Josh Q. Public:  Just cut the stuff, ’til you get enough.  ‘Cause we’re rougher than tougher and rougher tougher than tough!  -Run DMC

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Like my main man Popeye always says, “I’ve had all I can stands, I can’t stands no more.”  How many times do we have to see it?  How many times do we have to see J-Schmoove flying to the hole?  Death defying to the hole.  Electrifying to the hole.  How many time do we have to Joe Johnson get to the lane?  Into the lane without shame.  Again and again.  Until he’s drinking champagne?  The Celtics need to get tough.  Rough and tough, cold huff and puff.  Don’t bluff the stuff, got enough to rough.  The Celtics need to get rough.  Like Kevin McHale got rough.  Like Kevin McHale got rough back in 1984.  Back in 1984 against the LA Lakers.  The Showtime Lakers.  The Jack Nicholson Lakers.  The Dancing Barry Lakers.  Bird Vs. Magic.  East Coast Vs. West Coast.  The Celtics were just embarrassed in Game Three.  Just humiliated in Game Three.  Just abased in Game Three.  And it was happening again.  Happening again in Game Four.  Magic was going coast-to-coast at will.  Big Game James was going to the rack unmercifully.  Byron Scott was knocking down jumper after jumper.  Kareem was skyhooking without abandon.  And that’s when it happened.  That’s when I saw her, ooh, I saw her.  She walked in through the out door, out door.  Kevin McHale walked in through the out door, out door.  Kevin McHale smashed Kurt Rambis to the ground.  Kevin McHale simply caught that four eyed freak in mid-air, grabbed him around the neck, and threw him to the ground. It was brutal.  It was mesmerizing.  It was tantalizing.  Captivating.  Devastating.  That’s the no lay-up rule baby!  It turned around the game.  It turned around the series.  It turned around the way Pat Riley coached basketball.  It is what the Celtics desperately need to employ.  Right here.  Right now.  J-Schmoove goes flying to the rim?  Smash him to the ground.  No lay-up rule.  Joe Johnson gets into the lane?  Smash him to the ground.  No lay-up rule.  The joke is over.  Fun and games are over.  This ain’t no party.  This ain’t no disco.  This ain’t no fooling around.  No time for dancing.  Or lovey dovey.  I ain’t got time for that now.  I ain’t got time for any of it.  And neither should the Celtics.

Public Acknowledgements:  Run DMC, Bill Simmons, Prince, Beastie Boys, Fatboy Slim and the Talking Heads

Public Spectacle This is what the Celtics need to do to the Hawks tonight:

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

Josh Q. Public:  All I know is what I read in the papers.  -Will Rogers

Public Knowledge:

1. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  Barry Zito.  He of the high leg kick.  El Duque style.  Dontrelle Willis style.  And like those guys there, Zito is falling on hard times.  He was once the most feared lefty in all the land.  He once had the nastiest, filthiest, vilest, most repugnant 12–6 curveball in all the land.  Once.  You shouldn’t grab me, Johnny.  My mother grabbed me once…Once!  Now, San Francisco manager Bruce Bochy has decided to demote Planet Zito to the bullpen.  Zito won 95 games for Oakland from 2001 to 2006.  Good for the fourth-most in the bigs over that span.  Only the Big Eunuch, Roy Oswalt and Curt Schilling were better.  Now, there’s a whole lot of folks better.  A whole lot of folks making a whole lot less money are better.  Five on the Giants’ staff.  Five on the worst team in baseball’s staff.  Zito has nineteen losses since joining the Giants and signing that obscene contract prior to the 2007 season.  That ties him with Jose Contreras for the most losses in that time.  Egads!   

2.   Oh, how the mighty have fallen part deux.  Rocket Roger Clemens.  You know it by now.  Know Roger was the robbing the cradle by now.  And the cradle will rock.  Yes, the cradle will rock.  And I say, rock on!  As this defamation nonsense rocks on, Clemens reputation gets rocked as well.  The Daily News report that the Rocket and Mindy McCready met in a Florida karaoke bar when McCready was a fifteen-year-old aspiring singer and Clemens was a twenty-eight-year-old ace for the Boston Red Sox and a married father of two rocks the baseball world.  Give it up Roger.  Give it up now.  Give it up while you still can.  This thing will only get uglier.

3.  This just in.  The Arizona Diamondbacks are good.  Real good.  Peter Gammons’ boy Dan Haren was the winning pitcher for the Baby Backs last night.  His fourth win of the season.  Arizona has three pitchers with four-or-more wins this season.  Three!  Brandon Webb, Micah Owings and Haren.  Three is a magic number.  Yes it is.  It’s a magic number.  Somewhere in the ancient, mystic trinity, you get three, as a magic number.  The D-Backs are just the fifth major league team in the last forty years to have three pitchers with four-or-more wins in the first twenty-six games of a season.  Pretty, pretty good.  It’s only going to get better.  The Diamondbacks called up top prospect Max Scherzer.  Scherzer has been the best pitcher in the minor leagues.  1.17 ERA.  Striking out thirty-eight.  Walking a meager three.  All in twenty-three innings.  The Arizona Diamondbacks are the team to beat in the National League.

4.  What’s happening to my teams?  The Red Sox lose five in a row.  The Celtics drop two to the lowly Hawks.  Like Alfred E. Newman, I’m not worried.  Not even a little bit.  Not for nothing, I now officially hate Zaza Gabor Pachulia.  I want you to get this fuck where he breathes!  I want you to find this Nancy-boy Pachulia.  I want him dead!  I want his family dead!  I want his house burned to the ground!  I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna piss on his ashes!

5.  Looks like Peter Vescey’s boy is at it again.  Looks like Next Town Brown is at it again.  The Associated Press is reporting that the Charlotte Bobcats will name Larry Brown as its new head coach.  If it’s true, it will be the ninth different NBA team that Brown will coach.  If it’s true, it will be the most different teams coached for any man in any of the four major North American professional sports leagues.   When Next Town coaches his first game with the Bobcats, he will break a tie with Mike Keenan and Roger Neilson, who both coached eight different NHL teams.  That’s a lot of teams.  A plethora of teams.  Well, you told me I have a plethora.  And I just would like to know if you know what a plethora is.  I would not like to think that a person would tell someone he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has no idea what it means to have a plethora.

6.  I hope Jason Kidd feels all broke like.  He quits on his team.  Quits on his team and begs out of the swamps of Jersey.  Begs out of the swamps of Jersey only to get smashed by the New Orleans Hornets.  Byron Scott’s New Orleans Hornets.  Coach of the Year Byron Scott.  Byron Scott, the cat Kidd chased out of the swamps of Jersey after two consecutive trips to the NBA Finals.  Like the man says, revenge is a dish best served cold.  Doesn’t get much colder than this.

7.  Rest in Peace Will Robinson.  No, not Lost in Space Will Robinson.  Illinois State basketball coach Will Robinson.  The first Division I black basketball coach.  The Jackie Robinson of college basketball coaches.  He was truly a legend and will be missed.

8.  When keeping it real goes wrong.  Ronaldo, the AC Milan forward, was questioned by police yesterday after an altercation with transvestites in a Rio de Janeiro motel.  Apparently, the altercation began when Ronaldo found out he was dealing with transvestites instead of women.  Yikes! 

9.  I know everybody loves the Lakers.  I still say Spurs.

10.  Yankees still suck!

Peace out homies.  SiX Two and Even!

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!