Straight up now tell me do you really want to love me forever. Oh oh oh. Or am I caught in a hit and run? Straight up now tell me is it gonna be you and me together. Oh oh oh. Or are you just having fun? -Paula Abdul
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Yesterday, the Braves announced what came as a surprise to almost no one. Yesterday, the Braves announced that Jason Heyward will be their starting right fielder when the season begins. Hooray Jason Heyward. Maybe you’re like Billy Batts. Maybe you haven’t heard. You been away a long time. They didn’t go up there and tell you. In that case, I’ll let a National League scout tell you. One National League scout said ”He’s not only been the best Brave this spring, he’s been the best player this spring.” Yowza! That’s high praise. High praise indeed.
But haven’t we heard this all before?
As it became obvious Alex Gordon would be the Royals’ opening-day third baseman in his rookie year, the George Brett comparisons were everywhere. Gordon has the same shaggy blond hair as Brett. He plays the same position as Brett. It appeared he had the same sweet left-handed swing as Brett. Thing is, he still hasn’t hit like Brett.
In 2003, Corey Patterson was one of the most coveted players in baseball. One of the most loveted players in baseball. One of the most thought ofeted players in baseball. He was the Cubs’ third overall pick in the 1998 draft. He was named Baseball America’s top prospect. Some scouts went as far as to compare him to a young Kirby Puckett. His rookie season he seemed to becoming the All-Star the Cubs were looking for. Now, at 30 years-old with the Mariners, he’s bounced from the Cincinnati Reds to the Milwaukee Brewers and Washington Nationals the past two seasons and hit just .197 in 395 at-bats in that span.
But I’m no naysayer. No not todaysayer. I’m a hip hip hooraysayer. Hooray Jason Heyward! Chicks dig the long ball. So do I. Outfielder Jason Heyward has power. Light tower power. The man of the hour. Tower of power. I’ll devour. I’m gonna tie you up and let you understand that I’m not your average man when I got a baseball bat in my hand. Daaaaamn! Jayson Heyward is not your average man.
No, he is not. He has the strength of ten ordianry men. Hercules! Hercules! Hercules! The kid is already 6-4 and built like a summamabitch. The kid already controls the strike zone. The kid already lays off bad pitches. He works into hitters’ counts. Think thirty bombs. Think 90+ RBIs. Think Rookie of the Year. Think beyond. Think Jason Heyward.
Peace out homies. Six two and Even!