By: josh q. public on: Monday, December 7, 2009 @11:31 am
TMZ has been just relentless with the Tiger stuff. This is the pick of the litter. Or should I say pic of the litter. Tomato tomahto. Before she inserted herself into the Tiger drama, Jaimee Grubbs inserted herself into a Tiger costume:
By: josh q. public on: Wednesday, December 2, 2009 @12:43 pm
I’m sorry, so sorry that I was such a fool. I didn’t know love could be so cruel. -Brenda Lee
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Like Jeremy Grey in the Wedding crashers, Tiger Woods is not sorry. “I’m not sorry. Okay? I’m not gonna apologize, I’m a cocksman!” He’s a cocksman all right. Ok, ok. That’s not entirely true. He did apologize. But he apologized in Jason Giamblike manner. Yes, as you all probably know by now, Tiger has issued his official statement on the whole Tigergate ordeal. Tiger said, “I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors.” Tiger Woods wants to maintain “the right to some simple, human measure of privacy.” Tiger “will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.” Hey, it worked for Giambi. He got Comeback Player of the Year. I wonder if Tiger wears a gold thong too?
By: josh q. public on: Sunday, November 29, 2009 @8:00 pm
Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. Oh, no, no you can’t disguise. Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. -Fleetwood Mac
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! The rug is coming out from under dear old Tiger Woods. I gave at the office. The check’s in the mail. It’s not you, it’s me. I didn’t inhale. Of course your butt doesn’t look fat. Like my main man Winston Churchill always says, “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” If that’s the case, Tiger’s got his pants on round about his ankles right about now. Tiger says, “This situation is my fault.” Ok so far. Tiger says, “It’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me.” Yes yes yes. Tiger says, “I’m human and I’m not perfect.” Very good. Tiger says, “My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.” Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! Danger! And there it is. Now listen, I’m no Dr. Cal Lightman, and I may not know nothing about nothing, but if I know anything about anything, I know that’s the one that’s gonna get him trouble. Just like these ones got these guys into trouble. Join me, will you? The Liars On Parade. Good. And awaaaaaay we go! Read More »
By: josh q. public on: Friday, November 27, 2009 @10:26 pm
Baby you can drive my car. Yes I’m gonna be a star. Baby you can drive my car. Beep beep’m beep beep yeah. -The Beatles
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods strolling down the fairway in Nike red. Strolling down the fairway in Nike red, greater than the Great One, Wayne Gretzky, blessed be he. Greater than Michael Jordan, the Chosen One. Greater than Muhammad Ali, the Greatest. Greater than Babe Ruth himself. Tiger Woods strolling down the fairway and obliterating everything in his wake. Now, I hate to get all Deadspinny on all y’all, but when one of the greatest athletes of our time is driving down his driveway obliterating evrything in his wake, I gotta write about it. Read More »
By: josh q. public on: Wednesday, April 8, 2009 @1:30 pm
Tomorrow, Tiger Woods will be back strolling down the fairway at Augusta obliterating everything in sight. He will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy his brothers. And you will know his name is Tiger when he lays his vengeance upon thee.
By: josh q. public on: Monday, March 30, 2009 @9:52 am
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night, and he’s watchin’ us all in the eye of the tiger. -Survivor
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! I’m not a golf guy. I don’t even play one on TV. I do love me some Tiger Woods. Heeeeeeeee’s Great! I’ve been waiting for this. Anticipating for this. Waiting and anticipating for Tiger’s big comeback. I know. Don’t call it a comeback. He’s been here for years, rockin’ his peers and puttin’ suckas in fear. He rocked his peers yesterday at Bay Hill. Put suckas in fear yesterday at Bay Hill. Yesterday, while you were watching the Madness, I watched Tiger Woods come storming back and done do what he always done does at Bay Hill. Or a t least what he done did in three of his six Bay Hill victories. I watched Tiger Woods saunter up and knock down a birdie putt on the last hole for the winner winner chicken dinner. Yowza! Read More »