There’s a starman waiting in the sky.  He’d like to come and meet us, but he thinks he’d blow our minds.  -David Bowie

After seeing the above preview for the Bill Lee documentary SPACEMAN: A Baseball Odyssey, my mind began to wander.  It began to wander to a simpler place in time.  It began to wander to when you could get still get baseball cards for a dime.  It began to wanter to when Bill Lee was in his junk ball prime.  Aaah Bill Lee, prophet in his own mind.  Bill “the Spaceman” Lee, my favorite baseball player of all time.      Read More »

Carl Yastrzemski once said, “I remember I was a scared rookie, hitting .220 after the first three months of my baseball season, and doubting my ability.”   Here are some guys who don’t have to doubt nothin’.  But before we get to them, I want to get to something else.  I want to get to the greatest rookie of them all.  I want to get to Freddy Lynn.  Rookie, rookie.  Who gets the cookie.  Who’s got the woh oh oh oh, woh oh oh oh, right stuff?  Freddy Lynn had the right stuff.  That marshmallow fluff.  Sho’ nuff.  The Rookie of the Year Award should now and forever more be called the Fred Lynn Award.  The best rookie season evah.  Evah!  Sherman, set the way back machine to 1975.  Fenway Pahk.  Rookie Fred Lynn in center.  Rookie Big Jim Ed Rice in left.  The Gold Dust Twins.  But Jim Ed got hurt, and Freddy turned out to be goldener.  Stay gold, Freddy.  Stay gold.      Read More »

Oh, put me in, coach.  I’m ready to play, today.  Put me in, coach.  I’m ready to play, today.  Look at me, I can be centerfield.  -John Fogerty

What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans?  I’ll tell you what’s crack-a-lacking.  Jacoby Ellsbury is crack-a-lacking.  That’s right,  Jacoby Ellsbury.  Attention please, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Fenway Park.  Now leading off, Ellsbury, center field, Ellsbury.  Ahhh, center field.  Once, the most glamorous position in all of baseball. Once the most the strawberry jamerous positon in all of baseball.  Dare I say it?  Once the grand slamerous position in all of baseball.  Once.  You shouldn’t grab me, Johnny.  My mother grabbed me once…Once!  It used to mean something to be the best center fielder in baseball.  Like it used to mean something to be the Heavyweight Champion of the World.  Like it used to mean something to be the Fastest Man Alive.  I still think it means something, dammit.  I’m Gumby dammit.     Read More »

The good folks over at the esteemed Fan Graphs may not dig Adrian Gonzalez, but Rocky does:

Peace out homies. Six two and even!

Nobody nobody cares.  Nobody cares baby.  You know I’ve had my share.  It just ain’t fair.  It just ain’t fair.  -Aretha Franklin.

I don’t like this one.  I don’t like this one one bit.  You have to understand.  I hate this summamabitch.  I hate him more than all the other summamabitches.  Isiah too.  But that’s it.  Those two.  And that’s it.  Just this ashtray.  And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need.  And this remote control.  The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need.  And these matches.  The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball.  And this lamp.  That’s all I need.  I did not need this.  I did not need to hear that the judge in the Roger Clemens federal perjury trial abruptly declared a mistrial.  I feel like Arthur Kirkland.  I feel like screaming:  “You’re out of order!  You’re out of order!  The whole trial is out of order!  They’re out of order!  That man, that sick, crazy, depraved man, raped and beat that woman there, and he’d like to do it again!  He told me so!  It’s just a show!  It’s a show!  It’s “Let’s Make A Deal”!  “Let’s Make A Deal”!  Hey Frank, you wanna “Make A Deal”?  I got an insane judge who likes to beat the shit out of women!  Whaddya wanna gimme Frank, 3 weeks probation?           Read More »

It’s now or never, come hold me tight.  Kiss me my darling, be mine tonight.  Tomorrow will be too late, it’s now or never.  My love won’t wait.  -Elvis

Daisuke Matsuzaka is out for the season after having Tommy John surgery.   Clay Buchholz is on the DL with a back strain.  Jon Lester is on the disabled list after leaving a start last week with a strained left lat muscle.  Josh Beckett could not start the second inning of  the All-Star Game due to soreness in his left knee while warming up.  Like my main man Tommy Tutone always asks, “Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to?“  Andrew Miller?  4-0 with a 3.57 earned run average in his four starts for the Red Sox since coming up from Class AAA Pawtucket.  Tim Wakefield?  In his last start he once again rode in on his white horse and rescued the Red Sox with seven quality innings.  Both very nice stories.  However, neither are the stories Red Sox fans want to hear.  The story Red Sox want to hear is the story where John Lackey gets his stuff together and helps carry this year’s edition of the Olde Towne Team to the promised land.      Read More »

Wooo doggie!  How ’bout them Red Sox!  Since their abysmal 2-10 start, Boston has put together an astounding, confounding, resounding, turning it all arounding 39-17 record.  Hooray Red Sox!  You could credit Adrian Gonzalez’ bat.  You could credit the Olde Towne Team’s prowess against left handed pitching.  You could credit the resurgence of Josh Boom Boom Beckett and his new-found cutter.  You could credit a lot of things.  The esteemed scientist Francis Darwin once said, “In science, the credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not to whom the idea first occurs.”  In baseball today, it is David Ortiz who is doing all the convincing.  Maybe Verbal’s right.  Maybe the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.  Just shows to go ya.  David Ortiz ain’t no devil, he’s a god.      Read More »

I pull a pump and bump you off into a dump.  You hear a thump, because I had to stump a rump.  From Yawkey Way, I’ll have you on the boulevard.  I pull your card.  Word to God, you know I’m hittin’ hard.  -Run DMC

Adrian Gonzalez is a first-overall draft pick.  Adrian Gonzalez has been selected to the past three All-Star Games.  He is a two-time Gold Glover.  Like my main woman Penny Wharvey McGil always says, “Adrian here’s got a job. Adrian’s got prospects.  He’s bona fide. What are you?  And, oh ya, as  the kids  like to say these days, Adrian Gonzalez rakes.  Good times?  A-Gon rakes.  Bad times?  A-Gon rakes.  Business bad?  Fuck you, pay me.  Oh, you had a fire?  Fuck you, pay me.  Place got hit by lightning, huh?  Fuck you, pay me.  That’s what Adrian Gonzalez is all about.  You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around.  That’s what it’s all about!      Read More »

And so it was later as the miller told his tale that her face at first just ghostly.  Turned a whiter shade of pale.  -Procol Harem

Last night Royals prodigy Eric Hosmer hit his first home run.  Hooray Eric Hosmer!  But this wasn’t just any home run.  Oh no.  This was a home run at Yankee Stadium, the house that Grady Sizemore built.  For those of you keeping score at home, Two members of the 500-home run club hit their first big-league bombs as a visiting player at the old Yankee Stadium: Jim Thome and Manny Ramirez.  Are 500 bombs in young Eric Hosmer’s future?  Only time will tell.  Among the many other players to hit their first big-league bombs as a visiting player at the old Yankee Stadium were Kent Hrbek, Mark Belanger and Luis Tiant.  Huh?  Luis Tiant?  That’s right.  Luis Tiant.          Read More »

Ohhhh, I need you…come back, come back.  Ahhhhh, I need you…come back, come back.  Ohhhhh, I need you…come back, come back.  -Pearl Jam

Word on the street says the Boston Red Sox have a chance at 100 wins.  Everybody’s sayin’ it.  Everybody’s doin’ a brand new dance now.  I know you’ll get to like it if you give it a chance now.   Sports Illustrated’s is givin’ it a chance.  The Associated Press is givin’ it a chance.  So come on, come on, do the loco-motion with me.  I know 100 wins is a lot of wins.  I know 100 wins is a gaggle of wins.  I know 100 wins is a plethora of wins.  Well, you told me I have a plethora and I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is.  I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has no idea what it means to have a plethora.  Johnny Pesky, Bobby Doerr and Boo Ferriss know what a plethora is.  Johnny Pesky, Bobby Doerr and Boo Ferriss are the only three living people can boast of playing on a 100-win Red Sox team.  Josh Beckett would like to know what it means to have a plethora: “We have a chance to do something really special that I’ve been wanting to do my whole career and haven’t been able to, which is to be on a team that wins 100 games.”  I just hope he knows that it is he who stands between the Red Sox and that special 100 win season.       Read More »