Williams to the Nets, I got to thinking.  I got to thinking  that so many times in sports, guys have ended up in uniforms they just don’t belong in.  Uniforms they just look wrong in.  Here are a few that I never got used to:           Read More »

A curve ball’s what my pitch is.  So here we here we come like dum ditty dum, I keep all five boroughs in stitches.  -Beastie Boys

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  The Giants win the World Series!  The Giants win the World Series!  Casey Stengel said, “Good pitching will always stop good hitting.”  Warren Spahn said, “Hitting is timing. Pitching is upsetting timing.”  Satchel Paige said, “My pitching philosophy is simple – keep the ball way from the bat.”  In this here World Series, the San Francisco Giants’ good pitching stopped the Rangers’ good hitting.  In this here World Series, the San Francisco Giants upset the Rangers’ timing.  In this here World Series, the San Francisco Giants kept the ball way from the Rangers’ bats.          Read More »

Cannot kill the family.  Battery is found in me.  Battery!  Battery!  -Metallica

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  The use of the word ‘battery’ in baseball was first coined by Henry Chadwick in the 1860s in reference to the firepower of a team’s pitching staff and inspired by the artillery batteries then in use in the American Civil War.   Later, the term evolved to indicate the combined effectiveness of pitcher and catcher.  Last night, Chadwick’s term never rang so true.           Read More »

She had dumps like a truck truck truck.  Thighs like what what what.  All night long.  Let me see that thong.  -Sisqo

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Last night, the San Francisco Giants took game one of the World Series.  Took it by scoring five runs with two outs in the fifth inning.  Hooray Giants!  Know this seamheads:  Only two other teams have scored five or more runs with two outs in an inning in Game 1 of a World Series.  The Red Sox did it against the Rockies in 2007 and somehow the Reds managed it against the “Black Sox” in 1919.  So how did the Giants do it?  If you ask Aubrey Huff, he’ll tell you skimpy thong underpants did the trick.  Huff has credited the thong with lifting his nuts while lifting his team to a playoff berth and ultimately to the World Series.        Read More »

And Newy Scruggs doesn’t like it:

Peace out homies. Six two and even!

I get knocked down, but I get up again.  You’re never going to keep me down!  -Chumbawumba

Public Service Announcement:  No, we’re not talking about tee-shirts.  We’re not like Mr. Hooper.  We’re not talking about treasure boating or day sailing.   No we’re talking about the real wife beaters.  Today we bid adieu to a real wife beater.  Today we bid adieu to Bobby Cox.   I’ve heard people say, “Bobby Cox did it the right way.”  If by the right way you mean getting arrested by police at his home, jailed overnight and being charged with simple battery after punching his wife and pulling her hair, then ya, sure.  Pulling her hair?  C’mon you sissy, knock it off.  After the jump, we’ll look at other members of the All Wife Beating team.          Read More »