I get knocked down, but I get up again.  You’re never going to keep me down!  -Chumbawumba

Public Service Announcement:  No, we’re not talking about tee-shirts.  We’re not like Mr. Hooper.  We’re not talking about treasure boating or day sailing.   No we’re talking about the real wife beaters.  Today we bid adieu to a real wife beater.  Today we bid adieu to Bobby Cox.   I’ve heard people say, “Bobby Cox did it the right way.”  If by the right way you mean getting arrested by police at his home, jailed overnight and being charged with simple battery after punching his wife and pulling her hair, then ya, sure.  Pulling her hair?  C’mon you sissy, knock it off.  After the jump, we’ll look at other members of the All Wife Beating team.          Read More »

Everyday the sun’ll shine.  Took this dream and made it mine.  I’m gettin down one thing that I know.  What!  We’re untouchable.  -DMX

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Edwin Jackson.   On the attackson.  Cutting no slackson.  We all saw it from here to the Iraqson.  We all saw Jackson complete the hat trick last night by victimizing the Tampa Bay Rays and making them the first team in major-league history to be no-hit three times within a one-year span.  We all saw the first major-league pitcher to throw a no-hitter after having begun that game with at least 15 previous starts that season and an overall ERA of 5.00 or higher.  Unbelievable, right?  Tremendous, stupendous, incomprehendous, right?  Wrong.     Read More »

Little boy, in a baseball hat, stands in a field, with his ball and bat.  Says “I am the greatest, player of them all.”  Puts his bat on his shoulder, and tosses up his ball.  -Kenny Rogers

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Another opening day has come and gone.  Cool Papa Bell once said, “I remember one game I got five hits and stole five bases, but none of it was written down because they didn’t bring the scorebook to the game that day.”  Well, Cool Papa doesn’t have to worry about that today.  I brought my scorebook.  I’m writing it down.  Read More »

Will you recognize me?  Call my name or walk on by?  Don’t you forget about me.  Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t you forget about me.  -Simple Minds

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  There was a time Bobby Crosby was one of baseball’s chosen ones.  In 2004, he was chosen as the American League’s Rookie of the Year.  In 2006, he was chosen by Peter Gammons to win the American League MVP.  Unfortunately for Bobby, he never lived up to the hype.  Injuries and overall lack of production derailed his career.  His home runs virtually vanished.  In his ROY season, Crosby hit 22 home runs and played in 151 games.  Since then, he has hasn’t hit more than nine home runs in a season and has only played in over 100 games just once.  But don’t look now, Bobby Crosby is mashing again.  Graveyard smashing again.  He’s caught on in a flashing again.        Read More »

I want money, lots and lots of money, I want the pie in the sky.  I want money, lots and lots of money , so don’t be asking me why.  -Calloway

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  The Yankees are on the verge of acquiring Curtis Granderson from the Tigers in a three-team trade. Granderson hit 30 home runs for Detroit last season.  If this deal goes through, the Yankees would be the first World Series champion in major-league history to acquire a player coming off a 30-home run season during the offseason.  Now please excuse me while I go vomit my breakfast.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

I’m down with Mike H. and it ain’t no hassle.  Got the ladies of the eighties from here to White Castle.  Hold it now, hold it now,  hit it!  -Beastie Boys

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Mickey Mantle once said, “Somebody once asked me if I ever went up to the plate trying to hit a home run.  ‘I said, ‘Sure, every time.”’  Now, Mike Hampton may not be trying to hit a home run every time, but he sure does hit his fair share.    Read More »

I had a friend was a big baseball player back in high school.  He could throw that speedball by you, make you look like a fool boy.  -Bruce Springsteen

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  That’s right, the guy Peter Gammons and my good friends over at Major League Jerk love to give reach arounds to, is good.   Like Gunnery Sgt. Hartman always says, “I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.  I’ll be watching you.”  Last night, Dan Haren got fucked in the ass.  I’m still gonna give him a reach around.  Yes sports fans, last night Dan Haren allowed four runs in the fifth inning against the Pirates.  Big deal.  It was the first time in his 20 starts this season that Haren even allowed three runs in an inning. Every other pitcher with at least 15 starts this season has allowed three or more runs in an inning at least once.  If that’s not reach around worthy, I don’t know what is.

Public Spectacle: 

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Hey now you’re an All Star, get your game on, go play.  Hey now you’re a rock star, get the show on get paid.  And all that glitters is gold.  Only shooting stars break the mold.  -Smashmouth

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go! Seventy-seven games in the books.  Time to do this.  Like we always knew this.  I do the Smurf, the Popeye, and the Jerry Lewis.  I also hand out awards.  Midseason awards.  If you pleasin’ awards.  Grade A guaranteesin’ awards.  Today I’m handing out the All So Far Awards.  That’s right, the All So Far Team.  Who’s been simply the best?  Who’s been better than all the rest?  Who’s been better than anyone, anyone I’ve ever met?  Take a peek after the jump to find out:     Read More »

Well you could have been anything that you want to and I can tell; the way you do the things you do.  -The Temptations

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Football coach Bear Bryant once brought USC running back Sam Bam Cunningham into the Alabama locker room after a game and told his players,  “This is what a football player looks like.”  Well, take a look at the picture to your left. That my friends, is what a baseball player looks like.  Last night, Micah Owings pitched six innings.  Last night, Micah Owings allowed only two runs and was the winner winner chicken.  But if this is a Micah Owings story, you know there’s gotta be more.  You know there’s gotta be a home run in store.  You know this guy hits bombs galore.      Read More »

I can’t do nuttin’ for you man.  Go lean on shells answer man.  I can’t do nuttin’ for ya man.  You jumped out of the jelly into a jam.  -Public Enemy 

Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go!  Like dear old Bubbe always said:  “What a putz!”  You may know in Yiddish, the word putz literally means penis.  You may also know it can mean jerk or dope too.  The old joke goes, a foolishly dressed tourist in Israel takes a ride on a camel.  He says to his wife that it must be a male camel.  Wife asks how he knows.  Man answers,  “Everyone was saying ‘Look at the putz on that camel!’”.  Right about now, Mets fans must be thinking that mound must be male.  Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week.     Read More »