King of the Ave. with the def female. You’re rhyming and stealin’ with the freshest ale. -Beastie Boys
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Ha ha ha! How sweep it is! What a weekend! I’m like so what I’m drunk. It’s the freakin’ weekend baby, I’m about to have me some fun. The Boston Red Sox sure had some fun this weekend. Had some fun at home at the expense of the New York Yankees. Now go home and get your fuckin’ shinebox! The Red Sox beat the Yankees every which way but loose. They did it like this. They did it like that. They did it with the whiffle ball bat. I know it’s early. I know it’s still only April. I know and I don’t care.
In game one, the Boston Red Sox won by sticking it to Mariano Rivera. Stuck it to him real good like. Stuck it to him with the Bombers up 4-2. Stuck it to him while the YES Network declared its Chevy Player of the Game. Declared its Chevy Player of the Game as the “Yankees Bullpen.” Ha ha ha! Two pitches later, Kevin Youkilis nearly took good ole Mo’s head nearly clean off. You know the rest. If you don’t, Jason Bay does.
In game two, the Bombers took a 6-0 lead in Boston. In game two, the Bombers lost that lead, regained it, and finally crashed and burned as the Red Sox took the decision the old fashioned way. They earned it. Only three other times in their history have the Yankees lost by at least five runs in games in which they had once led by at least six runs. The most recent of them came in 1956. It came in 1956 when they led Cleveland, 6-0, with the soon-to-be-perfect Don Larsen pitching, only to lose 15-8. Since 1956! Put that in your pinstripes and smoke it!
And then there was last night. And then there’s Maude. That old compromisin’, enterprisin’, anything but tranquilizing. Right on Maude! Rest in peace, Maude. Rest in peace Yankees. Rest in peace thanks to one Jacoby Ellsbury. I loved Lou Brock. Put you in shock. Stealing bases around the clock. A virtuoso like my main man Johann Sebastian Bach. I love this kid. Attention please, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Fenway Park. Now leading off, Ellsbury, center field, Ellsbury. There hasn’t been this much excitement on the basepaths around here since 1973. Since Tommy Harper. Tommy Harper never stole home. Jacoby Ellsbury did. Roll Sox roll!
Peace out homies. Six two and Even!