MLB: Age Of Discontent

Ah, but I was so much older then.  I’m younger than that now.  -The Byrds

Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go!  Like my main man Mark Twain always says, “Age is an issue of mind over matter.  If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”  The U.S. Consulate in Santo Domingo minds.  It matters.  According to ESPN, the U.S. Consulate in Santo Domingo has asked Major League Baseball to re-investigate 42-44 recent cases of amateur player signings out of the Dominican Republic for possible age irregularities.  Ruh roh, Reorge.  There are going to be some very unhappy people in baseball when this thing pans out.     

It appears, players who are found to have used false information in their applications are in danger of losing their visas or at least having them temporarily suspended.  It has long been known players lie about their age to buck the system.  To chuck the system.  To, well, you know, the system.  Latin players lying about their age is almost expected.  It’s like internet dating.  You have to know there are going to be a few inches added to a guy’s height or a few pounds subtracted from a girl’s weight.  You have to know that going in. 

You have to know there are going to be guys like Miguel Tejada.  You have to know guys are going to lie and say they are younger than they actually are in order to stretch out their careers and their wallets.  Most recently, top Washington Nationals prospect, Esmailyn “Smiley” Gonzalez lied.  Smiley Gonzales lied and claimed to be sixteen at the time of his signing.  She was only sixteen, only sixteen, I loved her so.  But she was too young to fall in love and I was too dumb to know. 

It turns out Smiley wasn’t sixteen.  It turns out Smiley was twenty.  It turns out Smiley ain’t even Smiley.  It turns out he’s Carlos Alvarez.  He’s Frowny now.  He is having trouble getting a visa that would allow him to leave the Dominican Republic now.  Expect more of the same.  When the lid from this can of worms is fully removed, expect a lot more guys to be stuck in the DR until they’re old and gray.  The good news is, it shouldn’t be a very long wait.

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

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