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Josh Q. Public: Call me Ishmael. -Ernest Hemmingway
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go. SI has the Dolphins winning the AFC East. And, and, and winning the Super Bowl. Are you out of your godammed minds? I understand expectations are high. I understand they’re much improved. I understand Nick Saban’s a wonderful coach. But winning the East and the Super Bowl. That’s just a 
little much. Don’t you think? They have Culpepper. But even before the injury, Culpepper was playing the worst football of his career. The guy’s got the fumbles and makes some terrible choices where he throws the ball. Drew Bledsoe style. And not for nothing, he has a losing record for his career. Say I give you a healthy Culpepper. Then what? Who else? Downtown Ronnie Brown? Brown has never had to carry the full load before. Ever. College or the pros. He was back up to a pothead in the pros, 
and a Cadillac at Auburn. He doesn’t have the speed to break to the outside. I’m not sold on him. Chris Chambers is solid, but Marty Booker and Derek Hagan? C’mon. Their O-line is thin, or should I say fat, and will need to play way over their heads to keep the fragile Culpepper upright. Not to mention, Seth McKinney was just placed on the injured reserve. They cannot stop the run. They have a rookie in Jason Allen starting at one corner, and Giant reject Will Allen at the other. On top of all that, Jason Taylor is in the middle of divorcing Zach Thomas’ sister Katina. That cannot be good for team chemistry. Two brand new coordinators. They sign career underachievers L.J. Shelton and Big Daddy Dan Wilkinson. So forgive me if I don’t believe the hype. Give me the Patriots and the under.
The Public at Large:
1. Schilling reaches 3,000 career strikeouts in loss to A’s. Keep Hope Alive. Er, go Pats!
2. Paris Hilton’s boyfriend’s baby mama will miss the upcoming USC women’s basketball season for personal reasons. A bouncing baby boy.
3. Santonio Holmes’ trial has been postponed. He is charged with a misdemeanor for domestic violence and assault. He allegedly beat the tar out of LaShae Boone, his baby mama.
4. After three years working with Jeff Van Gundy on the sidelines in Houston, Patrick Ewing has resigned as assistant coach of the Rockets. The ugliest ex-coach alive played against my brother in high school.
5. Don Nelson will be named the new coach of the Golden State Warriors this week, Josh Q. Public has learned. Good move for Golden State. That gives them a 10-win improvement automatically. The Warriors have not had a winning season since 
1994.
6. Guard Yotam Halperin is believed to be close to signing a deal with the Seattle SuperSonics, according to a report in The Jerusalem Post, which would make him the NBA’s first Israeli player. There are no Hezbollah players, are there? Hey, what ever happened to Jewish Jordan, Tamir Goodman?
7. Hideki Matsui took batting practice Wednesday for the first time since the he broke his left wrist in May. Great. Go Pats!
8. Got those down home Red Sox blues? Living in the big city? Tonight, we got the cure. A doubleheader. BC on the Deuce at 6pm and The Pats vs. Giants channel 4 at 7:30pm. What a treat. I hate that BC’s in the ACC but what am I gonna do? Follow Rutgers? Brian Toal, remember that name.
9. Whenever I feel bad about my Sox, I always remember it could be worse. I could be a Cubs fan. They got 20 hits last night and still did not win? Go Pats!
10. Your boy, former Hoboken resident, former Bachelor, Jesse Palmer cut by the 49ers. If you’re cut by the 49ers, you must really be bad.
11. The A-Broad woes continue. It’s the little things folks, the little things. 1 for his last 23. Ha ha ha ha. Go Pats!
12. Back to the Dolphins. Who would you rather have? Brady or Culpepper? Seymour, Wilfork and Green, or the aged Fins DL led by Jason Taylor? C’mon SI.
13. We all know by now head case Jeff George is a Raider? The question is, does he play?
14. PTI asked, “Does Larry Johnson get 2,000 yards?” Absolutely not. That’s an awful lot of touches to hit 2k. Only five people have done it, ever: Eric Dickerson, Jamal Lewis, Barry Sanders, Terrell Davis and OJ.
15. Do not sleep on the fact that Rodney Harrison is back anchoring the Patriots secondary. They have that ole swagger back.
16. Side note on Papi’s heart condition. Ever since the Reggie Lewis tragedy, the Celtics perform routine EKG’s on all players and coaches. If you ask me, it’s Manny who needs a heart check.
17. Bryce Florie. Ex- Red Sox. In a game against the Yankees, Florie was hit in the face by a line drive off the bat of Ryan Thompson. Florie’s cheekbone was fractured, as well as his orbital socket and he suffered damage to his retina. On Outside the Lines, he blamed the incident on steroids. He made the point that for the ball to come off the bat that hard and that fast… Makes you think.
18. Buster Olney reports: The Red Sox moved steadily toward the completion of a trade of Boomer Wells, identifying Triple-A catcher George Kottaras as the player they want if they complete a deal with the Padres. Whatever. Go Pats!
19. Tick. Tick. Tick. “The Player” could make his highly anticipated debut for the Cowboys tonight. Boom Goes the Dynamite TO Countdown. 31 days. Tick. Tick. Tick.
20. John Daly withdrew from the BMW International today after being hospitalized with a gastrointestinal virus. Think he got his stomach pumped?
21. Scouts Inc. named Tom Brady the toughest player in the NFL. Take that C-Pep. The other four named? Derrick Brooks, Byron Leftwich (A Public favorite), Hines Ward and Walter Jones. Who the heck is Walter Jones? OL for the Seahawks.
22. Carlos Beltran just tearing it up. 39 bombs. 110 RBIs. 107 runs. 16 steals. Yowza. You think Omar Maniacal knows what he’s doing?
23. Agassi goes against 8th seeded Marcos Baghdatis tonight. Not before he received injections for his ailing back. This from Big Red: “I have a great story for you _165x164.jpg)
about Agassi. I was at the match, in ’89 I think, when Agassi played Connors in Jimmy’s last open when he got through to the quarters. It was the biggest story in New York at the time. Anyway, Andre was up two sets to none and everybody in the stadium realized that the kid was going to beat Jimbo, and this was going to be the last time you would see him play. Connors was still a champion trying hard, working it, but not enough gas left in the tank. Agassi, at the height of his “Image is Everything” phase, said nothing. No yelling. No grunting. Head down and play. (This is what he became later on after the hype, and why I always liked him better than Sampras. This was also on the heels of Lendl dominating, and a good six years since Connors and Mac were great). As the third set was winding down, the crowd started to yell out; we just didn’t want it to end. Connors stopped and hammed it up as only he could. Then, he wound up and 
smashed a huge serve, which would have been an ace against anyone else. Agassi returned it easily for a winner. Connors was visibly shaken; the competitor knew it was over. Right before his next serve, the crowd went silent and a lone voice yelled out, “Don’t worry Jimmy, he’s a punk, you’re a legend.” The crowd went absolutely nuts. Connors stopped for like five minutes with that big huge Jimbo shit eating grin, and hit balls into the crowd. Even Andre stopped and applauded with his racket. Great, great, unique sports experience. You had to be there moment. Now Agassi is going out as the prince. Pretty cool.” Cool indeed.
24. Mr. Wang, no offense, quietly became the Yankees’ ace. How did that happen? Go Pats!
25. AI in trouble again. He’s being sued for $2.4m. Supposedly, he hired a “security” team, called the “Horsemen,” that attacked four people in da club in Hampton, VA. Da Club? Crabbers Restaurant and Sports Club. Horsemen? Crabbers? There are some jokes in there, I assure you. I’m just too lazy to think of them.
26. Now Deadspin’s stealing from me too. Today’s headline: Yeah Your Mother, Seriously Your Mother. Now, didn’t I use that exact same tag line when referring to AI’s mother buying an ABA team? Yes, I did. Just quit it already.
Public Figures: Brought to you by the good folks at Elias Sports Bureau and ESPN the Worldwide Leader.
1. The Red Sox scored 19 runs on the nine-game road trip that ended in Oakland on Wednesday. That equaled the fewest runs that the Sox have ever scored on a road trip of nine or more games. They previously scored 19 runs on nine-game road trips in 1974
and 1967. Go Pats!
2. The Thrill recorded the 3,000th strikeout of his career yesterday. Schilling was the fourth pitcher to reach that mark in the last 20 seasons, following The Rocket (1998), Big Eunuch (2000), and Greg Maddux (2005). But during a 13-year period from 1974 to 1986, an era when many veteran pitchers had spent much of their careers starting every fourth day, nine pitchers reached the 3,000-strikeout mark: Bob Gibson, Gaylord Perry, Nolan Ryan, Tom Seaver, Steve Carlton, Ferguson Jenkins, Don Sutton, Phil Niekro, and Bert Blyleven.
3. Here you go Jaime: Nick Markakis homered in the O’s 7-4 win over the Rangers. It was Markakis’ ninth ding during August, the highest monthly total by a rookie this season and a franchise record for rookies in any month. The previous record of eight was set by Otis Brannan of the St. Louis Browns in 1928 and tied three times prior to Markakis. All in 1960. Jim Gentile hit eight bombs in June 1960 and again in August, when his rookie teammate Ron Hansen also hit eight homers.
4. Adam LaRoche had three doubles and a triple in four at-bats in the Braves’ 5-3 win over the Giants. LaRoche is the first Braves player to go 4-for-4 or better with all hits for extra bases since the team moved to Atlanta in 1966. Two other players have done so for other teams this season: Damian Miller (April 22) and Matt Murton (August 3).
5. Jermaine Dye continued to add to his MVP credentials, going 2-for-2 in late-inning pressure situations and scoring the winning run in the eighth inning of the White Sox’s 5-4 victory over the Devil Rays. Very Papi-like. With nine hits in his last 19 at-bats, Dye has raised his LIPS batting average to .367. Prior to 2006, his career batting average in late-inning pressure situations was .203. Have some heart. Give it to Papi.
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!
But, alas, here we are. Have I not done my part? Was I not unwavering in the face adversity? Have I not fought the good fight? Was I not the Sox rock, their salvation, their defense? Was I not unmoved? What do I get for it? This? Have I not been vocal when they needed it most? This is what they do? This is how they handle adversity? It’s an embarrassment. A spit in the face, George Hearst style. If only they only believed in themselves as much as I believed in them. They didn’t. Or they didn’t care enough. They never played like winners. They never had that killer instinct. They never smelled the blood. They went on their run against the National League and also-rans. Semi-Pro ball. Boston DC gave me this: Sox vs. National League, 16-2. Sox vs. O’s, 11-1. Sox vs. the rest of the AL, 44-57. Gross. They had the Yankees 
against ropes and refused to capitalize. Refused to take what was rightly theirs. Turned it down even. Down goes Matsui! Down goes Sheffield! The Sox barely tread water. I did all I could. Did Theo? While the Yankees made moves, Theo kept his thumb up his bum. There is absolutely no depth on the Sox. None. When Matsui and Sheffield went down, Melky and Co. were there. When that wasn’t enough, in comes Bobby “El Comedulce” Abreu. Who do the Sox get? Javy Lopez. Javy f’n Lopez! They should be ashamed of themselves. I stuck up for Manny. Put him up on an altar and gushed. 
What did he do? Complained a hit was called an error. Wade Boggs style. Barely played again. Bum knee. All-Star Game style. When the Sox needed him most, he bailed. Again from Boston DC: “Who says players don’t notice stats? Since Manny Ramirez reached the 100 RBI mark, on August 20th to make it 9 straight seasons to go with his 30 HRs, he’s pretty much packed it in, appearing in only 4 games, going 0 for 6 in those four games.” I didn’t pack it in. I said things like “Keep Hope Alive!” “I believe!” “The Red Sox are better than the New York Yankees.” I reprimanded guys like Bob Ryan and Bill Simmons for their lack of faith. Sure Schilling and Papi played their hearts out. Papi quite literally. But Manny failed me. When one head of the two headed monster doesn’t care, it defeats the purpose. There’s plenty of blame pie to go around, I assure you. As much Theo as Manny. Theo overestimated his pitching staff. Traded Bronson Arroyo. Let D-Lowe go a year earlier. Refused to get a closer when the whole world new Foulke was done. Forced Papelbon into the role. Got lucky but took a quality starter out of the rotation in the process. Down goes Wakefield! Down goes Clement! How you like me now? Not a middle reliever in sight. Julian Tavares? That’s your answer. I didn’t let on. I toed the line. I walked the walk. Damon for Coconut 
Crisp. I hated the way the Caveman went out, but he’s 10 times the ball player Crisp is. 10 times the lead-off hitter Crisp is. I kept up the routine. I never relented. Never gave those pricks in NYC anything. But this is what the Sox lowered me to. I now have to retract what I said. I now have to say I was wrong. Yet I did nothing wrong. I stood up for a team I believed in. A team that did not believe in themselves. A team that lost 17 games in August. 5 of them to the Yankees. A team that looks like it will never win again. A team that’s power is now expected from Eric Hinske. A team that trots Kyle Snyder and Kason Gabbard out to the mound with a straight face. A team that gets two hit by Cha Seung Baek. A team that in the last 38 games, has a starter gone seven or more innings only eight times. A team with 32 games to play. A team that trails the Yankees by 6 1/2 games, and is 5 1/2 behind the Twins (and five behind the White Sox) in the quest for the wild card. I, like Tito, want “to keep believing when it’s not very easy to believe.” I cannot. They have led to me this. I hope they’re happy now. Go Pats.
thought you’d be interested in what happened before the game. When (referee) Jeff Tripplette went to talk to Belichick before the game as part of the pre-game, Bill refused to shake his hand and said, “I had enough of you guys last year.” He was referring to the playoff game vs. Denver when Tripplette’s crew had the infamous phantom DPI call. Bill the Brain wouldn’t talk to any of them.” Tripplette should have reminded Belichick that they’ve got the Pats 2 times during the regular season this year! 
Aaron built. His first multi-homer game since 2004. Pulls him within 28 of the record. I sincerely hope he never gets there. Does anybody?
2. Scott Olsen earned his 11th victory of the season in the Marlins‘ win, the 43rd win by a Marlins rookie this season, surpassing the total of the 1984 Mets. Dwight Gooden (17-9), Ron Darling (12-9) and Sid Fernandez (6-6) were all rookies on that team. The last NL team with a higher total than Florida’s was the 1952 Brooklyn Dodgers (51).
5. Carlos Delgado hit his 25th double of the season on Tuesday to clinch his 11th consecutive season with at least 25 homers and 25 doubles. That’s the third-longest such streak in major-league history. Manny Ramirez extended his streak to 12 straight seasons last week, tying the record set by Lou Gehrig from 1927-38. Well, at least that’s one more Yankee off the books. Go Pats!
tennis memory is Booby Riggs vs. Billie Jean King. Not the actual match, but an Odd Couple episode. There’s Bjon Borg. McEnroe & Connors. They go together. Ilie Nastase giving the finger. Pete Sampras. The Williams sisters. But the guy I like best is Andre Agassi. Maybe it’s because he married Brooke Shields. Maybe it’s because he won eight Grand Slam singles titles. Eight Ted Sarandis, eight. Maybe it’s because he’s only one of five players to have won all four Grand Slam singles events. Maybe it’s because he is the only player in the open era to have won every Grand Slam singles title, the Masters, the Davis Cup, and the Olympic Gold medal. Maybe it’s because he married Steffi Graf too. Maybe it’s because he’s from Vegas. Maybe it was his cheeseburger diet. Maybe it was his rivalry with clean cut Pete Sampras. Maybe it was his refusal to play at Wimbledon. Maybe it was his comeback from wrist surgery to become the first man to capture the US Open as an unseeded player in 1993. Maybe its the way he changed his image. After all, Image is Everything. The way he shaved his head bald and played the smaller circuits. The way he went from 141st to 1st in the world. In one 
5. Koren Robinson cut by the Vikings. Robinson was just charged with one felony count of fleeing in a motor vehicle, two counts of DWI and three other misdemeanors. The Vikings, known for their high morals, could not stand for such behavior. At least not on solid ground.
Shawne Merriman follows a boxing workout given to him by his uncle. Boxer, Henry “Sugar Poo” Buchanan. Sugar Poo? For real? Sugar Poo? I looked him up. Found this: ” Sugar Poo advanced like the Red Coats on Lexington and pelted his opponent with screaming combinations along the ropes.” Sugar Poo? Really? Light heavyweight. 13-0. 11 knockouts. DC product. We’re watching you, Sugar Poo.
10. Tiger wins fourth in a row. Tiger wins 52nd total. He won it after roofing a ball. Is there any doubt he is the best golfer ever? No one now is even close. Once he passes Jack, and he will, all this nonsense can be put to rest.
18. USA Basketball buries Australia. Wednesday night, Nowitski and Germany. Bring it bitch.