Carl just may be the funniest man on the planet:

Peace out homies. Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Courage is a special kind of knowledge.  The knowledge of how to fear what ought to be feared and how not to fear what ought not to be feared.  -David Ben-Gurion

Public Knowledge: 

1.  You can’t put a price tag on championships.  Johan Santana, the two-time Cy Young Award winner is looking for a deal upwards around $120 million over six or seven years.  That’s a lot of money.  It ain’t your money.  As much as I hate the Yankees, the one thing I never complained about was their spending.  Them’s the rules.  If I could buy a winner every year, I would.  Just win baby!  Ain’t that what it’s all about? 

2.  Seventeen points?  Plaxico, are you out of your godammed mind?  The lowest amount of points the Patriots scored this year was twenty-four.  That was against the Indianapolis Colts.  With Dwight Freeney.  Senator, I served with the Indianapolis Colts.  I knew the Indianapolis Colts.  The Indianapolis Colts were friends of mine. Senator, you’re no Indianapolis Colts.  Seventeen points my arse.

3.  Is Michael Beasley the best college baller in the country?  In case you haven’t of heard of him yet.  In case you live in a cave.  In case you live under a rock.  Something.  Michael Beasley is the Kansas State beast of a freshman.  Better than OJ Mayo.  Better than Eric Gordon.  Better than Derrick Rose.  Better than all of them.  Beasley leads the NCAA in rebounding and is fourth in scoring.  Beasley just about single-handedly handed Kansas their first loss of the season.  When he wasn’t taking it strong to the hizzy, he was knocking down threes.  Inside out.  Inside out you’re turning me.  You’re giving love instinctively.  Michael Beasley.  Remember the name.  You’ll be hearing it a lot come March.

4.  Speaking of ballers.  How about that Boom Dizzle?  How about that Baron Davis?  I just love that cat.  If it’s late in the game, that’s the cat who I want to have the ball.  You saw it last night.  Raining down three pointers last night.  Raining down three pointers on the heads of the Charlotte New Orleans Hornets.  Rained down the final dagger on the heads the Charlotte New Orleans Hornets last night.  All Star?  All Star?  What say you?  I say absotively, posolutely. 

5.  Another baller.  I wish I was little bit taller.  I wish I was a baller.  I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.  Chris Pauler.  Chris Paul handed out a dollar twenty last night.  Yup, twelve dimes.  That’s the tenth time in a row he’s handed at least a buck.  Pretty generous guy.  The only other guy to be so generous is Canadian Idol Steve Nash. 

6.  You know I love Big Al.  Big Al Jefferson.  Big Al Jefferson, movin’ on up.  Movin’ on up to that deluxe apartment in the sky.  Movin’ up to second.  Second in the league.  Second in the league in double-doubles.  Step up out the club with a dizzy head.  I got two chicks.  Both got dizzy legs.  I’m bout to double up.  R. Kelly style.  Doubled up last night.  Twenty-six points and twenty boards last night.  His third 20/20 game of the season.  That’d be second in league too.  Second behind Thunder Dwight Howard.

7.  Pittsburgh Penguins Car Commercial:

8.  Anyone who calls this Patriots/Giants a New York/Boston rivalry is reaching.  Jets/Pats AFC Championship Game would be bigger than this game here.  In fact, a lot of the older fans in the Boston area are somewhat of Giants fans themselves.  My older brother included.  Back in the day when the Pats were the Patsies, they never sold out at home.  That meant none of the home games were televised.  That meant they put New York Football Giants games on in their stead.  That meant a lot of New Englanders became Giants fans by default.  Me?  I was a closet Raiders fans.  That’s who was on at four.

9.  Lost baby!  Lost!  Thank God.  With this stupid writer’s strike, there’s been absolutely nothing on television besides The Wire.  Finally something else to watch.  Speaking of which, when’s The Shield coming back on.  I miss that crazy summamabitch Vic Mackey.

10.  Yes, Virginia, the Yankees still suck!

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  I’m the king of rock, there is none higher.  Sucker MC’s should call me sire.  To burn my kingdom, you must use fire.  I won’t stop rockin’ till I retire.  -Run DMC

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Like my main man IDAK Alpha 12 always says:  Crush!  Kill! Destroy!  Crush!  Kill!  Destroy!  All right.  Let’s do this.  The one you’ve been waiting for.  Anticipating for.  Roller skating for.  From here to the Golden Gating for.  Patriots/Giants.  Super Bowl XLII.  Sunday!  Sunday!  Sunday!  All I can say to the Giants is this:  Give it up.  Give it up.  Baby give it up.  Abandon hope all ye who enter here.  Welcome to hell.  This game has nothing to do with Eli.  This game has nothing to do with Plax.  This game has nothing to do with Brandon Jacobs or Ahmad Bradshaw. This game has nothing to do with the Giants defense.  Nothing to do with the Giants, period.  Nothing at all.  This game has everything to do with the New England Patriots.  The greatest team to ever roam the planet. The juggernaut Patriots.  The sluggernaut Patriots.  The punch you in the muggernaut Patriots.  This game has everything to do with Tom Brady.  Tom Brady is the best quarterback that has ever been borned.  Tom Brady is the King of the post-season.  NFL record for most consecutive wins in the post season.  Three Super Bowl victories.  Two Super Bowl MVPs.  Most completions in a Super Bowl game.  Tom Brady threw for an NFL record, fifty touchdowns this year.  Tom Brady has thrown a paltry eight interceptions this year.  Tom Brady has gone deep on everybody.  Everybody.  When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks under his bed for Tom Brady.  The Giants won’t be able to find a prayer in the Bible.  I can’t do nuttin’ for you man.  Go lean on Shell’s answer man.  You jumped out of the jelly into a jam.  The best they can hope is for the Patriots to the run the ball.  Then, at least the scores will come more slowly.  Oh, they’ll still come.  Believe you me, they’ll come.  Just more slowly.  Laurence Maroney has smash mouthed for 100 yards in four of the last five games.  Crash mouthed for 100 yards in four of the last five games.  Bash mouthed for 100 yards in four of the last five games.  Including back-to-back 122-yard efforts in postseason wins against the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Chargers.  Pick your poison.  But choose wisely, for while the true Grail will bring you life, the false Grail will take it from you.  Randy Moss is no false Grail.  I wouldn’t choose him.  If he’s open, he burns you.  If you double him, Wes Welker burns you. Or Donte Stallworth burns you.  Or Kevin Faulk burns you.  Or Jabar Gaffney burns you.  Or Big Benjamin Watson burns you.  It’s like walking Papi only to face Manny. Robbing Peter to pay Paul. Business bad?  Fuck you, pay me.  Oh, you had a fire?  Fuck you, pay me.  Place got hit by lightning, huh?  Fuck you, pay me.  The Giants are in trouble all right.  Trouble with a capital T.  And that rhymes with P.  And that stands for Patriots!  Titletown, baby!  Titletown!

Public Acknowledgements:  Lost in Space, KC & the Sunshine Band, The Divine Comedy, Chuck Norris, Out of the Past, Public Enemy, Indiana Jones, Goodfellas and the Music man

Public Spectacle:  This is what the Patriots are going to do to the Giants on Sunday:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!