Patriots: Two Out Of Three Ain’t Bad

I want you.  I need you.  But there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you.  Now don’t be sad, ’cause two out of three ain’t bad.  -Meatloaf

Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go!  This is it.  Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!  Patriots fans unite!  By now, we all know what needs to happen.  From radio, to the video, to Arsenio we all know yo, what’s the scenario.  We all know two of three things need to happen.  We all know, firstly and foremostly, the Patriots must win.  Must win.  Must win.  Then, if either the Dolphins or Ravens lose, the Pats are in.  Easy, right?  Why don’t we just take a little look and see how as easy, shall we?  Yes, we shall. 

Patriots Vs. Bills:  Know this sports fans, the Patriots own the Bills.  Who own the Chiefs?  Ownsss, ownsss.  The Patriots have beaten Buffalo ten straight times.  Ten.  Yes, the Bills showed a little sumthin’, sumthin’ last week against the Broncos.  Showed a little spark.  Showed a little life.  The Patriots are not the Broncos.  The Patriots are built for this.  December is their time.  Usually it’s Tom Brady’s time, but no matter, in the last two weeks they totaled ninety-six points in comfortable victories over Oakland and Arizona.  Very comfortable wins over Oakland and Arizona. The Patriots have been hitting on all cylinders as of late; expect more of the same this afternoon.  This is not the game to worry about.

Jets Vs. Dolphins:  Start worrying.  The Jets have lost three of their last four.  In those last four games, since flexing all their footballiness against the Titans, Brett Favre has thrown one touchdown pass and six interceptions.  In that time, they have had just three pass plays of twenty-five yards or more.  Not very Favre-like.  More Pennington-like if you ask me.  Remember him?  Remember Jets fans were downright giddy when the team traded for the future Hall of Famer, Brett Favre, and released Chad?  Throws like Johnny Damon, they said.  Can’t win with him, they said.  What are they saying now?  I’ll tell you what Randy Cross is saying.  Randy Cross is saying, “Pennington was easily more valuable to the Dolphins than Favre has been to the Jets.  In fact, it’s not really close, which only made the Pro Bowl votes all the more curious.”  Not very encouraging.  Let’s go Jets!

Raven Vs. Jaguars:  Believe it or not, this may be the game.  The game that brings us fame.  Say my name!  Before I get started, is it just me, or do you still get the Jags and Panthers confused?  Nevermind.  Think run.  Think running the football.  Think stopping the other guy from running the football.  The Jags do both.  Jacksonville has limited teams to 52.3 rushing yards in their past three games.   That’s good news.  No gnews is good gnews.  The Ravens are 1-3 when they have been held under 113 yards on the ground.  That’s better news.  So is this:  The Ravens always have trouble tackling Maurice Jones-Drew.  With Fred Taylor done for the season, Maurice Jones-Drew will be the man the Ravens will need to tackle.  He is Jacksonville’s best offensive weapon.  Weapon of mass destruction.  He is the NFL leader among running backs in both catches and receiving yards.  He may be a little dinged up, but Maurice Jones-Drew is one of those guys who scores almost every time he touches the ball.  He’ll be touching the ball.  He’ll be touching the ball a lot.  Make no mistakes, this is not a gimme.  Baltimore is one very scary football team, but it’s the Patriots’ best last chance.

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

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