Little boy, in a baseball hat, stands in a field, with his ball and bat.  Says “I am the greatest, player of them all.”  Puts his bat on his shoulder, and tosses up his ball.  -Kenny Rogers

Ok, here we go!  Another opening day has come and gone.  Cool Papa Bell once said, “I remember one game I got five hits and stole five bases, but none of it was written down because they didn’t bring the scorebook to the game that day.”  Well, Cool Papa doesn’t have to worry about that today.  I brought my scorebook.  I’m writing it down.     Read More »

What does it take to be number one?  Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers.  What does it take to be number one?  Hey hey hey hey..  -Nelly

Opening day is just two weeks away.  Ahhhh, baseball.  The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball.  America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers.  It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again.  But baseball has marked the time.  I know it’s a little early.  I know what Bill Veeck said.  I know he said, “This is a game to be savored, not gulped.  There’s time to discuss everything between pitches or between innings.”  I don’t care.  I want it all.  I want it now.  I want to know what the Big Fundamental wants to know.  “Good, better, best.  Never let it rest.  Until your good is better and your better is best.”  Who’s good?  Who’s the best?  Today we will discuss who’s the best.  We’ll discuss who’s the worst.  And we’ll discuss everything in between.  So, without further ado, let’s hand out the hardware:          Read More »

Star of the day, who will it be? Your vote will hold the key. It’s up to you. Tell us who, will be star of the day. -Community Auditions

Back by popular demand! Just in case you didn’t know.  Maybe you didn’t hear about it, you’ve been away a long time.  They didn’t go up there and tell you.  They didn’t go up there and tell you the Brass Bonanza Award is given to the week’s biggest loser.  Brass Bonanza was the Hartford Whalers fight song.  Need I say more? This weeks winner, er loser, are the St. Louis Cardinals. Hooray Cardinals! Read More »

I’m on the top of the world lookin’ down on creation and the only explanation I can find is the love that I’ve found, ever since you’ve been around, your love’s put me at the top of the world.  -The Carpenters

Public Service Announcement:  Tony LaRussa once said Albert Pujols is  “the perfect player.”  So did Sports Illustrated.  Flavor Flav said, “I know it sounds crazy but it fits perfect.  Peter perfect pimped a perfect Peter.”   Albert Pujols pimped a perfect yesterday.  I know, I know, Phat Albert put up an ofer yesterday.  So what?  You know what he did do?  What he did do was play in his 1500th regular-season game of his big-league career.  Hooray Albert Pujols!  But that’s not all this cat has been done doing.     Read More »

Little boy, in a baseball hat, stands in a field, with his ball and bat.  Says “I am the greatest, player of them all.”  Puts his bat on his shoulder, and tosses up his ball.  -Kenny Rogers

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Another opening day has come and gone.  Cool Papa Bell once said, “I remember one game I got five hits and stole five bases, but none of it was written down because they didn’t bring the scorebook to the game that day.”  Well, Cool Papa doesn’t have to worry about that today.  I brought my scorebook.  I’m writing it down.  Read More »

The whole First letter of first name+ First syllable of last name= Nickname needs to stop now.

Example: A-Rod a.k.a. Alex Rodriguez.

It's All Your Fault

Read More »

It’s been a long time comin’, my dear.  It’s been a long time comin’, but now it’s here.  And now it’s here.  -Bruce Springsteen

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Well, all day long at school I hear how great Albert is at this or how wonderful Albert did that!  Albert, Albert, Albert!  And with good reason.  Tony LaRussa said Albert Pujols is  “the perfect player.”  Flavor Flav said, “I know it sounds crazy but it fits perfect.  Peter perfect pimped a perfect Peter.”  One thing Albert hasn’t pimped perfectly in quite some time is the almighty walk-off bomb.  Until last night that is.   Last night Albert Pujols hit the game-ending home run.  Sweet sassy molassy!  Like my main The Sports Hernia says, “Are you freaking out in your Tommy Herr wig?”  That’s the eighth time in his career that Phat Albert has made Cardinals’ fans freak out in their Tommy Herr wigs, but only his first time since 2006.  How about that?  How about this?  There have been 216 walk-off homers in the majors by 159 different players between Pujols’ last two game-ending blasts.  That’s a lot of wigs, Tommy Herr or otherwise.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life.  Oh, just to be with you is having the best day of my life.  -Dido

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  SI and Tony LaRussa’s most perfect player just got more perfecter.  I know it sounds crazy, but it fits perfect.  Peter perfect pimped a perfect Peter.  Honey dripper, sucker sipper, big dipper, sucker dipper.  According to Buster Olney, the Athletics and Cardinals have completed a trade that sends outfielder Matt Holliday to St. Louis.  Having Holliday bat behind Phat Albert is like Manny batting behind Big Papi.  Like having A-Broad batting behind Mark Teixeira.  Like eating your cake and having it too.  If you don’t eat yer meat, you can’t have any pudding.  How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat yer meat?  The Cardinals already had their meat.  Now they got their pudding.  Now they got a guy, who this month, is batting .344 with a .421 on-base percentage.  Now they got a guy who one scout says one is swinging the bat as well now as he has all year.  Now they got a guy who is about to make the best player in the world even betterer. 

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Now I like Phat Albert Pujols as much as the next guy, but like my main man Tom Petty, I need to know.  I’ll pay money to know.  Put him up on a stage.  Have Don King promote it.  I’ll pay fifty bucks to watch.  I’ll pay fifty bucks to see Albert take a drug test.  The blood kind.  The most definitive kind they have.  Tony LaRussa once said, Albert Pujols is “the perfect player.”  I agree.  I want to get behind the guy.  I do.  But I gotta know for realsies.  I didn’t paint this landscape.  I was once a believer.  I had faith.  I didn’t do this.  Like my main man Flavor Flav always says, “It was you that chose your due. You built this maze you can’t get through.  I tried to help you all I can.  Now I can’t do nuttin’ for you man.”  Now do something for me.  Take the test on pay per view.  It’s win-win for everybody.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Hey now you’re an All Star, get your game on, go play.  Hey now you’re a rock star, get the show on get paid.  And all that glitters is gold.  Only shooting stars break the mold.  -Smashmouth

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go! Seventy-seven games in the books.  Time to do this.  Like we always knew this.  I do the Smurf, the Popeye, and the Jerry Lewis.  I also hand out awards.  Midseason awards.  If you pleasin’ awards.  Grade A guaranteesin’ awards.  Today I’m handing out the All So Far Awards.  That’s right, the All So Far Team.  Who’s been simply the best?  Who’s been better than all the rest?  Who’s been better than anyone, anyone I’ve ever met?  Take a peek after the jump to find out:     Read More »