Boston Celtics Back On The Road To Glory

By: josh q. public

Josh Q. Public: The long and winding road that leads to your door will never disappear. I’ve seen that road before. It always leads me here. Leads me to you door. -Beatles

Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Larry Bird is not walking through that door, fans. Kevin McHale is not walking through that door. And Robert Parish is not walking through that door. And if you expect them to walk through that door, they’re going to be gray and old. Who needs them? And on the cool check in. Center stage on the mic. And we’re puttin’ it on wax. It’s the new style. The New Style Celtics. The Boston Celtics have won just three playoff series in the fifteen seasons since Larry Bird retired. If they win three this year, they will be in the NBA finals. The New Style Celtics will win three. The New Style Celtics will be in the NBA finals. With the Big Ticket, The Truth and Jesus Shuttleworth, how can they not be? With the Big Ticket, The Truth and Jesus Shuttleworth playing the best defense on the planet, how can they not be? The New Style Boston Celtics dominated foes night after night. The New Style Boston Celtics dominated foes fight after fight. The New Style Boston Celtics dominated foes like JJ Evans, dy-no-mite! They won forty-five games by at least ten points. They led the league in point differential averaging over ten points a game. They finished 66-16 after going 24-58 last season. A forty-two game improvement that shattered the old record of thirty-six set by the San Antonio Spurs. Shattered, shattered. Love and hope and sex and dreams are still surviving on the street. Look at me. I’m in tatters! The New Style Celtics left the rest of the NBA in tatters. Yowza! Led the Kevin Garnett league in opponents field goal percentage. Led the league in opponents three point field goal percentage. Second in the league in opponents scoring. Defense wins championships. The Celtics play defense. Stifling defense. Asphyxiating defense. Michael Hutchence defense. Tom Thibodeau defense. Leading the way is the Big Ticket. Here’s your ticket. Hear the drummer get wicked. The Big Ticket may get shammed out of the MVP. May get travestied of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a shammed out of the MVP. He won’t get travestied of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a shammed out of the Playoffs MVP. That, boys and girls, is his and his alone. As is the Finals MVP. But like my main man Red Auerbach always says: “Individual honors are nice, but no Celtic has ever gone out of his way to achieve them. We have never had the league’s top scorer. In fact, we won seven league championships without placing even one among the league’s top ten scorers. Our pride was never rooted in statistics.” Our pride is back. Celtics Pride is back. So climb aboard. Climb aboard the victory train. This train is bound to glory.