By: josh q. public on: Thursday, December 10, 2009 @3:59 pm
Stand by your man. Stand by your man. And show the world you love him. Keep giving all the love you can. -Tammy Wynette
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Apparently, despite all of Tiger Woods’ kanoodling, and by kanoodling I mean banging everything sight, despite all of that, Elin Nordegren reportedly plans to stand by her man. Good for Tiger. I think. He got off easy. All I know is, Mrs Q. Public sees that video above, Mr. Q. Public is getting more than a few scatches on his face and a 9-iron to the back windshield. But then again, Mr. Q. Public ain’t worth no 1 billion clams.
By: josh q. public on: Wednesday, December 9, 2009 @5:20 pm
See that ad above? Well, you won’t be seeing it any longer. Or any others like it. On Tuesday, CNBC reported that PepsiCo’s Gatorade division is discontinuing its Gatorade Tiger Focus sport beverage. PepsiCo said the decision had nothing to do with the recent hoopla surrounding the golfer. Pepsico said that it was part of a streamlining strategy the company came up with months ago. Like my main Tommy Flannagan always says, “”Yeahhh! That’s the ticket!” Tiger Focus was the first Gatorade drink to be named specifically for an athlete. Maybe they should rename it. How does Tiger Schtupus sound? No? Me either. Best I could do on such short notice. It’s better than Tiger’s doing. Marketers have pulled all Tiger Woods ads from prime-time television broadcast networks and 19 cable channels following all this hanky-panky. That’s some mighty costly hanky-panky. Tiger is projected to surpass $1 billion in career earnings by 2010, 90% of which will have come from endorsements. Something tells by 1011 that number might be a little lower. My heart aches.
By: josh q. public on: Monday, December 7, 2009 @11:31 am
TMZ has been just relentless with the Tiger stuff. This is the pick of the litter. Or should I say pic of the litter. Tomato tomahto. Before she inserted herself into the Tiger drama, Jaimee Grubbs inserted herself into a Tiger costume:
By: josh q. public on: Wednesday, December 2, 2009 @12:43 pm
I’m sorry, so sorry that I was such a fool. I didn’t know love could be so cruel. -Brenda Lee
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Like Jeremy Grey in the Wedding crashers, Tiger Woods is not sorry. “I’m not sorry. Okay? I’m not gonna apologize, I’m a cocksman!” He’s a cocksman all right. Ok, ok. That’s not entirely true. He did apologize. But he apologized in Jason Giamblike manner. Yes, as you all probably know by now, Tiger has issued his official statement on the whole Tigergate ordeal. Tiger said, “I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors.” Tiger Woods wants to maintain “the right to some simple, human measure of privacy.” Tiger “will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.” Hey, it worked for Giambi. He got Comeback Player of the Year. I wonder if Tiger wears a gold thong too?
By: josh q. public on: Sunday, November 29, 2009 @8:00 pm
Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. Oh, no, no you can’t disguise. Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. -Fleetwood Mac
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! The rug is coming out from under dear old Tiger Woods. I gave at the office. The check’s in the mail. It’s not you, it’s me. I didn’t inhale. Of course your butt doesn’t look fat. Like my main man Winston Churchill always says, “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” If that’s the case, Tiger’s got his pants on round about his ankles right about now. Tiger says, “This situation is my fault.” Ok so far. Tiger says, “It’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me.” Yes yes yes. Tiger says, “I’m human and I’m not perfect.” Very good. Tiger says, “My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.” Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! Danger! And there it is. Now listen, I’m no Dr. Cal Lightman, and I may not know nothing about nothing, but if I know anything about anything, I know that’s the one that’s gonna get him trouble. Just like these ones got these guys into trouble. Join me, will you? The Liars On Parade. Good. And awaaaaaay we go! Read More »
By: josh q. public on: Friday, November 27, 2009 @10:26 pm
Baby you can drive my car. Yes I’m gonna be a star. Baby you can drive my car. Beep beep’m beep beep yeah. -The Beatles
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods strolling down the fairway in Nike red. Strolling down the fairway in Nike red, greater than the Great One, Wayne Gretzky, blessed be he. Greater than Michael Jordan, the Chosen One. Greater than Muhammad Ali, the Greatest. Greater than Babe Ruth himself. Tiger Woods strolling down the fairway and obliterating everything in his wake. Now, I hate to get all Deadspinny on all y’all, but when one of the greatest athletes of our time is driving down his driveway obliterating evrything in his wake, I gotta write about it. Read More »
By: josh q. public on: Monday, November 23, 2009 @11:15 am
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Yesterday, Andy Murray beat Juan Martin Del Potro at the ATP World Tour Finals in London. Hooray Andy Murray! But yesterday, something else also happened. Yesterday, the rap song above surfaced. On the track Autograph, about the attention sports stars get from autograph hunters, the tennis world No 4 raps in his monotone voice: “During Wimbledon it really gets crazy. My hand cramps up and my mind gets hazy.” That got me to thinking. Thinking, what are the best athlete singing performances of all time? Brilliant, right? I thought so. So lets do this. Like we always knew this. Like Carl Lewis. The best athlete singing performances of all time: