Josh Q. Public:  I got so much trouble on my mind.  I refuse to lose.  Here’s your ticket.  Hear the drummer get wicked.  -Public Enemy

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Just a quick one today.  A run and stick one today.  A makes me sick one today.  Kobe Bryant for MVP makes me sick.  LeBron James for MVP makes me sick.  The Most Valuable Player in the National Basketball Association this year is Kevin Garnett.  Period.  Stated.  Bordered.  The Big Ticket.  And I gotta get a meal ticket.  To survive you need a meal ticket.  To stay alive you need a meal ticket.  The Celtics got their meal ticket alright.  We’re not talking McDonald’s dollar menu meal ticket.  We’re not talking Swanson’s Hungry Man meal ticket.  We’re talking Peter Luger’s.  We’re talking Sparks.  We’re talking Dylan Prime.  We’re talking United States Grade A  juicy porterhouse.  We’re talking Kevin Garnett.  We’re talking the man who almost single-handedly turned around the NBA’s most storied franchise.  From pretender to contender.  He’s not doing it with all that fancy pants stuff.  He’s not doing it with all that prancy pants stuff.  He’s not doing it with all that dancy pants stuff.  We can dance if we want to.  We can leave your friends behind.  He doesn’t take off from the foul line.  Dipsy-doo dunkeroo slam-jam-bam thank you ma’am.  He doesn’t fill it up for eighty.  He brings his lunch pail.  Night after night.  Fight after fight.  Brings his lunch pail night after night and wills the Celtics to victory.  Wills them to victory with his leadership.  His leadership on defense.  Defense wins championships.  Just ask the San Antonio Spurs.  Just as the Big Fundamental.  Another cat who should be mentioned before King James and the Mamba.  Kevin Garnett is a superstar.  Lives large.  A big house.  Five cars.  He’s in charge.  He is the best all around player in the league.  He scores.  He defends.  He rebounds.  He makes everybody around him better.  Everybody.  You know who does that on the Lakers?  Huh?  Do ya?  Pau.  That’s who.  So while everybody’s jerkin’ Kobe.  So while everybody’s jerkin’ LeBron.  Have the goddam common courtesy to give the Big Ticket a reach-around.  I’ll be watching you.

Public Acknowledgements:  Elton John, Men Without Hats, Dick Vitale and Gunnery Sgt. Hartman

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Why a four-year-old child could understand this report!  Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can’t make head or tail of it.  -Groucho Marx

Public Knowledge:

1.  Rest in peace Myron Cope:

2.  So now the leaders of a House committee want the Justice Department to investigate if Rocket Roger Clemens lied under oath about using performance-enhancing drugs.  All I know is, this thing is going to cost a lot of time and a lot of money.  A lot of time and a lot of money to find out what we already know.  Roger Clemens used.  Why couldn’t he have just told the truth?  Honestly, would anyone have cared?  Jason Giambi?  He told the truth.  He got Comeback Player of the Year.  Andy Pettitte?  He told the truth.  He got himself a fresh new contract.  Roger Clemens?  He lied.  He’s going to jail.

3.  How are the Hornets still buzzing below the radar?  You saw them last night.  You saw them last night against Steve Nash and the mighty Phoenix Suns.  You saw them complete a four-game sweep against Steve Nash and the mighty Phoenix Suns.  Steve Nash and the mighty Phoenix Suns hadn’t been swept in a season-series of at least four games since 2003-04.  I guess the Hornets have arrived.  Chris Paul has arrived.  Chris Paul had 25 points and a dollar fitty last night.  Steve Nash had a meager eight points and a paltry buck thirty.  In four head-to-head meetings this season, Paul has had one more assist than Nash while outscoring him by an average of more than ten points per game.  MVP?  What say you?

4.  Larry Hughes had a game-high twenty-nine points last night.  Drew Gooden had fifteen rebounds last night.  Wally Szczerbiak went three for thirteen last night.  Ben Wallace had six rebounds last night.  I’m just saying.

5.  Uh oh.  Here come the Raptors.  An adventure 65 Million years in the making.  Well, thirteen years in the making, but you get my drift.  Like Dr. Ellie Sattler always says:  “I was overwhelmed by the power of this place; but I made a mistake, too.  I didn’t have enough respect for that power and it’s out now.”  Yes, it’s out now.  The Raptors have won three in a row and five of six.  In their five previous games, the Raptors’ average point differential was 11.6.  Good for third in the NBA behind the Los Angeles Lakers and Houston Rockets.  The Lakers and the Rockets who, with winning streaks of nine and 13 games, respectively, are the hottest teams in the NBA.  In the East, there’s been a lot of talk about the Celtics.  In the East, there’s been a lot of talk about the Pistons.  In the East, somebody better start talking about the Raptors. 

6.  Jeremy Roenick?  Really?  That Jeremy Roenick?  The Pride of Thayer Academy?  That Jeremy Roenick?  Over 100 points for three-straight seasons?  That Jeremy Roenick?  I thought he died.  I guess the reports of his demise were greatly exaggerated.  Jeremy Roenick had the game-winning goal for the Sharks’ last night. He only has ten goals this entire season.  But, but, seven of them have been game-winners.   Yowza!  In NHL history, only two other players had seven game-winners in their first ten or fewer goals of a season.  Wanna know who they are?  Huh?  Do ya?  Sure you do.   Both of them were defensemen.  Does that help?  The Maple Leafs’ Tim Horton hears a who in 1963-64 and that slap shooting fool, Al MacInnis in 1999-2000.

7.  I was gonna do a little a fantasy baseball thing.  I’m not.  Who knows?  I’m in so many leagues, I just may be in one with you.  I’m not helping you.  

8.    No grunting allowed.  A 9-year-old Australian girl has been banned from playing tennis at her local club over the noise she makes while competing.  Are you listening Maria Sharapova?  Are you listening Serena Williams?  Are you listening Monica Seles?  See what happens?  See what you guys started?  Hope you’re happy now.

9.  Ty Law has been released by the Kansas City Chiefs.  Ty Law was courtside at Boston’s Bank North Garden last night.  Are you thinking what I’m thinking?  I would like that.  I would like that a lot.

10.  I got my eye on this Milan Lucic character.  The Boston Bruins Milan Lucic.  Nineteen year-old Milan Lucic.  The next Terry O’Reilly. 

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Earth Angel, earth angel, Will you be mine?  My darling dear, love you all the time.  I’m just a fool, a fool in love with you.  -The Penguins

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  The Pittsburgh Penguins.  Come in out of the cornstarch and dry your mukluks by the fire.  Come into the Igloo and watch the Penguins’ almighty pursuit of the Stanley Cup.  What a move!  What a move!  The Penguins snagged the sniper.  Well, it seems to me, sir, that God gave me a special gift, made me a fine instrument of warfare.  If you was to put me and this here sniper rifle anywhere up to and includin’ one mile of Adolph Hitler with a clear line of sight, sir… pack your bags, fellas, war’s over.  Amen.  Yep, pack your bags fellas, war’s over.  Amen.  The Penguins just made themselves the team to beat.  Tough as concrete.  Turning up the heat.  Turning up the heat with Marian Hossa.  In Marian Hossa, the Penguins just acquired one of the most prolific scorers in the NHL.  Hossa has scored 252 goals over the last seven seasons.  Second-most goals of any NHL player, behind Jarome Iginla (271).  Now you’re going to slip him beside Sid the Kid?  Now you’re going to slip him beside the Next One?  Now you’re going to slip him beside the Wizard of Croz?  Good-night Irene!  Now let’s see how many biscuits he puts into the basket.  We all know how good the Kid is.  We are all watching Evgeni Malkin maturing into one of the game’s top talents right before our very eyes.  Baby what a big surprise.  Right before my very eyes.  Adding Marian Hossa simply adds to Pittsburgh’s firepower.  Peace through superior firepower.  The Stanley Cup through superior firepower.  With Marian Hossa, the Penguins went from the NHL’s best young team, to the NHL’s best team.  Just like that.  When I move, you move.  Just like that.  Just like that, the Penguins are the team to beat.

Public Acknowledgements:  Firesign Theater, Saving Private Ryan, Chicago and Ludacris.

Public Spectacle: 

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!