Never yellow, never chicken, listen for my spurs draggin’.  And when I’m kickin’ dust you better circle up the wagons.  So when I rip thru your town don’t be gawkin’.  Just tip your hat and Tex, keep walkin’.  -Kid Rock

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Overture, curtains, lights.  This is it, the night of nights.  Overture, curtains, lights.  This is it, you’ll hit the heights.  And oh what heights we’ll hit.  On with the show this is it.  No time to speak softly and carry a big stick today.  Gotta yell loudly and throw a cement brick today.  Got my Patriots hoodie on again.  Circling the wagons again.  Waving my red white and blue flaggons again.  Slaying some dragons again.          Read More »

This past week and the next few weeks are some of the most exciting weeks for college sports fans. Whether you are a casual observer who has the TV on in the background because someone else is watching it; or you are a hardcore obsessive fan who doesn’t want to miss a second of the action (this guy); or something in between, this time of year is for you. I hope you watched the excitement unfold while recovering from your turkey overdose this past week and now have your DVR’s and TIVO’s ready, because the next few months will be a wild ride and you don’t want to miss anything. Read More »

Brett Favre for real comfortable, really tiny, jean shorts:

Peace out homies. Six two and even!

Warn the town, the beast is loose.  Ah-ah-ah ah.  Word ‘em up y’all.  C’mon!  -Fugees

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  I know I just wrote about this guy yesterday.  I know, and I don’t care.  As long as Dwight Howard keeps doing stuff worth writing about, I’m gonna write about it.  He did stuff worth writing about yesterday, boyeeeeeee!  He scored 24 points and grabbed 16 rebounds in the Magic’s 114-102 win at Madison Square Garden yesterday, boyeeeeee!  Just so you know, that was Howard’s 105th 15/15 game of his career.  Just so you know, that is by far the most in the NBA since Howard’s debut in 2004.  Just so you know, only two players have even half as many 15/15 games as Howard during that time.  Only Kevin Garnett (76) and only Tim Duncan (57).  Just so you know, Dwight Howard is good.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

It’s just another manic Monday.  I wish it was Sunday.  ‘Cause that’s my funday.  My I don’t have to runday.  It’s just another manic Monday.  -The Bangles

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Like my main Frank Gifford always says,”Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors.”  Well, did you survive?  Huh?  Did ya?  Good.  Now let’s see who else survived.  Let’s see who else stayed alive. Ah ah ah ah stayin’ alive.  Shall we?  Sure we shall.               Read More »

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.  Oh, no, no you can’t disguise.  Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.  -Fleetwood Mac

Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go!  The rug is coming out from under dear old Tiger Woods.  I gave at the office.  The check’s in the mail.  It’s not you, it’s me.  I didn’t inhale.  Of course your butt doesn’t look fat.  Like my main man Winston Churchill always says, “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”  If that’s the case, Tiger’s got his pants on round about his ankles right about now.  Tiger says, “This situation is my fault.”  Ok so far.  Tiger says, “It’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me.” Yes yes yes.  Tiger says, “I’m human and I’m not perfect.”  Very good.  Tiger says, “My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.”  Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!  Danger!  And there it is.  Now listen, I’m no Dr. Cal Lightman, and I may not know nothing about nothing, but if I know anything about anything, I know that’s the one that’s gonna get him trouble.  Just like these ones got these guys into trouble.  Join me, will you?  The Liars On Parade.  Good.  And awaaaaaay we go! Read More »

I’m that star up in the sky.  I’m that mountain peak up high.  Hey I made it, mmmmmm, I’m the world’s greatest.  -R Kelly

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Now listen, I like Sid the Kid as much as the next guy.  He’s a playmaker.  An all day maker.  An artist like a Claude Monet maker.  But Senator, I served with Wayne Gretzky.  I knew Wayne Gretzky.  Wayne Gretzky was a friend of mine.  Senator, you’re no Wayne Gretzky.  Heck, you’re no Mario Lemieux.  Need proof?  Last night, the Next One had three goals and two assists in the Penguins’ 8-3 win over the Rangers.  Hooray Next One!  But know this Penguinophiles, it was just the second time in Crosby’s illustrious 317-game NHL career that he scored at least five points in one game.  At the same juncture of their careers, Wayne Gretzky had scored five points or more in a game 31 times.  31 times!  Yikes!  Mario Lemieux had done it 18 times.  There’s a reason the Great One, Wayne Gretzky, Blessed Be He, is in the record book 61 times.  Senator, how many times are you in the record book?

Public Spectacle:

[pro-player width='455' height='255' type='video']http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owk4S0GGDbU[/pro-player]

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

I am, I am, I am Superman and I know what’s happening.  I am, I am, I am Superman and I can do anything.  -REM

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Faster than a speeding bullet!  More powerful than a locomotive!  Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!  Look!  Up in the sky!  It’s a bird!   It’s a plane!   It’s Superman!  Look!  Up In The Sky!  It’s a bird!   It’s a plane!  It’s Dwight Howard!  Yes, it’s Dwight Howard.  Strange visitor from another planet who came to earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men!
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After watching Stanford RB Toby Gerhart rush 38 times for 223 yards against Oregon in the beginning of November, I began to take notice of this back’s serious skills. Then, the following week, his Stanford team put a serious hurt on USC thanks to his 29 rushes for 178 yards. Now, after watching Gerhart rush for 205 yards on 29 carries and THROWING a TD pass in the 4th quarter, on 4th down and 4 tonight against Notre Dame, I am officially campaigning for Gerhart to take the Heisman trophy for the 2009 season.

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So the NFL in its infinite wisdom decided to have THREE FUCKING GAMES on Thursday. What a pain in my ass. So therefore I’ll only be picking three instead of the usual four for start/sit.

I hope everyone enjoyed pigging out on turkey and stuffing and whatnot. I just rocked a plate of leftovers before I wrote this column and Turkey Sandwiches are the most glorious invention ever. I dare you to find someone that disagrees with me. Let’s get to it:

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