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Braves Busting Moves

By: josh q. public on: Thursday, June 4, 2009 @10:25 am

Braves Busting Moves

A girl starts walkin’, guys start gawkin’, sits down next to you and starts talkin’.  Says she wanna dance cus she likes the groove, so come on fatso and just bust a move.  -Young MC

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  The mighty Atlanta Braves were once the starship of the NL East’s fleet.  They boldly went where no team had gone before.  From 1991–2005 the Braves were one of the most successful franchises in baseball.  They won division titles an unprecedented fourteen consecutive times during that time.  Now, not so much.  Now the Braves are third class citizens behind the Phillies and Mets.  They are barely treading water at .500 and in third place.  Now they are making drastic moves.  Boombastic moves.  She say me fantastic, touch me in my back she say I’m Mr. boom boom boombastic.   

Yesterday, in the first of two moves, the Braves released Tommy Glavine.  They released the man who won 244 games for them.  Know this sports fans, only three pitchers who entered the major leagues in 1950 or later won more games for one team.  Only Jim PalmerPhil Niekro and Bob Gibson.  Pretty good company.  Come and knock on our door.  We’ve been waiting for you.  Where the kisses are hers and hers and his, three’s company too.

I guess Tommy Glavine was a crowd.  I guess the Braves felt the 43-year-old   305-game winner had not shown during three minor league rehab assignments that he could still be effective in the big leagues.  So much for his two Cy Youngs.  So much for his ten All-Star appearances.  So much for his World Series MVP.  So much for all he meant to the city of Atlanta.  So much for Tommy Glavine.

In the second move, the Braves acquired centerfielder Nate McClouth from Pittsburgh.  So Say Hey Willie, tell Ty Cobb and Joe DiMaggio.  Look at me, I can be centerfield.  Nate McLouth can be centerfield.  Since the demise of Andruw Jones, the Braves has certainly been lacking at that position. A juiceless Jordan Schafer was not the answer.

Entering play on Wednesday, Atlanta’s centerfielders had combined for a .192 batting average this season.  Egads man!  That’s the third-lowest batting average  in the National League at any particular position except pitcher.  Ahead of only Colorado’s third basemen (.183) and Arizona’s centerfielders (.190).  Over the Braves’ twelve games preceding this trade, the team’s center fielders were 6-for-46 (.130), with one extra-base hit (a double), seventeen strikeouts and no RBIs.  This trade needed to happen.

Public Spectacle

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

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    [...] Braves Busting Moves (Josh Q. Public) [...]

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    richbrave Says:

    Didn't JEFF FRANCOUER just blast a two run homer to tie the game in the ninth inning against the CUBS in the last series. I believe that was BEFORE the McLOUTH trade. Check your facts.

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    my facts are righteous, francouer was in in right. blanco was in center. apology accepted

    <a href=”http://www.cbssports.com/mlb/gamecenter/recap/MLB…” target=”_blank”>http://www.cbssports.com/mlb/gamecenter/recap/MLB…

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    [...] with a pretty high opinion of himself. And a hula hoop, of course. whether shittin’ on the Braves, big-uppin’ Trevor Hoffman or selecting which song lyrics might fit nicely as an opener, [...]