Dice-K: Ace In The Hole

Hey, boy, where you been so long?  Don’t you know me?  I’m your ace in the hole.  -Paul Simon

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Matsuzaka, Matsuzaka, Matuzaka!  The new king of old Fenway Pahka!  Dice-K.  D-Nice.  He’s delightful, he’s delicious, he’s delectable, he’s delirious, he’s de limit, he’s deluxe, he’s de-lovely, he’s D-Nice although he hates to admit it, he’s taking out you suckers and you don’t know how he did it.  

Took out some suckers late last night.  Took out the Seattle Mariners late last night.  Late last night, Daisuke Matsuzaka earned his eleventh win in twelve decisions.  Eleven out of twelve.  Yowza!  That puts D-Nice in some pretty good company. Three’s company.  Actually seven’s company.  Eight if you include the Rocket.  Eight is enough to fill our lives with love. 

The Rocket is the only Red Sox pitcher who started a season at 12-0.  The guys who have started 11-1 are Boom Boom Beckett, Pedro, Tim Wakefield, Stanley Steamer,  Monster Dick Radatz, Lefty Grove and Cy Young himself.  And when I say Cy Young, you know what I’m talking about boyeeeeee!. Not too shabby. 

Late last night, Matsuzaka made a pathetic Mariner offense look even more pitiful.  He did it with the slider.  A knee buckling, mind bending, world beating pitch sure to amaze and mystify.  Amazed and mystified Seattle late last night.  He’s been amazing and mystifying all year. 

Purists may be infuriated with D-Nice’s tendency to nibble and walk batters.  Purists may frown upon the fact that he does not pound the strike zone.  I say turn that frown upside down.  Upside down.  Boy, you turn me.  Inside out.  And round and round.  Turning folks round and round putting up strong numbers across the board.  Turning folks round and round while cutting way down on bombs allowed. 

Among starting pitchers who have at least eighty innings pitched this season, Matsuzaka is tied with Cubs RHP Rich Harden with only five home runs allowed this season.  Holy Cow!  Even holier when you consider Matsuzaka allowed twenty-five bombs last season. 

Where are the naysayers now?  The not today sayers.  The just walk away sayers.  Last I heard, D-Nice will never make it.  Last I heard, being a star in Japan meant nothing.  Last I heard, the WBC was a joke.  Last I heard, the Red Sox took all that money, took all that money, and threw it down the sewer.  Thing is, no one told Daisuke.  Nobody told me there’d be days like these.  Nobody told me there’d be days like these.  Strange days indeed.  Cy Young days.  And when I say Cy Young, you know what I’m talking about boyeeeee!

Public Acknowledgements:  Cole Porter, Jack Tripper, Dick Van Patten and Diana Ross and John Lennon 

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

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