Rocket Roger In For A Crash Landing

I can’t do nuttin’ for you man.  Go lean on Shell’s Answer Man.  I can’t do nuttin’ for ya man.  You jumped out of the jelly into a jam.  -Public Enemy

Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go!  Let me make one thing perfect perfectly clear, Rocket Roger Clemens is in trouble.  A heap of trouble.  Ya got trouble right here in River City!  With a capital “T” and that rhymes with “P” and that stands for steroids.  I dunno how, but it does.  Tests have linked Roger Clemens’ DNA to blood in syringes that his former trainer says he used to inject Rocket with juice.  Ruh roh Roger.    

It’s not looking good for the best pitcher of our lifetimes.  Just like it’s not looking for the best hitter of our lifetimes.  The Washington Post reported Tuesday that the DNA results are preliminary and subject to verification tests.  I think both people reading this know how those verification tests are going to turn out.  Badly, very badly.

I knew it a long time ago.  I knew it when Roger went all Ampex 2000 and broke out the McNamee tapes.  Remember?  Rememeber Roger and two lawyers sat in a room trying to set up unsuspecting Brian McNamee.  A whining Brian McNamee.  A sniveling Brian McNamee.  A blubbering Brian McNamee.  Clemens thought he sensed weakness.  Thought he could throw one high and tight.  Thought McNamee would go down looking.  Thought he said are you all right Spider.  He thought wrong.

McNamee was apologizing.  Not for lying.  No.  McNamee was apologizing for telling the truth.  For telling the truth and falling off the gravy train.  The gravy taste dogs can’t wait to finish.  Falling off the gravy train with a very sick child.  McNamee:  “I will go to jail, I will do whatever you want.”  I will lie for you.  I will go to jail for you.  Greg Anderson style.  I will do all that for you if you pay for my sick child.  McNamee:  “All I did was what I thought was right.  I never thought it was right, but I thought I had no choice.” 

Now, both courts of law and the court of public opinion are the ones with no choice.  No choice but to sentence Roger Clemens.  Sentence him as a cheater.  Sentence him as a liar.  Sentence him as a bully.  So after all these years it looks like Dan Duquette was right.  It looks like the Rocket was in the twilight of his career.  He just needed a little boost.

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

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