Josh Q. Public. For the public, by The Public. Irreverent sports opinion from a Bostonian in New York. The one blog to read, when you’re reading more than one.
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Josh Q. Public:Thinking is what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. ~William James
Public Knowledge:
1. Kobe Bean. The Mamba. First he ran Shaq out of town. Three rings and run out of town. Rocked this town, rocked it inside out. They rocked this town, made ‘em scream and shout. The Lakers have not won a playoff series since O’Neal was traded. The Lakers have a 121-125 record the last three seasons. Now that Kobe has ruined his team, he wants out himself. Is there anything to get you to remain with the Laker organization? No, Bro. Is there a more selfish player in all of sportsdom than this cat? No, Bro. And they say Lenny Bias hurt the Celtics.
2. A-Broad. Ha ha ha ha! Nobody loves me. Everybody hates me. I’m gonna eat a worm! Why don’t they love me? Because you’re a phony. A-Broad: I certainly don’t think this will be a distraction to our team. Wanna bet?
3. Last month’s totals. Mike Lowell: .343. A-Broad: .235. Mike Lowell: Six bombs. A-Broad: Five bombs. Mike Lowell: Twenty-one RBIs. A-Broad: Eleven RBIs. What distraction? You’re my big distraction. Or biggest companion. I’m falling fast. Like an avalanche. A petite stripper at the Hustler Club: ”A-Rod likes the she-male, muscular type. They brought me up to the champagne room one time. I spun around once and that was it. I’m not his type.” Ha ha ha ha!!!!!
4. Those Juggernaut Spurs just keep rolling. Keep movin’, movin’, movin’. Though they’re disapprovin’. Keep them doggies movin’ Rawhide! Just smashed the Jazz. Start the car I know a whoopee spot. Where the gin is cold, but the piano’s hot. And all that Jazz. The Spurs are hot. Tony Parker’s hot. Tim Duncan’s hot. The Finals begin a week from Thursday in San Antonio, regardless of who comes out of the East. The Spurs begin their Championship run a week from Thursday in San Antonio, regardless of who comes out of the East.
5. Is there a hotter hitter in baseball right now than the Greek God of Walks. Youk! Youk! Youk! Superstar hot. Kevin Youkilis. Superstar. Do you think you’re what they say you are? Grinding it out. Working the count. Fouling off the tough pitches. Making opposing pitchers sweat. I want to make you sweat. Sweat till you can’t sweat no more. And if you cry out, I’m gonna push it, push it some, mo-o-ore. Pushing it for a twenty-one game hitting streak. Pushing it for nine consecutive multihit games. Pushing it for a .358. batting average. Pushing it to be the hottest hitter in baseball.
6. Making me feel young again. The Big Eunuch can etch his name in record books once again. He won the battle with Jaime Moyer in the oldest matchup of lefties in MLB history, giving up just one hit in six innings as the D-Backs swept the three-game series with the Phillies. Moyer is 44 years old while Johnson is 43. And I feel old.
7. Yankees playing scared. Pushing the Rocket lift-off till Monday. What a difference a day makes. What a diff’rence a day makes, twenty-four little hours. Brought the sun and the flowers. Pure cowardice. They’re yella. Yella that Boom-Boom Beckett will smash the air right out of their big yella tires. Yella that a Rocket loss to the Sox on Sunday night in front of national TV audience will shatter all morale. They’re playing scared and I love it.
8. The Giants held their third team workout of the spring yesterday, but they are still waiting for Jeremy Shockey and Plaxico Burress to participate in their first. Just Gross. Blame Eli all you want, but as long these two cats continue to do whatever they want, this team goes nowhere. Not for nothing, Randy Moss was at camp. Rings on his fingers and bells on his toes. Say has anybody seen my Sweet Randy Moss? Yup, at camp. Where Shockey and Burress should be.
9. Speaking of hot hitters, don’t look now, but here comes Gary Sheffield. .321, ten Bombs and twenty-one RBIs this past month. Think the Yankees could use him? Ha ha ha ha ha! Na, they got Giambi. Ha ha ha!
Public Acknowledgements: Stray Cats, LA Times, ESPN Radio, Gwen Stefani, NY Daily News, Velma, Buster Olney, UB40, Tony Bennett and Tony Orlando.
Josh Q. Public:Bye-bye, Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry. Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye. And singin’, this’ll be the day that I die. This’ll be the day that I die. -Don McLean
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Brian Leetch. Just retired. Just put out the fired. It’s been all over the telegraph wired. A Connecticut Yankee in Lord Stanley’s Court. Cheshire, Connecticut. Born in the USA. A long gone Daddy in the U.S.A. A cool rocking Daddy in the U.S.A. Cool rocking his way to be one of the best American defenseman of all time. Cool rocking his way to the Hall of Fame. Cool rocking his way to the Josh Q. Public All-American Hockey Team:
Goalie: Mike Richter. Iron Mike Richter. The best American to hold a goalie stickter. Lightning quickter. Hotter than a candle wickter. He was hot in the 1996 World Cup. Spectacular in the 1996 World Cup. Spectacular, spectacular. No words in the vernacular can describe this great event. You’ll be dumb with wonderment. Team Canada was dumb with wonderment. Dumb with wonderment in the deciding Game 3 in Montreal. Dumb with wonderment as Richter stole the MVP. Dumb with wonderment as he stole Game 3 from the Canadians. Stole the title. That’s what Richter did. Ease my troubles, that’s what you do. Stole the 1994 Stanley Cup title. Shut down the mighty Canucks in the deciding final minutes of the 1994 Stanley Cup Finals. Shut down all those 1940 chants. Ultimately, Richter was shut down by injuries. Torn anterior cruciate ligaments in each knee in consecutive seasons. Comebacks. Fractured skull. Concussions. No comeback. You can Tom Barasso me. You can John Vanbiesbrouck me. Heck, you can even Frank “Mr. Zero” Brimsek me. I’m still taking Mike Richter.
Defense:Chris Chelios. Cherrios. Gonna tempt your tummy with the taste of nuts and honey. It’s a honey lovin’ O. It’s Big Chris Chelios. Big Chris Chelios. Ruthless. Big Chris Chelios. Durable. Big Chris Chelios. Cunning. Big Chris Chelios. Determined. Big Chris Chelios. The best American hockey player of all time. You’re simply the best, better than all the rest. Better than anyone. Anyone I’ve ever met. Dallas Drake: “He’s hockey’s ultimate warrior.” The Ultimate Warrior, Gorilla Press Slamming his way to three Norris Trophies. Gorilla Press Slamming his way to fourteen All-Star games. Gorilla Press Slamming his way to two Stanley Cup Finals and one ring. With this ring I promise I’ll always love you, always love you. Blackhawk fans will always love him. Red Wing fans will always love him. We all will always love him.
Defense:Brian Leetch. Son of a beetch. From my own alma mater. Avon Old Farms School. The same Avon Old Farms that brought you the Toast Man. Juan Nieves. Owner of a no-no for the Milwaukee Brewers. Avon Old Farms. The Winged Beavers. Aspirando et Perseverando. Aspiring and persevering. Brian Leetch aspired. Brian Leetch persevered. Aspired and persevered to be the only American to ever win the Conn-Smythe Trophy. Or as we like to say over here in the States, MVP. MVP of the playoffs. Win or go home. Leetch won. The Canucks went home. Aspiring and persevering to win the Norris Trophy two times. Get the papers, get the papers. Aspiring and Persevering to win Rookie of the Year. One play sums up Leetch’s career best. Rangers vs. Lightning. Very very frightening. Fredrick Modin winds up. Down goes Leetchie! Down he goes. Palm first. Breaks his wrist. Breaks his wrist but not before blocking Modin’s shot. Blocks another. He robbed another and another and a sister and a brother. He tried to rob a man who was a DT undercover. Comes back out for another shift. Blocks another shot from Modin. Then, he gets back to the bench and throws up. Brian Leetch. Aspirando et Persevando.
Center:Neal Broten. Minnesota, hats off to thee. To thy colors true we shall ever be. Firm and strong, united are we. Rah! Rah! Rah! Minnesota! Minnesota! Nobody did for American hockey what this kid done did. In Minnesota, he’s Paul Bunyan. He’s Johnny Appleseed. He’s John Henry. He’s Pecos Bill. Why, he’s the Western Superman to say the least. He was the roughest, toughest critter, never known to be a quitter. ‘Cause he never had no fear of man nor beast. Do you believe in miracles? Member of the Miracle on Ice team. He is the only player to have won the NCAA championship, the Olympic Gold Medal, and the Stanley Cup. He made a total of three appearances in the state high school tournament. His 1978 individual high school record of four assists in one period still stands today. I’m still standing after all this time. Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind. People here will want Mike Modano. I can’t blame them. But, I grew up with number seven and besides, it’s my damn blog!
Forward:Joey Mullen. Hell’s Kitchen. NYC. Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten. From the Battery to the top of Manhattan. Asian, Middle-Eastern and Latin. Black, White, New York you make it happen. Joey Mullen made it happen. Made it happen on offense. Just passed by Mike Modano for most goals scored by an American. Made it happen when it counts. Three rings. Like my main man Duke Ellington always says: It don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got them rings. Made it happen rackin’ up the points. First American to rack up 1,000 points. Made it happen going both ways. He had a touch for scoring goals, but also paid the price in the corners and in front of the net. I’ll never forget Mullen returning to play for the Bruins after missing thirty-three games. Wearing a protective neck collar. Top dollar with the gold flea collar dippin’ in my blue Impala. In the next two games, at age thirty-nine, he scored his fourth and fifth goals of the season. Time of the Season. What’s your name? Who’s your daddy? Joey Mullen.
Forward:Keith Tkachuk. A Melrose Red Raidah. A blue line invadah. As cool as lemonaidah. Think power forward. Think Cam Neely. By his third NHL season, Tkachuk was a 50-goal scorer and in 1996-97 became the first American-born player to lead the NHL in goals. He managed to score at least twenty goals in his first twelve full seasons in the NHL. I remember on Sega Genesis, this guy was sick. Pavel Bure sick. Ray Borque sick. He played hard. Hard. My calling card. Recorded and ordered. Supporter of Chesimard. Hard enough to hold the Phoenix Coyotes franchise record for career game-winning goals. Hard enough to hold the Phoenix Coyotes franchise record for career penalty minutes. Hard enough to make the Josh Q. Public All-American Hockey Team.
Public Acknowledgements: Mark Twain, Bruce Springsteen, Moulin Rouge, Rod Stewart, General Mills, Tina Turner, Bryan Barry James Hellwig, The Platters, Goodfellas, Queen, Howard Cosell, Slick Rick, Elton John, Beastie Boys, Snoop Dogg, Zombies and Public Enemy.
When the complete book on sportsblogging in the 21st century is composed, Josh Q. Public will have earned the longest chapter. His influence on sportsblogging has been profound. -Dick Enberg