The good folks over at the esteemed Fan Graphs may not dig Adrian Gonzalez, but Rocky does:

Peace out homies. Six two and even!

I’m a substitute for another guy.  I look pretty tall but my heels are high.  The simple things you see are all complicated.  I look pretty young, but I’m just back-dated, yeah.  -The Who

Back in 2008, Greg Dobbs was a member of the World F’n Champion Phiadelphia Phillies.  Back in 2008, Greg Dobbs proved his pinch-hitting prowess by completing back-to-back seasons leading the majors in pinch-hits.  Not just any pitch-hits mind you.  Big pinch-hits.  Clutch pinch-hits.  Big, clutch pinch-hits that were a vital part to the Phillies late-inning offense.  But next thing you know, old Jed’s a millionaire Dobbs went from setting a Phillies franchise pinch-hit record to going flat at the plate.  Next thing you know, old Jed’s a millionaire Dobbs went from being a fickle Phillie fan favorite to a forgotten figure.  Next thing you know, old Jed’s a millionaire Dobbs was sent down to the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs.  From champ to pig.  Just like that.  When I move, you move.  Just like that.  Hey DJ, play that back.     Read More »

Nobody nobody cares.  Nobody cares baby.  You know I’ve had my share.  It just ain’t fair.  It just ain’t fair.  -Aretha Franklin.

I don’t like this one.  I don’t like this one one bit.  You have to understand.  I hate this summamabitch.  I hate him more than all the other summamabitches.  Isiah too.  But that’s it.  Those two.  And that’s it.  Just this ashtray.  And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need.  And this remote control.  The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need.  And these matches.  The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball.  And this lamp.  That’s all I need.  I did not need this.  I did not need to hear that the judge in the Roger Clemens federal perjury trial abruptly declared a mistrial.  I feel like Arthur Kirkland.  I feel like screaming:  “You’re out of order!  You’re out of order!  The whole trial is out of order!  They’re out of order!  That man, that sick, crazy, depraved man, raped and beat that woman there, and he’d like to do it again!  He told me so!  It’s just a show!  It’s a show!  It’s “Let’s Make A Deal”!  “Let’s Make A Deal”!  Hey Frank, you wanna “Make A Deal”?  I got an insane judge who likes to beat the shit out of women!  Whaddya wanna gimme Frank, 3 weeks probation?           Read More »

Because it’s murder by numbers, one, two, three.  It’s as easy to learn as your ABC’s.  Murder by numbers, one, two, three.  Easy to learn as your A-B-C.  -The Police

What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans?  I’ll tell you what’s crack-a-lacking.  Baseball’s crack-a-lacking.  Ahhhh baseball.  Like my main man Terrence Mann always says, “America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers.  It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again.  But baseball has marked the time.”  It certainly has.  As kids we marked the time by keeping score at the ball park.  Nowadays, that type of thing is done for us.  It’s all ballbearings now.  Statistician Seymour Siwoff of the Elias Sports Bureau once said,   “Anybody with a pencil could be a statistician back then (19th Century).”  Now?  Not so much.  Now, statistics are the lifeblood of the game.  No other sport studies, dissects and analyzes their numbers as vigilantly as baseball.  So who am I to go against the grain?  Nobody!  That’s who.  So let’s take a peak at some interesting 1st half numbers, shall we?  Sure we shall!          Read More »

It’s now or never, come hold me tight.  Kiss me my darling, be mine tonight.  Tomorrow will be too late, it’s now or never.  My love won’t wait.  -Elvis

Daisuke Matsuzaka is out for the season after having Tommy John surgery.   Clay Buchholz is on the DL with a back strain.  Jon Lester is on the disabled list after leaving a start last week with a strained left lat muscle.  Josh Beckett could not start the second inning of  the All-Star Game due to soreness in his left knee while warming up.  Like my main man Tommy Tutone always asks, “Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to?“  Andrew Miller?  4-0 with a 3.57 earned run average in his four starts for the Red Sox since coming up from Class AAA Pawtucket.  Tim Wakefield?  In his last start he once again rode in on his white horse and rescued the Red Sox with seven quality innings.  Both very nice stories.  However, neither are the stories Red Sox fans want to hear.  The story Red Sox want to hear is the story where John Lackey gets his stuff together and helps carry this year’s edition of the Olde Towne Team to the promised land.      Read More »

Down…The paint is peelin’…Now…When the chips are down…Down…You gotta lose all feelin’…Now…When the chips are down. – Terror Squad

According to the good folks over at the esteemed Baseball Prospectus, “There is virtually no evidence that any player or group of players possesses an ability to outperform his established level of ability in clutch situations, however defined.”  Well sports fans, I’m here to tell you, like Flo from Alice would tell you, the good folks over at the esteemed Baseball Prospectus can kiss my grits.  They can kiss my grits because clearly, the good folks over at the esteemed Baseball Prospectus, have never seen Brian Wilson pitch.               Read More »