Anybody know what the Olsen twins are doing these days? Of course you don’t, nobody does. The fact that they have disappeared off the face of the earth is a grim reminder to us all that even the brightest young stars fade away and die at some point. They had a great run, they lit up televisions in American living rooms for years with their antics as little Michelle. But things that great don’t last forever and eventually the girls grew older; their egos got the best of them. They grew too big for Bob Saget’s house and they made the biggest mistake of their lives, they thought they were too good to play the role that they were born to play. Read More »

By the time I was ten, playing baseball got to be like eating vegetables or taking out the garbage.  So when I was 14, I started to refuse.  Could you believe that?  An American boy refusing to play catch with his father?  -Field of Dreams

Like my main man, the late great Harmon Killebrew always says, “My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard.  Mother would come out and say, You’re tearing up the grass.  We’re not raising grass, Dad would reply.  We’re raising boys.”  Last night, Will Venable hit his first career leadoff home run.  Hooray Will Venable!  His father, Max, hit two leadoff home runs in his major-league career (1990 and 1991). Hooray Max Venable! Just so you know, the only other father/son combination featuring an active player in which each player hit a leadoff homer is the Brantleys. Mickey hit one for the Mariners in 1987; Michael had one last season.  Now, with this being so close to Father’s Day and all, I thought I’d give a shout-out to some of the Baseball father’s in the house: Read More »

Hey young world, the world is yours.  Hey young world, the world is yours.  Young world, young world, the world is yours.  -Slick Rick

Hey, what’s crack-a-lacking sports fans?  I’ll tell you what’s crack-a-lacking.  The Braves young pitching staff is crack-a-lacking.    You know what the man says.  The man says pitching wins championships.  The man says you’re only as good as your next starter.  Sparky Anderson says, “If I ever find a pitcher who has heat, a good curve, and a slider, I might seriously consider marrying him, or at least proposing.”  Well, if Sparky’s been watching these Braves lately, he better get out there and buy that ring.  Heck, he should go all Big Love and buy three or four of them.         Read More »

Sheesh. These kids and their baggy pants. When will it ever end? It ended for University of New Mexico football player Deshon Marman. Albuquerque’s KRQE reports that Marman was boarding a U.S. Airways flight Wednesday at San Francisco International Airport when an airline employee asked him to pull up his pants, “because she said, they were ‘below his butt and his boxer shorts were showing.’” Next thing you know, he was asked to leave the plane. Next thing you know, he was arrested and cited for trespassing. A US Airways spokesperson said the airline’s dress code forbids “indecent exposure or inappropriate” attire. Who was that spokesperson? David Stern?

Peace out homies. Six two and even!

Wooo doggie!  How ’bout them Red Sox!  Since their abysmal 2-10 start, Boston has put together an astounding, confounding, resounding, turning it all arounding 39-17 record.  Hooray Red Sox!  You could credit Adrian Gonzalez’ bat.  You could credit the Olde Towne Team’s prowess against left handed pitching.  You could credit the resurgence of Josh Boom Boom Beckett and his new-found cutter.  You could credit a lot of things.  The esteemed scientist Francis Darwin once said, “In science, the credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not to whom the idea first occurs.”  In baseball today, it is David Ortiz who is doing all the convincing.  Maybe Verbal’s right.  Maybe the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.  Just shows to go ya.  David Ortiz ain’t no devil, he’s a god.      Read More »

Ok folks, I’m spending the day with my family this week-end so I won’t be around here to entertain y’all. You’re on your own. So Sydney, sit down. Relax. Have a sandwich. Drink a glass of milk. Do some fucking thing. I know, why don’t you just enjoy some of these here clips of some of our favorite TV fathers. Yaaaaa, that’s the ticket! Read More »

“With a true champion face to face with his darkest hour, he will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, and fights, and then fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies. And my ass ain’t no pussy. My ass is a f*cking champion.” – Kenny Powers

With the dust having settled on yet another NBA season and Dan Gilbert and the Cleveland Cavaliers Mark Cuban and the Mavericks returning to Dallas with the Larry O’Brien trophy for the first time in franchise history, it felt appropriate to join in on the collective nationwide beating of the dead horse that is Lebron James and the Miami Heat. And yes, for the record, this year was as close as the Cavs will ever get to a championship of their own in any of our lifetimes. In fact, I suggest that Cleveland throws whatever the opposite of a ticker-tape parade is to dishonor Lebron, because unless the NCAA ignores the used car lot over at Ohio State, it is going to be a while before anyone is celebrating another champion in the Plum City or the rest of the state for that matter.           Read More »

Jet, I can almost remember their funny faces.  That time you told them that you were going to be marrying soon.  And Jet, I thought the only lonely face was on the moon!  -Paul McCartney & Wings

I love me some Jason Terry!  There were doubters.  Doubters day in and day outers.  There were words bandied abouters.  Like my main man Jimmy Conway always says, “No, no, no, no, no. You insulted him a little bit. You got a little bit out of order yourself.” But Jason Terry had the last word.  Mark Cuban: “The media was killing him:  ‘He can’t perform in the playoffs.  He’s not clutch in the playoffs. He’s too this, he’s too that.’  He shoved it up everybody’s ass.”  Yes he did Mark, yes he did.  He shoved it up everybody’s ass by scoring a game-high 27 points in Game 6 after netting 21 points in Game 5.  You know what that makes boys and girls?  That makes history.  Jason Terry just became the first player to score more than 20 points off the bench in each of two consecutive games during an NBA Finals series since Jim King of the San Francisco Warriors did it against the 76ers in Games 3 (28 points) and 4 (23 points) of the 1967 Finals.  Manu Ginobili never done did that.  Kevin McHale never done did that.  Bobby Jones and Freddy Downtown Brown never done did that.  The Jet done did.

Peace out Heat.  Six two and even!

Love will turn you around , turn you around.  -Kenny Rogers

In case you haven’t figured it out by now, we here at JQP Productions *heart* Milan Lucic.  We *heart* him the way we *hearted* Cam Neely and Terry O’Reilly.  Tough guys.  Heart and soul guys.  Hustle guys.  Crashers.  Bangers.  Guys who played with reckless abandon as if every shift were game seven of the Stanley Cup finals.   Guys that got out there on the ice and let ‘em know they’re there.  Guys that got that fuckin’ stick in their side and let ‘em know they’re there!  Guys that got that lumber in their teeth and let ‘em know they’re there!  That’s what Milan Lucic does day after day, night after night.  That’s what the Bruins need from him this very night.         Read More »

I don’t care, when they stare, at the way that I’m always with you.  We’re a pair, it’s not fair when they say we’re a special brew!  Woh woh woh woh.  I love you. -Bad Manners

Public Service Announcement: OK, here go!  Like my main man Liberace always says, “Roll out the barrel.   We’ll have a barrel of fun.  Roll out the barrel.  We’ve got the blues on the run.”  The Milwaukee Brewers sure have the blues on the run.  The Cardinals too.  Heck, the whole National League.  Yes folks, the Beermakers.  Los Cerveceros.  The Brew Crew.  Harvey’s Wallbangers.  Ex-Milwaukee Brewers Manager Dave Bristol once said: “There’ll be two buses leaving the hotel for the park tomorrow.  The two o’clock bus will be for those of you who need a little extra work. The empty bus will leave at five o’clock.”   These days, that five o’clock bus should have a few more passengers.  A few more giving it the gassengers.  A few more first classengers.        Read More »