Josh Q. Public: I’ve got more action than my man John Woo, and I’ve got mad hits like I was Rod Carew. -Beastie Boys

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  All right?  Satisfied?  Was there ever any doubt?  Was there?  If there was, it was quickly erased.  Very quickly.  Five minutes quickly.  Seven plays quickly.  Six for six, 94 yards quickly.  That’s all it took.  That’s all it took for the whole country to get it.  For the whole country to understand what the hell I’ve been talking about around here.  Do you get it now?  Finally?  The Vikings do.  The Patriots just tore them up.  Hand Banana style.  That first drive was important and all.  A real attention grabber.  A statement maker.  But it wasn’t the story of the game.  You wanna know what was?  You know you do.  It was Minnesota’s second possession.  Their defense just picked my boy, Brady.  It made ‘em feel all strong and junk.  Like they were gonna do something.  They tried. 3rd and 8.  Roosevelt Colvin III.  Roosevelt Colvin III had the sack.  Roosevelt Colvin III had Brad Johnson in his hot little hands.  Roosevelt Colvin III couldn’t hold on.  Complete pass.  Eight yard gain.  First down.  Back breaker, right?   Wrong.  Back bender.  This is the bend don’t break New England Patriot Defense.  This drive is indicative of what they’ve been doing all along.  Bend don’t break.  Don’t believe me?  Check it, check it out.  Going into this game, the Patriots ranked 13th in yards allowed.  But here’s the rub.  They ranked fourth in points allowed.  See where I’m going with this?  Bend don’t break baby, bend don’t break.  The Vikings get down to the six.  Interception.  The Dirtiest Player in Football.  Ball game.  Oh, how the tide has turned.  The Vikings never recovered.  Ball game.  It sounded so nice, I said it twice.  So I guess the cat’s out of the bag.  The jig is up.  The Patriots are good.  Who woulda thunk?  Bring on the Colts.  Bring on da Bears.  Bring on the rings.

Public Notices:  Just some stuff from watching the game.

1.  Doesn’t Brad Childress look like Ned Flanders.  Think he got his headset at the Leftorium?  Right next to the Tommy Hillclimber?  I’ll tell you this, he absitvely, posolutely got his ass spanked last night.  They don’t call it the New England Spankological Protocol for nothing.

2.  I wish after Chad Jackson crawled into the end-zone, Belichick lit a victory cigar.  Red Auerbach style.  That’s what I wish.  What a tribute that would have been.  A tribute, I say.

3.  The Human Bobble Head Derby:  First of all, is that a rip off of these pages right here?  It just might be.  I’ll talk to my lawyers, Rabinowitz, Rabinowitz and Rabinowitz, and I’ll get back to you.  What could the NFL have possibly been thinking?  I can’t believe they let the Mike Tirico bobble get so close to the Vikings Cheerleaders.  Very dangerous.  Not for nothing, how does he still have a job, on Monday Night Football yet, and Harold loses his?  Jason Jackson style. 

4.  Red Auerbach: ” Individual honors are nice, but no Celtic has ever gone out of his way to achieve them… Our pride was never rooted in statistics.”  Who does that sound like?  Um, I dunno, the Patriots?

Public Knowledge:

1.  Breaking news.  This just in.  Curtis Martin done for the year.  Career may be over. 

2.  The Celtics will wear a black clover leaf on their uniforms to tribute Red.  You know what would be a bigger tribute?  Try winning.  Huh?  Have you thought about that?  Huh?  Well, have you?  Black Clover?  Is that near the Purple Shamrock?  Just asking.

3.   You know the guy they picked up in relation to Trevor Berbick’s untimely demise?  They just picked his moms.  Yup.  Earlier this year, Berbick was charged with assault for punching her.  Dribs and drabs this story’s coming in.  Dribs and drabs.

4.  Tom Terrific.  Brady threw for 257 yards in the first half, a career high and the most this season in the NFL.  Yowza!  Peyton who?

5.  Here’s a fun little tidbit for y’all.  NBA opening day rosters were set on Monday.   Connecticut is the college with the most players in the league with 14.  Duke with 13.  North Carolina with 12.  Arizona with 10 and UCLA with 10.  That was fun, wasn’t it?

6.  LeBronze James wins the MVP this year.  Mark my words.  Mark them, I say!  I want to say they go to the Finals.  I dunno know if I’m ready to make that leap.  The Cavs still need a solid number two guy.  They don’t have that yet.

7.  You oughta be in pictures.  You’re wonderful to see.  You oughta be in pictures.  Oh what a hit you would be!  Little Jack Little style.  Mr. Hockey.  Gordie Howe.  New movie.  All about his 1973-74 WHA season.  It’s actually a great story.  You know it.  Bad wrist.  Retires from hockey.  Two years later he signs with the Houston Aeros of the WHA.  Plays with his sons.  Wins two titles in a row.  Wins the MVP.  His son wins Rookie of the Year.  Mark Howe:  “Dad’s mind-set on the ice was different than most anybody else I’ve ever met.  He can be cruel.  I’ve seen him be vicious.  I’ve seen him hurt people and I used to think, ‘Wow, it’s like he meant to do it.‘”

8.  The new phone book’s here! The new phone book’s here!  I’m somebody now!  This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need.  I’m in print!  Things are going to start happening to me now.  The Jerk style.  Well the reviews are in.  One of ‘em anyway.  And I’m a hit.  What?  You don’t believe me?  See for yourself.  Then we’ll see what’s what.  SportsBlogging.net

9.  Remember the Super Bowl Shuffle?  Well now for something completely different.  Monty Python style.  The Isiah Shuffle.  Remember when Isiah guaranteed the Knicks would go to the play-offs.  Well now for something completely different.  This time he says he “sure as hell hopes” they have a shot.  When is James Dolan ever gonna see this guy doesn’t have a clue.  Oh ya, neither does James.

10.  NBA action.  Basketball kicks off tonight.  Fan-tastic and I love it!   Watch out for Net rookie Marcus Williams.  As the kids say, he’s a baller.  I wish I was a little bit taller.  I would be a baller.  I would have a girl who looks good, I would call her.  Skee Lo style.  I miss Antoine Walker.  I miss the Quake.  Sure he was a gunner.  He was a leader too.  We don’t have one now.  And that’s the Truth.

11.  Wake signs, but who is he going to throw to?  Mirabelli just filed for free agency.

12.  I wish Bob Ryan would write a weekly NBA column.  He’s the best there is.  It would put Vecsey’s Hoops Du Jour to shame.  Shame I tell you.  Denis Lemieux style.

13.  Uh oh!  Milf weed strikes again.  Belichick’s son busted.  I’m sure Bill will talk about it at length during his next press conference.

13.  Pity the Seahawk fan.  Shawn Alexander’s foot is still cracked.  Will not play Monday night.  Those guys are in truh-ble.

14.  Suppan to the Yankees?  Maybe.  They’re thinking about it.

15.  What do these guys have in common?  Jalen Rose, Penny Hardaway, Keith Van Horn, Nick Van Exel, Jimmy Jackson, Doug Christie, Tony Delk, Antonio Davis, Walter McCarty and Howard Eisley?  They’re all out of work.  Out of basketball.  Look at the upside.  At least now they can take their guns to town without Daddy Stern breathing down their necks.

16.  PS:  I watched the game with my buddies Red and Chompers last night.  I stole many of today’s jokes from them.  Especially the Simpsons stuff, and some others.  But like my main man Steven Wright always says:  “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”  And besides, it’s my damn blog.  Get your own.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q Public:  What’s right isn’t always popular. What’s popular isn’t always right.

Public Service Announcement: OK here we go!  Just some fun factoids I found while scouring Al Gore’s Internet.  Get you ready for some football.  Some Monday Night Football.  Make you look all Einsteiny.  Real smart around ye olde water cooler.  Impress your friends and junk.  Now, enjoy.  But don’t say I never gave you nothing.

Tom Brady:  I gotta start with my boy, don’t I?  Huh?  Don’t I?  Waddya wanna know?  You want to know what Tom’s record is?  That would be cool, right?  He’s 63-21.  Yowza!  That’s pretty, pretty good.  75%.  Suzie Kolber’s boyfriend, Broadway Joe Wiile Namath, doesn’t have as many wins as Mr. Terrific.  And that cat played 13 seasons.  That cat is in enshrined in Canton.  That cat’s career record is 62-63-4.  There I said it.  Tom Brady is better than the Original Bachelor.  Maybe if he wasn’t so busy wearing nylons and visiting Bobby Brady and stuff, he woulda got a couple more wins.  Let Noxema cream your face, so the razor won’t.  All right.  Enough about Joe, let’s get back to Tommy Boy.  85 straight starts.  Yup, 85 straight.  Ever since my favorite football player, Mo Lewis, took out Drew Baby.  No Mo, no Brady.  Get it?  85 straight.  That ties for 8th all time with former MVP, former Comeback Player of the Year, former Los Angeles Ram, former Philadelphia Eagle, former coach of the 0-10 WLAF Raleigh-Durham Skyhawks, Roman Gabriel.  No relation to Doug.  Wait, it gets better.  Since the Mo Lewis incident, no NFL quarter back has won more games than Brady.  Nobody.  Not your boy Peyton.  When he hasn’t been shilling DirecTV, ESPN, MasterCard, Reebok, Sprint, Sony, Bill Estes Automotive, Marsh, Gatorade, Rawlings or Chico’s Bail Bonds, he has won enough games to earn him second with 58.  Donovan, my fantasy QB who killed me yesterday, is third with 50.  Jake the Snake, 49.  Ted Stroehmann’s boy, Brett Favre has 48.  All right, I guess we’re done here.  We should probably do something Viking now.

Brad Johnson:  Brad Johnson’s old.  Not real old. I mean, I’m older than him.  But he’s old for a quarterback.  He’s 38.  That’s old for a football player.  That’s really old for an offensive player.  In fact, he is the oldest offensive player in the NFL.   Next in line is Ted Stroehmann’s boy again, Grampy Favre, 37.  If you don’t count kickers.  If you don’t count punters.  If you don’t count long snappers.  And quite frankly, Steven A. style, why should you?  If you don’t count them, the oldest players in the league are, Ted “Fatter Than Anybody You Know” Washington, Brad and not so Junior Seau.  And, not for nothing, if you we keep discounting those cats, tonight’s game will put Junior in the lead for games played among active players.  237.  But this isn’t about Seau, it’s about Brad.  He’s old.  All that talk about Brady’s 63 wins, I almost forgot to mention, Johnson has collected 69 wins himself.  6 more than Tom.  But don’t forget, he played about a million more seasons.  I know, not a million.  Brad Johnson came out of Florida State in 1992.  Played for the Vikings, Bucs, Redskins and now the Vikings again.  He’s got 7 years on Brady.  Not a bad little winning percentage though.  69-45.  61%.  It’s better than the spleenless kid’s father.  60%.  Better than Troy Aikman.  57%.  I don’t care.  He’s still losing tonight.

Here’s a cool one.  Josh McDaniels.  Patriots Offensive Coordinator.  30 years old.  I know a lot of age stuff today.  Hey, did you know that the Mailman was the oldest guy to make a triple double?  Yup, he was 40.  All right, where was I?  Mike Tomlin.  Vikings Defense Coordinator.  34 years old.  The youngest Offensive Coordinator in the league will be going up against the youngest Defensive Coordinator.  Not bad?  Right?

Running Backs:  If you don’t count Curtis Martin.  If you don’t count Marshall Faulk.  Corey Dillon has the most career rushing yards among active players.  10,757.  I wouldn’t count those guys.  They’re not going to play.   Over the last two seasons, Dillon hasn’t fumbled.  At all.  Not once.  Not to be outdone, Mr. 96 yards from scrimmage, Chester Taylor, has 158 touches this season.  He hasn’t fumbled once.  Not once.  That ties him for the lead for most touches without a fumble with Stephen Jackson.  No, not the getting hit by a car, gun shooting Stephen Jackson.  The other guy.  The guy that plays for the Rams because Marshall Faulk, is hurt, and if he weren’t hurt, Corey Dillon wouldn’t be the active career rushing leader.  That Stephen Jackson.

Public Knowledge: 

1.  Malkin. 5 goals in his first 5 games.  I hope he goes forever.  The last guy to get a goal in each of first five games?  Dmitri Kvartallnov.  Boston Bruins.  Another Russian.  It must be in the water over there.  I remember using him on the Sega Genesis.  #11.  Before Ulf ruined Cam’s career. 

2.  Who’s got him on fantasy?  What a day.  What  a  day!  LT explodes for 183 yards.  Another 3 TDs.  Yikes.  What’s he got?  11 TDs now?  It’s the sixth time in six seasons LT has hit double figures. The only other guys to do it?  Evgeni Malkin and  Dmitri Kvartallnov.  I’m kidding.  I kid.  Champion style.  It’s  Jim Brown and Emmitt Smith.  Those cats did it in their first seven seasons.  Jim Brown and Emmit huh?  Not bad company to be in.  Not as good as Janet and Chrissy.  But still, not bad company. 

3.  Tony Romo.  Every time I hear that name, I think of that Public Enemy song:  “And at home I got a call from Tony Rome.  The FBI was tapin’ my telephone.  I never live alone.  I never walk alone.  My posse’s always ready, and they’re waitn’ in my zone.”  Louder Than a Bomb style.  Every time.  All right.  Tony Romo.  His first start.  Rallied the Boys from 14-points down in the first.  Threw for 270 yards and a touchdown.  I didn’t think he was gonna come back.  I don’t think anybody did. 

4.  Eagles lose three in a row.  Lose to the Jaguars.  Good.  There’s too many loud mouthed Philly fans here in Hoboken anyway.  The only downside?  Like I said before, I have Donovan in fantasy.  He killed me yesterday.  Killed me.

5.  He ain’t jacked.  He ain’t pumped.  Pete Carroll and USC lose to the Beavers.  He he he, Beavers.  That’s good news for Louisville, Rutgers and West Virginia.  Still riding that undefeated bus.  Big East football.  Who woulda thunk?

6.  Air McNair.  The reports of his death have been greatly exaggerated.  Samuel Clemens style.  You can only hope to contain him.  By the time the Saints figured out how to do that, His Airness had already run for a touchdown and thrown for two more.  It didn’t hurt the Raven D got two picks.  Baltimore halts its losing streak.  Some of the shine is fading from those little golden shoes.  St. Reggie.  Only had 16 yards rushing on five carries.  Four catches for 5 yards.  He fumbled and threw an interception.  Sprained his ankle.  Not a good day.  Not a good day at all.

7.  Who dey?  Who dey?  Who dey think gonna beat them Bengals?  Ron Mexico, that’s who.  Michael Vick.  I’m a Vick hater.  But, he was the difference maker yesterday.  Put on quite a show for the nice people in Cincinnati.  Looked sharp.  Made some clutch running plays.  Threw three TD passes.   Was 20 of 28.  Threw for 291 yards.  Running the ball?  Left a plethora of Bengal defenders in his wake.  Three Amigos style.  55 yards.  Falcons win!  Falcons win! 

8.  Who killed Trevor?  I was gonna do a whole story on this yesterday, but then Red died and, well, you know.  But it looks like they caught guy who Lizzy Bordened Berbick to death.  I guess the 20 year old suspect was involved in a land dispute with the pugilist.  At 16, Berbick claims to have had a vision from God himself.  Berbick, Olympian.  Berbick, the last guy to fight Ali.  Berbick, the guy the Dynamite Kid, Mike Tyson, beat the holy hell out of to get his first title.  Berbick, the original Rocky.  A journeyman fighter who went fifteen heroic rounds with the Easton Assassin, Larry Holms.  Lands him a title shot.  Beats Pinklon Thomas.  Wins the belt.  Loses it to Iron Mike.  Dies in a church.

9.  Larry Johnson.  Showing the world why he was St. Reggie’s  number one fantasy pick.  155 yards and four touchdowns.  Yowza!  Making Herm look good.  Chiefs win in a barn burner.  Or as we like to say back home, a bahn burna.  Seneca is awful.  Two INTs.  Elizabeth’s brother-in-law can’t get back fast enough for Seahawk fans.

10.  Red.  Everybody talks about the Joe Barry Carroll for McHale and Chief deal.  It was good.  But how about getting DJ for Rick Robey?  DJ for Rick Robey?  Brilliant!  Guinness style.  Without that deal, the Celtics may not have won the two KC Jones Championships.  Without McHale’s foot, Bird’s back, Lenny then Reggie, they may have a won a bunch more.

11.  Da Giants look tough.  Real tough.  Ford tough.  Too bad the da Bears are in da NFC too.  Chicago’s 41-0 halftime lead was da second-biggest halftime lead in history. One point shy of da record.  Packers 49-7.  In front of Tampa.  On da frozen tundra at Lambeau Field.  1983.

12.  I can’t wait to write the story three weeks from now.  Pats win tonight.  Pats beat the Colts.  Pats beat da Bears.  Who’s your daddy?

13.  Free Vince Young.  We hear about St. Reggie.  We hear about Paris Hilton’s baby daddy boyfriend.  Heck we even hear about Laurence Maroney.  But what about Vince.  Yesterday, he runs for a touchdown.  Throws for another one.  The Titans win consecutive games for the first time since the end of the 2003 season.  Sure it was against the Texans, but still.  Tennessee Titans, Tennessee Titans, Tennessee Titans number one!  Just doesn’t have the same ring.

14.  He’s baaack.  Everybody’s favorite wide receiver.  Jerry Porter.  One catch.  19 yards.  It’s worth it, right?

15.  More Titans talk.  Adam “Pacman” Jones issued a citation for misdemeanor assault charges after a Tennessee State student accused him of spitting in her face at a nightclub.  Bobby Alomar style.  Maybe she looked like Blinky.  But spitting in a girl’s face, honestly.

16.  Mr. Endorsement does it again.  Rips apart the Broncos.  With that win yesterday at Mile High, the Colts became the second team in NFL history to start consecutive seasons with seven straight wins. The Pack did it in three consecutive seasons from 1929 to 1931.

17.  World Series.  Lamest ever?  Discuss.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Show me a good loser, and I’ll show you a loser.

Public Service Announcement:  First I was going to write about Joe Niekro.  Knuckleballer.  Emery board.  Grew up on the same street with John Hondo Havlicek.  Taught Tim Wakefield everything he knew.  What’s not to like?  Then I was going to write about Trevor Burbick.  Wild story.  At the age of 16 saw God.  At the age of 51 dead in a church.  At the age of 29, with cross and bible in hand, busts into Don Kings hotel room.  Recites the 91st Psalm:  “The Lord is on your side…Only thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.”  At the age of 51, butchered, Lizzy Borden style.  Olympian.  World Champion.  Last man to fight Ali. 

Then this.  I didn’t see it coming.  Arnold Red Auerbach.  I’ve been singing his praises all week.  I’ve been singing about all his disciples coaching in the NBA.  I’ve been singing about his place in the fight against racism.  I’ve been singing about his desire to win.  But somehow, none of it prepared me for this.  Red Auerbach dead.   Wednesday will be the first season opener in NBA history without the redhead.  As far as the Celtics have been concerned, we’ve always held out hope.  We knew Red was there.  It gave us comfort.  Made us feel secure.  This is truly the end of an era.  In the upcoming days and weeks, you’re going to be hearing a lot about Red.  I don’t feel I can write anything  that would do him any justice.  So, instead of me talking about Red, I’ll let Red do the talking.

Red on Winning: 

I’ll tell you why I’m doing it, because this is one 62-year-old man who still wants to win.  And you want to know something else?  I like the feeling.  When you lose that, baby, it’s time to go home.

There’s no substitute for winning, that’s the bottom line.  When you win, you’re a genius, regardless of what it took.

They say that losing comes easier as you grow older.  But losing keeps getting harder for me.  I just can’t take it like I used to.  It’s time for me to step out.

If your keeping score, win.

The hardest thing to do is win it the second time.

There are ways to gain an edge.  I’ll give you an example: If you’re playing against a fast-breaking team, you put new nets up so the ball won’t go through quick.  It hangs up.  In kickball, you water the field the night before; or you let the grass grow. In hockey, you make soft ice if you’re playing against a fast team. In baseball, you raise or lower the pitcher’s mound according to your pitcher, not their pitcher.

If they think we got an edge, we got an edge.

You don’t kiss your enemy!  You see, theoretically, if I’m playing against you, if you make me look bad and I get fired, you’re my enemy.  That means you’re taking the food out of my mouth, out of my family’s mouth.  So as long as you’re my enemy, let’s be enemies!  I saw a game the other night, after it was over, guys from both teams were hugging each other…We never did that!  Until the game was over, we were fighting for our life!  We zoomed right into the dressing room afterward.

Red on Coaching: 

Some coaches have to show every day that they’re in control.  That’s a sign of weakness in my book.

I never missed a practice or a game in 20 years.  There was no such thing as a day off.  It was tough.

I was a coach who listened.  I had guys when I was coaching who were in their thirties, like Cousy, Havlicek, Russell, all those guys.  They were very bright.  I’ve got to be stupid, as a coach, not to utilize their intelligence.

I don’t ever want a guy to say to me, when I tell him to do something, “Why?”

You play as you practice.  (Are you listening AI?)

Eighty percent of the announcers who do color on TV are fired coaches.  If they were such experts, why’d they get fired?

Look after your people.

You know what bothers me?  All these ballplayers, they all want to play for contenders. That’s bullshit.  You play where you’re playing and do the best you can and let things work out.  It’s like coaches.  When you get a good coach, whether it be a Phil Jackson or somebody else, what the hell does it take to have a ready-made ball club that’s star-studded?

(More Phil Jackson)  Phil is obviously a good coach.  You don’t win that many games without being a damn good coach…Remember one thing: He’s been very fortunate. He picks his spots. That’s all I can say.

It’s a great feeling to be the coach of the best team in the world.

They said you have to use your five best players; but I found you win with the five who fit together the best.

Spread the credit when you win. Take the blame when you lose.

Red on Bill Russell: 

This is a guy who made shot-blocking an art.  Today, there are very few people who know how to block shots like he did.  They like to smack it away into the stands.  Russ kept the ball in play and I’d say 75 percent of the time, we came up with the ball.

Bill was an emotional guy with a great mind.  You could fool him once, but you’d never fool him twice.

There’s no player today who compares to Bill Russell.  As great as Shaq is, it would have been interesting to have Chamberlain knock bodies with him; or Russell blocking all his shots.  See?  Oscar Robertson, Jerry West, John Havlicek, shoot!  I mean, John Stockton is a hell of a player, but I don’t take him ahead of Cousy.

I had to have somebody who could get me the ball.  I’d been tipped off about Russell by my college coach, Bill Reinhart.  Bill said Russell was the greatest defensive player and greatest rebounder he’d ever seen.

Nobody had ever blocked shots in the pros before Russell came along.  He upset everybody.

Red On Racism: 

Black, white, or whatever, we didn’t give a damn.  If you could play, you could play, and that’s the way we were.

Adolph Rupp was no racist.  Yes, he hated black players.  He also hated white players and green players, if they couldn’t play.

To me, a person always has been a person, whether he could play or couldn’t play, regardless of his religion or color.  If he were better than the next guy, hey, he should play.

Red On the Celtics Mystique:

Paul Silas had been in the league for about eight or nine years, and we got him in a trade.  And after about four months in Boston, he came over to me and he says, “You know, I’d like to say something to you, Coach.” I said, “What’s that?” He said, “When I was in Phoenix, I always felt that the Celtic mystique and pride was a bunch of crap.” He said, “I want you to know that it’s the greatest thing I ever saw, and I want you to know that I’m happy to be a part of it.” That gave me a great, great thrill.

Individual honors are nice, but no Celtic has ever gone out of his way to achieve them.  We have never had the league’s top scorer. In fact, we won seven league championships without placing even one among the league’s top 10 scorers. Our pride was never rooted in statistics.

One thing is that our players always were happy.  We treated them as people.  That was the Celtic mystique, or pride, or whatever you call it.  We have a history of taking care of our own. For example, Cousy and Tom Heinsohn are our TV announcers. Rick Weitzman is a scout.  Dennis Johnson is a scout.  M.L. Carr is our community relations guy.  We hired Dave Cowens to teach the big men. All our coaches, except two, Bill Fitch and Jimmy Rodgers, have been Celtics.  Hey, Larry Bird is in the front office now. As a result, we got a reputation: If you play in Boston, and keep your nose clean, the Celtics will take care of you.

Red On Wilt Chamberlain:

Chamberlain was the most unbelievable physical specimen ever.  There wasn’t anything he couldn’t do on the basketball court.  One year he scored fifty points a game.  Another year he led the league in assists.  He was so strong it was frightening.  But there was one thing he couldn’t do.  He couldn’t beat us.  Just couldn’t do it.  Russell wore him out, running up and down the court, and you (Sam Jones ) you drove him crazy.  Remember how we ran that pick-and-roll play, where Russell would feed you the ball and Chamberlain had to switch?  He’d always get there just as you released the shot, and you, you sonofabitch, you’d say in that high-pitched voice of yours, ‘Too late.’ And you made the shot every time.

Red On the Fans: 

A Guy jumps out at me screaming in my face that the Celtics get away with murder, that I stole the game by intimidating the referees.  He won’t get out of my way.  So finally I just popped him in the nose.  Knocked him down and kept walking.

I don’t sit in the (luxury) boxes with all that food and all that stuff in there…I like to hear what the people say, even at my age.  I like to see if there’s any bitching and moaning during the games.

Red on Role Players:

That’s a player who willingly undertakes the thankless job that has to be done in order to make the whole package fly.

Red On All His Disciples Coaching in the NBA:

It gives you the feeling that the Celtics stood for something that the other owners appreciated.  And that’s why a lot of these guys were hired.  It stands for integrity, teamwork, pride. It’s so many things.  It’s a mystique.

Red On The Internet:

I never bought into that whole Internet thing.  I don’t even own a fax machine.

Red On Rick Pitino:

I knew right from the beginning that he was headed for the pile.  I respect him, he’s a helluva coach, he really is…but he didn’t like Rick Fox!  He didn’t like David Wesley.  He didn’t like Danny Fortson.  You know what I mean…we differed on a lot of things.  But that was his opinion as the CEO, so he made the moves.  Hey, he’s where he belongs.  He’s a great college coach.

Pitino, he sold them a bill of goods.  They didn’t consult me on Pitino.  He’s a hell of a coach in college, but I never would’ve OK’d what they gave him.  The money was way out of whack.  We could have gotten him for half of that.

Red on Reggie and Len Bias:

The bad break of it all was that the league never gave us a chance to recover from Reggie Lewis.  Forget about Bias, they never gave us a pick or anything to recover from that, but they could have given us cap money to use for Reggie.  They made us carry his salary on our cap for three years.  Three!  Today, they changed that rule.  They realized how shabbily they treated us.  When you lose two All-Star players and get nothing back…just think about that.  Go to New Jersey and take away Kidd and Van Horn.  Where the hell would they be?  

People don’t realize how good he (Bias) was, unless they saw him play.  One of the early guys that was 6-foot-8 and could really run.  I used to know him before it happened.  Lefty Driesell was a good friend, still is.

He (Bias) was not a drug user.  That’s why he died, he didn’t know how to use them!  We tested him out a week before…So did a lot of other teams.  He passed three physicals from three teams.

Red On the Parquet Floor:

The whole thing was a myth.  People thought not only that there were dead spots, but that we knew where every one was, and we could play accordingly.  Now, did you ever watch a ballplayer go up and down the court at that speed and pick out a dead spot?  If our players worried about that, thinking that’s going to help them win, they’re out of their cotton-picking mind.  But if the other team thought that: Hey, good for us.

Red On John Y. Brown:

I told him he had two weeks to sell the team or I was gone.  I told him there was no way I was going to work for him anymore.  That’s when he sold the team to Harry Mangurian.  This was right after I almost took the job with the Knicks.  I actually had accepted the Knick offer and was going to take the job when I changed my mind.

Peace out homies.  Rest in peace Red.  Six Two and Even!