Public Knowledge

Josh Q. Public:  If it is not right, do not do it.  If it is not true, do not say it.  -Marcus Aurelius

Public Knowledge:

1.  Boston Celtics.  About time.  About time they put away the worst team in these here playoffs.  About time they blew out the worst team in these here playoffs.  The fourth-largest blow out in any seventh game of the playoffs.  And they did it how they did it all year.  They danced with who brung ‘em.  They danced with defense.  Tough defense.  Oppressive defense. Serious defense.  Serious Snape.  Serious Snaped the Atlanta Hawks.  Atlanta made only twenty-four of eighty-two shots from the floor.  Atlanta posted the lowest field-goal percentage (29.3%) for any team in a Game Seven.  Any team in a Game Seven during the NBA’s shot-clock era.  Now it’s time to D up Cleveland.  Now it’s time to D up LeBron.  Like Lil’ Kim always says, “Now it’s my time to shine.  Been down for much too long.  I’ve gotta get mine.”  The Celtics get their’s Tuesday night.  The NBA.  Win or go home! 

2.  Chipper Jones is hot.  Red hot.  My gal is red hot.  Your gal ain’t doodley squat!  Chipper Jones continued his assault on the .400 mark yesterday.  Chipper Jones smashed a towering bomb into the right-field bleachers yesterday.  Chipper Jones knocked in five runs yesterday.  Jones leads the majors with a .425 batting average.  A .425 batting average!  He’s got more action than my man John Woo.  And he’s got mad hits like he was Rod Carew.  Rod Carew with power.  Chipper already has one MVP.  Is another one in the making?

3.  Oh, what a tangled Webb we weave.  Brandon Webb just earned his Major League-leading seventh win of the season this weekend.  Webb just matched Randy Johnson for the best start by a Diamondbacks pitcher.  This is nothing Gnew.  No gnews is good gnews.  Webb started 8-0 in 2006.  Webb is only one of three current players who has started 7-0 or better more than once in his career.  Pedro and that earring loving Arthur Rhodes are the others.  Let’s hope Webb’s career ends up resembling Petey’s more than it does Rhodes’.  It will.  This season, Webb’s change-up has become almost on par with his sinker.  That’s saying something.  That’s saying a lot.  Webb has a nasty sinker.  A filthy sinker.  A repugnant sinker.  Now he has a change just as vile?  A Pedro Martinez change?  A Bugs Bunny change?  Watch me paste this pathetic palooka with a powerful paralyzing perfect pachyderms percussion pitch.  One…two…three strikes.  Yer out!  I’m out?  That’s what the man said, you heard the man.

4.  Rafael Furcal and Duke Snider.  Who would ever put those two together?  What do they have in common?  Seems like an Odd Couple to me.  On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence; that request came from his wife.  Deep down, he knew she was right, but he also knew that some day he would return to her.  With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison.  Several years earlier, Madison’s wife had thrown HIM out, requesting that HE never return.  Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?  On May 3, Rafael Furcal scored three runs against the Rockies.  He’s now scored thirty-three runs in thirty games this season.  That’s the most by a Dodgers player in his first thirty games of a season in fifty-three years.  Fifty-three years since the Duke had thirty-four runs in his first thirty games in 1955.  I smell a contract year.

5.  Bad Gnews.  No gnews is good gnews.  Bad gnews for the Jazz.  A Phil Jackson-coached team has gnever lost a postseason series of any length after winning the first game.  Yikes!  Jackson’s teams are 39-0 in playoff series that began with a Game-1 win.

6.  Youppi.  The Comeback Kid:

7.  Roger apologizes:  “I know that many people want to know what I have to say about the recent articles in the media.  Even though these articles contain many false accusations and mistakes, I need to say that I have made mistakes in my personal life for which I am sorry.  I have apologized to my family and apologize to my fans.  Like everyone, I have flaws.  I have sometimes made choices which have not been right.”  A day late and a dollar short.  If he had said this to say, I dunno, oh, around December 13, 2007, you know, when the Mitchell Report came out, maybe he wouldn’t be in this mess. 

8.  Hey Devil Rays, right back atcha.  After being swept for the first time in franchise history by Tampa Bay last weekend, the Red Sox returned the favor.  Returned the favor with flavor.  Cold lampin’ with flavor.  Cold lampin’ and outscored the Rays in the series 26-10.  None of the Tampa Bay starters in the three-game series made it out of the fourth inning.  Yowza!  Not for nothing, this Jon Lester kid is looking more and more like the real deal.  Even though his 13-inning scoreless streak was snapped when the pride of Northeastern University, Carlos Pena, hit his seventh home run of the season, Lester has been lights out.  Roll Sox roll!

9.  Bad Gnews.  No gnews is good gnews.  Bad gnews for the Hornets.  In each of the last two playoff series in which the Spurs blew a double-digit lead in losing the opening game, they bounced back to win the series in six.  Phoenix in the first round of the 2003 playoffs.  Then against Dallas in that year’s Western Conference Finals.  No chicken counting New Orleans.  Not yet.  Yet.

10.  Yankees still suck!  Darrell Rasner?  Kei Igawa?  Ha ha ha!

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!