Chasing Larry Bird

There’s time to teach, point to point.  Point observation, children carry reservations.  Standing on the shoulders of giants leaves me cold.  -REM

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  You all heard it.  You all heard Chase Utley’s potty mouth.  The minute I heard it, my mind instantly went to another victory parade.  I love a parade.  The tramping of feet.  I love every beat I hear of a drum.  I love a Boston Celtics victory parade.  The first Boston Celtics victory parade of my generation.  A Larry Bird Boston Celtics victory parade.  Sherman, set the Way Back Machine.  Set it to 1981.  

Ahhh. 1981.  The release of the hostages in Iran.  Ronald Reagan.  Jim Plunkett.  The fire at the Vegas Hilton.  Justin Morneau is born.  Joe Louis dies.  Kool and the Gang are on the jukebox.  Magnum P.I.’s on the TV.  And the Boston Celtics, led by Larry Joe Bird, win themselves an NBA Championship.  Wooo doggie!

Yes folks, the Boston Celtics and Larry Bird won their 14th championship back in 1981.  Won it against Moses Malone and the Houston Rockets.  “Fo fo fo,” Moses Malone.  But this was before all that.  He still said some things though.  No, no, no, no, no.  You insulted him a little bit.  You got a little bit out of order yourself.  Moses got of order himself and insulted the Boston Celtics.

The Rockets finished with a pedestrian 40-42 record in the regular season.  Moses didn’t care.  No how.  No way.  A guy who says, “I’ll always be Number one to myself,” doesn’t care.  That’s not all he said.  Even though Houston had lost its previous twelve games to the Celtics, Malone came into the series jacked and pumped and called the Boston Celtics chumps.  Chumps!  Can you believe it? The nerve!  The unmitigated gall!  Then, with the series tied at two games apiece, Moses just kept on keeping on.  He said he had no respect for the Celtics.  He called them chumps once again.  He said he could pick up any four guys off the playground in his hometown of Petersburg, Virginia, and easily beat the Celtics. 

Now, I don’t know a lot of things about a lot of things, but I do know this.  I know you don’t tug on Superman’s cape.  You don’t spit into the wind.  You don’t pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger and you don’t mess around with Bird.  The Celtics went on to crush Houston in the next two games and finished them off in six.   ”I don’t think they’re all that good,” Moses said.  “I don’t think they can stop us from doing what we want to do,” Moses said.  In your face, Flanders!

And that brings us to the crux of the story.  That brings us to the reason why we’re all here.  That brings us to the money shot.  That brings us to the victory parade.  The victory parade where Larry Bird said this:

The parade where a fan held up a sign that read “Moses eats shit”.  The parade where Larry saw that sign.  The parade where Larry smiled.  The parade where Larry smiled and said in front of 500,000 screaming fans at the City Hall celebration, ”You’re right, Moses does eat shit!”  I went nuts. My brothers went nuts. The crowd went nuts. Pandemonium ensued.  When I saw Chase Utley say, “World F@!#n’ Champions”, that’s what I thought of.  I thought of Larry Joe Bird.  If that’s what I thought of, how bad could it be? 

Public Spectacle:

And just because:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

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