Albert Pujols Puts Baseball On Notice

Hey, hey, hey!  Here’s Fat Albert.  And I’m gonna sing a song for you.  And this is gonna show you a thing or two.  Fat Albert 

Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go!  Oh boy!  This is not good news.  This is not good news you play in the National League.  Albert Pujols says he’s “100% healthy.”  Jeez, what was he last year?  He was MVP last year, that’s what he was.  MVP on a bum elbow, that’s what he was.  Stanley, see this?  This is this.  This ain’t something else.  This is this.  From now on, you’re on your own.   

The St. Louis Cardinals ain’t on their own.  Not When Phat Albert’s around.  Hey, hey hey!  Last year, Phat Albert hit .357.  Last year, Phat Albert hit thirty-seven bombs.  Last year, Phat Albert knocked in 116 RBIs.  Last year, Phat Albert did all that while playing with the sore right elbow.  This year his elbow isn’t so sore.  This year, baseball is on notice.

While Manny Ramirez and A-Broad get all the publicity for being the great right handed hitters that they are, Albert Pujols gets the high hat.  Like my main man Johnny Caspar always says, “I’m sick a’ takin’ the scrap from you, Leo.  I’m sick a’ marching into this goddamn office to kiss your Irish ass.  And I’m sick of the high hat!  There will be no high hat for Pujols this year.

Albert Pujols is, and has been for some quite time, the National League’s best player.  Baseball’s best player.  Pujols has finished in the top 10 in the voting in every one of his eight Major League seasons.  He has been fourth or better seven times.  He should have won it in ’06.  He was robbed, robbed I tell ya, like Petey was robbed in ’99.  Sorry, I digress, I’m still bitter about that one.  Stupid I-Rod.

Where was I?  Oh ya.  Albert Pujols.  He doesn’t get the notoriety because he’s one of the good guys.  The Roberto Clemente guys.  He doesn’t throw down old traveling secretaries to the floor.  He doesn’t make headlines trolling strip clubs for muscle-bound women.  He plays baseball.  This season he’s gonna play baseball healthy again.  Geronimo, look out below!   

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

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