Derek Jeter’s A Chicken

I don’t wanna be a chicken.  I don’t wanna be a duck.  So I shave my butt.  -The Chicken Dance

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Derek Jeter owes Roy Halladay a no-hitter.  Everybody knows Derek Jeter.  Why, he’s the meanest, toughest, rip-roaringest, Edward-Everett-Hortonest hombre whatever packed a six-shooter.  Right?  Right?  Wrong.  Remember back in 1941?  Remember back in 1941, Ted Williams entered the last day of the season with a batting average of .39955 which would have been rounded up to .400, making him the first man to hit .400 since Bill Terry?  Manager Joe Cronin left the decision whether to play up to Teddy Ballgame.  Remember Williams opted to play in both games of the day’s doubleheader and risk falling short, explaining that “if I can’t hit .400 all the way, I don’t deserve it.”  Last night, Derek Jeter did the exact opposite of that. 

Derek Jeter, batting .415 over his last 23 games, was absent from the Yankees lineup against Roy Halladay last night.  Wanna know why?  Huh?  Do ya?  I’ll tell you why.  I’ll tell you Doc Hallady owns Derek Jeter like Charlsetown owns the Chiefs.  I’ll tell you Halladay has struck Jeter out 24 times over the course of their careers.  I’ll tell you that’s the second-highest strikeout total by one active major leaguer against another. I’ll tell you Jeter’s a big fat chicken.  His replacement at shortstop, Ramiro Pena, had the only hit off Doc, a sixth-inning double.  If Jeter just manned up like he had a pair, Doc would have gotten that no-hitter.  Nobody likes a chicken.

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies. Six two and Even!

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