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NFL: The Day After

By: josh q. public on: Monday, October 26, 2009 @10:56 am

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Whatever.  Party’s over, tell the rest of the crew.  Yo P, it’s on you, what you wanna do?  -Mobb Deep

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Another Sunday in the books.  Like my main Mike Ditka always says, “You can’t win a derby with a donkey… You have a lot of people evaluating talent in the National Football League who don’t know how to evaluate talent.”  I’m one of those people.  Hee haw!  Hee haw!  I’m like Francis the talking mule.  The name’s Francis Soyer, but everybody calls me Psycho.  Any of you guys call me Francis, and I’ll kill you.  Also, I don’t like nobody touching me.  Now, any of you Romos touch me, and I’ll kill you.  Ok, ok, enough hijinks.  Let’s see what happened yesterday, shall we?  Yes we shall:       

Favre vs. Roethlisberger.  Roethlisberger vs. Favre.  That’s all we heard.  That wasn’t the story of this game.  What’s the story, Morninglory?  Defense and special teams were the story Morninglory of this game.  Defense and special teams were the story Morninglory of the fourth quarter of this game.  This game was the first game in NFL history with three touchdowns of 60 yards or longer in the final period and not one of them was a TD pass by either Roethlisberger or Favre.  There was a 77-yard fumble return by LaMarr Woodley.  There was an 88-yard kickoff return by Percy Harvin.  And there was an 82-yard interception return by Keyaron Fox.  Oh, there also was a Steelers’ 27-17 victory.  Hooray Steelers!

Like my main man Joe Jackson always says, “You gotta look sharp.  You gotta look sharp.  And you gotta have no illusions, Just keep going your way looking over your shoulder.”  Look Sharper.  Darren Sharper.  He’s got  no illusions.  He keeps going his way looking over his shoulder.  Looked over his shoulder yesterday with a 42-yard pick six.  Looked over his shoulder yesterday with his eleventh pick six of his career.  Looked over his shoulder yesterday and is now just one pick six short of Rod Woodson’s NFL record.  Sharper also moved past Neon Deion Sanders with a career total of 1353 yards on INT returns, trailing only Woodson (1483). 

Don’t look now sports fans but the New England Patriots are back.  Back in the back of a Cadillac.  Number one with a bullet, they’re a power pack.  Power packin’ and building a 21-0 lead against the Buccaneers yesterday.  Kid on halloween dressed as a pirate.  Guys says to him, “He kid, where are your buccaneers?”  Kid answers, “Under my buccan hat!”  I digress.  Combined with New England’s 59-0 win over the Titans last week, the Pats scored 80 consecutive points without allowing any. That was the longest such streak by an NFL team since the Bills scored 86 straight points over the 49ers, Colts and Patriots over a three-game span in September 1992.

Rookie QB, schmookie QB.  Who cares about a rookie quarterback when your team can run like this.  Fat lady goes into a drug store.  Tells the salesman she needs talcum powder.  Salesman says, “Walk this way.”  Lady answers, “If I could walk that way, I wouldn’t need the talcum powder.”  I’ll be here all week.  The New York Jets, who rushed for 318 yards in last week’s loss to the Bills, gained 316 rushing yards in their 38-0 victory at Oakland. The Jets became the first team in 75 years to gain at least 316 yards rushing in consecutive games. The last team to do so was the Detroit Lions in 1934, led by Dutch Clark and Ernie Caddel. 

Word has it that Cincinnati Bengals football player and social media star Chad Ochocinco is in works with Motorola to develop his own Twitter based social media news service called OCNN – Ocho Cinco News Network.  I got a story for him.  I got a Miles Austin story for him.  Yesterday, Miles Austin had another big day.  Yesterday, Miles Austin had 171 receiving yards and two touchdown catches, in the Cowboys’ 37-21 win over the Falcons.  How about that?  How about this?  Only two other players in NFL history gained at least 400 yards receiving and caught four TD passes over a span of two games.  Only Chad Ochocinco (nee Johnson) in 2006 and Cloyce Box in 1950.  Just so you know, Austin did it in his first two NFL starts.

Brass Bonanza:

That’s right, back by popular demand, it’s the Brass Bonanza Award.  Just in case you didn’t know.  Maybe you didn’t hear about it, you’ve been away a long time.  They didn’t go up there and tell you.  They didn’t go up there and tell you the Brass Bonanza Award is given Sunday’s biggest loser.  Brass Bonanza was the Hartford Whalers fight song.  Need I say more?

This week we proudly award the Brass Bonanza to the Cleveland Browns’ starting quarterbacks.  Yesterday, Derek Anderson passed for only 99 yards in the Browns’ 31-3 loss to the Packers.  It was the sixth time in their last 13 games that Cleveland’s starting quarterback was held below the 100-yard mark. No other team’s starting QBs have posted even half as many such games as the Browns during that time.  That’s bad.  That’s really bad.  That’s Brass Bonanza bad.

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Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Share the love baby!

Need More? Ben Roethlisberger,Brass Bonanza,Brett Favre,Chad Johnson,Cleveland Browns,Dallas Cowboys,Miles Austin,Minnesota Vikings,New England Patriots,New York Jets,NFL,Pittsburgh Steelers,Tampa Bay Buccaneers

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