Worst Drive Of Tiger’s Career

Baby you can drive my car.  Yes I’m gonna be a star.  Baby you can drive my car.  Beep beep’m beep beep yeah.  -The Beatles

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Tiger Woods.  Tiger Woods strolling down the fairway in Nike red.  Strolling down the fairway in Nike red, greater than the Great One, Wayne Gretzky, blessed be he.  Greater than Michael Jordan, the Chosen One.  Greater than Muhammad Ali, the Greatest.  Greater than Babe Ruth himself.  Tiger Woods strolling down the fairway and obliterating everything in his wake.  Now, I hate to get all Deadspinny on all y’all, but when one of the greatest athletes of our time is driving down his driveway obliterating evrything in his wake, I gotta write about it.         

By now, you’ve all heard Tiger Woods was injured in a car accident in Florida.  By now, you’ve all heard that Tiger Woods was driving out of his driveway at 2:25 Friday morning when his 2009 Cadillac Escalade hit a fire hydrant and tree.  By now, you’ve all heard that Tiger Woods was treated for face lacerations and was released from the hospital.  But did you hear that Tiger Woods’ early morning accident came right after an argument with his wife, Elin Nordegren?  I did.

I heard that the beautiful Elin told cops about the argument at the scene of the accident. I heard Tiger gave the same story to authorities at the hospital where he was treated.  I heard the argument got heated and, according to TMZ, the beautiful Elin scratched his face up, not the accident itself. 

Off the record, on the QT, and very hush-hush.  I also heard that Tiger is alledgedly cheating on the beautiful Elin, his wife of six years and mother of his two children, with Rachel Uchitel.  Well, not so hush hush.  It’s already been in the National Enquirer.  Yes folks, that’s the same Rachel Uchitel that Bones star David Boreanaz allegedly had an affair with when his wife was pregnant earlier this year.  Apparently, the National Enquirer, in this week’s issue, has pictures of Uchitel, 34, arriving at Tiger’s hotel in Melbourne, and claims the affair has had tour stops in New York, and Las Vegas as well. 

Nobody like a homewrecker.  Not Elin.  That’s for sure.  From what I hear, she told officers she was in the house when she heard the accident and “came out and broke the back window with a golf club.” Yipes! Like my man Flavor Flav always says, “Runnin’ for your life by the knife. Runnin’ from your wife … yipes!  I can’t do nothing for ya, man.”  Coincidence?  We think not.

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies. Six two and Even!

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