Josh Q. Public: Big time. I’m on my way, I’m making it. Big time. I’ve got to make it show, yeah. Big time. So much larger than life. -Peter Gabriel
Public Service Announcements: Ok, here we go! Eighty-one games in the books. Time to do this. Like we always knew this. I do the Smurf, the Popeye, and the Jerry Lewis. I also hand out awards. Midseason awards. If you pleasin’ awards. Grade A guaranteesin’ awards:
Willie Mays Award (Best Player on the Planet): Fresh off Player of the Month, this award goes to Hanley Ramirez. Beast of the East. A lean mean baseball machine. This kid really can play the game. On offense, he hits for power. He hits for results. He’s the best leadoff hitter I’ve seen since Rickey. On defense, he has exceptional range. He has an equally exceptional arm. He is going to be the best player in baseball for a long, long time.
Teddy Ballgame Award (Best Hitter): Lance Berkman. Berkman has put together one of the strongest first halves we’ve seen in a while. A Ken Patera first half. Just a monster. A leviathan. A barbarian. A behemoth. I’m no sabermatric guy. No Bill James, I. But Berkman’s numbers are just astounding. .364/.444/.690 in 313 at-bats. He has also posted the majors’ highest OPS (1.135), OPS+ (198) and slugging percentage. He is second in the NL in batting average and RBIs and third in homers. If it weren’t for Chipper, Berkman would have a legitimate shot at the circuit’s Triple Crown.
Sandy Koufax Award (Best Pitcher): I said it yesterday. I’ll say it again today. Have another drink on me Doc Holliday. Have another drink on me. Roy Halladay. In an age of pitch counts, Roy Halladay is a throw back. A go back. An Adrianne Barbeau back. Roy Halladay is by far and away the most under appreciated player in the game. When all is said and done, Halladay will go down as the greatest Blue Jays pitcher ever. When all is said and done, Halladay will go down as a first ballot Hall of Famer. When all is said and done, he will go down as the best pitcher of his generation.
Freddy Lynn Award (Best Offensive Rookie): Rookie rookie, who gets the cookie. Evan Longoria. That’s who. Longoria is poised to become the just third rookie in the last fifty years to have fifteen bombs, twenty doubles and fifty RBIs by the All-Star break. Holy cow! A once stud prospect for the Rays is now a stud Ray. He is now the best player on baseball’s best story of 2008. Twice he’s won games with walk-off hits. Earlier this month, he drove a 442-foot blast at Rangers Park in Texas to become just the second player in the stadium’s history to reach the second-level outfield deck. Light tower power. He’s only going to get better. Yikes.
Mark Fidrych Award (Best Rookie Pitcher): The other guy in the Josh Hamilton trade. Edinson Volquez. Voltron. Voltron may not only win the NL Rookie of he Year, he just may win the Cy. The only other guy to do that was something in the air that night. The stars were bright, Fernando. Fernando Valenzuela. Great. Now I gotta change the name of the award.
Brooks Robinson Award (Best Defensive Player): Heard it in a glooove song. Heard it in a glooove song. Can’t be wrong. Can’t be wrong picking the O-Dog. Can’t be wrong picking Orlando Hudson. Orlando Hudson remains the best defensive player in baseball. The best I’ve ever seen. Maybe the best there’s ever been. Just a glove machine. And he won’t work for nobody but you. Year after year. Game after game. Web gem after gem. Simply the best.
Hank Greenberg Award (Best Jewish Ballplayer): Hey, Sandy Koufax was already taken. You got the Hebrew Hammer, Ryan Braun. You got the Greek God of Walks, Kevin Youkilis. But for my money, Ian Kinsler is the best Jewish ballplayer going. When you think of second basemen, you don’t normally think about Kinsler. He may not even be in your fav five. He should be.
Wade Boggs Award (Cheatenist Summamabitch): Madonna’s new beau. There was Jose Canseco. There was Dennis Rodman. There was Mark Messier. You can now A-Broad to that list. You can now A-Broad to that notch on the bedpost. She may not be as muscular as Alex likes, but he likes Madonna just the same. His wife doesn’t. His wife likes Lenny Kravitz. Oh, the tangled web weave.
Impossible Dream Award (Best Story Team): Tampa Bay Rays. Not for nothing, the Rays have swept two series against the Red Sox this season. It’s the first time in major league history that a team that had the worst record in the major leagues the previous season had two series sweeps against the defending World Series champion. Not for nothing else, the Rays opened up a 3.5 game lead in the American League East with their sweep of the Red Sox. The last time an AL East team other than the Yankees or Red Sox had a lead that large in July or later was in 1997, when the Orioles had a four-game lead as late as the morning of September 25. Last not for nothing. The Rays’ win moved them 20 games above .500 for the first time in team history. That leaves the Rockies as the only current major league team that’s never stood at 20 games above .500 in any season of existence. The all-time record for such a thing was set by the Angels, who went 22 seasons and nearly 3,500 games before finally going 20 over .500 for the first time in 1982.
Jim Abbot Award (Best Story Player): Jon Lester
Cecil Fielder Award (Fattest Player): CC Sabathia
Andres Galarraga Award: (Comeback Player): Bartolo Colon
Sparky Anderson Award: (Top Manager): Fredi Gonzalez
Lou Brock Award (Stolen Bases): Willy Taveras
Ron Blomberg Award (Designated Hitter): Milton Bradley
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!
Need More? Alex Rodriguez, CC Sabathia, Edinson Volquez, Evan Longoria, Hanley Ramirez, Ian Kinsler, Jon Lester, Lance Berkman, MLB, Milton Bradley, Orlando Hudson, Roy Halladay, Tampa Bay Rays
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