NFL Divisional Playoff Predictions

Round two, I’m down to, do, what it takes to make you understand I’m the Candyman and I melt in your mouth, not in your hands.  -Candyman

Ok, here we go!  The NFL Playoffs.  The NFL hip-hip-hoorayoffs.  The judgement dayoffs.  Win or go home!  Who lives to play another week?  Who goes home?  Like Southside Johnny always says, “Oh, I know that it’s getting late, but I don’t want to go home.  I’m in no hurry, baby, time can wait. ‘Cause I don’t want to go home.”  Lets have a look-see at who’s who, shall we?  Sure we shall!            

Ravens v. Steelers

If you read this space with any regularity, you know by now, I believe the NFL is a quarterbacks’ league.  You know I believe what Don Shula believes:  “Sure, luck means a lot in football.  Not having a good quarterback is bad luck.”  You know I think by the time the season ultimately ends, there’s a pretty good chance a future Hall of Fame quarterback will be hoisting the trophy.   So here we are.  That time of year.  The air is a little bit crisper.  The air is a little bit cooler.  The air is crisper and cooler and the Pittsburgh Steelers are making yet another run at the NFL Championship.  Jim Harbaugh and Roger Staubach earned the nickname “Captain Comeback” for their ability to win games in the fourth quarter after overcoming significant point deficits.  Then there was John Elway.  Then there was The Duke of Denver.  The Driver.  The staying aliver.  Ha ha ha ha staying alive.  Staying alive in the mud in Cleveland.  Staying alive with the most game-winning or game-tying scoring drives in the fourth quarter.  The real Captain Comeback.  Now we have Big Ben Roethlisberger.  While I do not like his off the field antics, I do not like them in a house.  I do not like them with a mouse.  No, I do not, but I do like what he does on the field.  He wins ball games on the field.  Big ball games.  Dirty big ball games.  The the biggest ball games of them all.  Throw in Troy Polamalu and these Steelers just cannot lose.  This is what the Steelers do to the Ravens on Saturday:

Packers v. Falcons

As much as I love quarterbacks, I also am a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for defense.  Knock ‘em down!  Roll ‘em around!  Come on defense, work!  The Atlanta Falcons work on defense.  The Atlanta Falcons especially work in the defensive backfield.  They have intercepted at least one pass in 13 games this season and recorded multiple interceptions eight times.  You heard Ted Sarandis?  Eight!  (Sorry, just a little Boston sports radio humor there.)  Not only does the Atlanta secondary make big plays, they make big hits.  Hits that give you fits.  Hits with true grits.  Fill your hands you sonnaofabitch!  William Moore makes big hits.  Bone crushing hits.  Teeth-rattling hits.  Chocolate Thunder flyin’, Robinzine cryin’, teeth shakin’, glass-breakin’, rump roastin’, bun toastin, wham, bam, jaw-breaker I am hits.  What?  That’s Darryl Dawkins?  Oh.  Sorry.  But still.  But still,  William Moore has five interceptions this season, 72 combined tackles and a fumble.  But it’s the hits that make Moore the man he is.  It’s the hits that are going to allow the Falcons to do this to the Packers on Saturday:

Seahawks v. Bears

I really want to pick the Seahawks here.  I really really want to pick the Seahawks here.  I know the Seahawks are not a strong football team.  I know they are an ugly team that uglied their way into these here playoffs.  I also know they got clientele, because they block well.  I know they tackle hard.  They block well, they tackle hard and they get the most from their limited talent.  Oh ya, I know too that they beat the Bears in Chicago during the regular season.  So why not again?  Why not now?  Why not this:

Jets v. Patriots

Ahhh, the moment we’ve all been waiting for.  The moment we’ve all been tailgating for.  The moment we’ve all been celebrating for.  There’s a party goin’ on right here.  A celebration to last throughout the years.  So bring your good times, and your laughter too.  We gonna celebrate your party with you.  The Patriots are gonna celebrate a party with you.  The Patriots are gonna celebrate all over the New York Jets.   Celebrate real good like. The Patriots are gonna score and score and score some more.  Darelle Revis you say?  Revis Schmevis I say.  Brady showed in Week 13 that he would concede the Revis matchup on every play and simply pick apart the other 10 players on the field.  He will do that again.  And again.  And again.  He will pick apart Antonio Cromartie.  He will pick apart Dwight Lowery.  He will pick apart  Drew Coleman, Marquice Cole and this new starting safety tandem of Brodney Pool and Eric Smith.  Tom Brady will simply spread the Jets out with three or four receivers, see whom Revis takes, then expose whomever else New York has in pass coverage.  Expose them for the frauds they are. It won’t be pretty.  In fact, it’ll look a little something like this:

Peace out homies. Six two and even!

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