Boston Celtics: Believe It!

Struck me kinda funny, seemed kinda funny sir to me.  At the end of every hard earned day people find some reason to believe.  Bruce Springsteen

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Woooo doggy!  Larry Bird is not walking through that door, fans.  Kevin McHale is not walking through that door, and Robert Parish is not walking through that door.  They don’t need to.  It’s the new style.  Four and three and two and one.  When I’m on the mic, the suckers run. 

Suckers are running.  The Boston Celtics just put the entire basketball world on notice.  The Boston Celtics just sent the entire basketball world a message.  Oh the lonely days are gone.  I’m coming home.  My baby, she wrote me a letter.  Yes, the lonely days are gone.  The Celtics wrote a letter.  The letter said, “I’m Godzilla.  You are Japan!” 

What?  You thought this was a fluke?  Thought they’ve been lucky?  Thought this was an accident?  Thought you said are you all right, Spider.  Think again.  The Celtics’ position atop the NBA, contrary to popular opinion, has not been a result of a soft first half schedule.  The Celtics’ position atop the NBA, contrary to popular opinion, has not been a result of a soft Eastern Conference.  The Celtics’ position atop the NBA, contrary to popular opinion, has been a result of one thing and one thing only.  They’re good.  Real good.  

Last night, the Boston Celtics clinched a playoff spot by smashing everybody’s pet pick in the East.  Smashed the Beasts of the East.  Smashed them real good like.  The Big Ticket smashed them.  He didn’t fill it up for fifty while jawing with Spike Lee against the joke of the league.  He did the right thing.  He put on his hard hat and went to work.  Put on his hard hat and scored thirty-one.  He put on his hard hat and played defense.  Tough defense.  Rough defense.  Dare I say it?  Tenacious defense. 

The Celtics played team basketball.  Five players on the floor functioning as one single unit: team, team, team.  No one more important that the other.  The Truth had fifteen, nailing the three-point dagger,threecola! Larry Bird style.  Rajon Rondo contributed sixteen, including a thunderous, posterizing don’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk in the mugs of Rip Hamilton and Jason Maxiell.  Kendrick Perkins notched ten points and twenty boards.  Twenty rebounds!  Big Al who? 

The Celtics never trailed in this game.  The Celtics never trailed in this statement sending game.  This buckwheats sending game.  Buckwheats is a whole other animal.  A guy orders a buckwheats hit, it just doesn’t mean take the guy out, it means take the guy out in the most painful way possible.  It means the vic should suffer.  Typical buckwheat hit is to shoot a guy up the ass.  Yeah, uh, ba-bing.  A slug up the ass, you don’t die so much as contort for a good fifteen minutes, then you die.  I imagine it’s like crappin’ white-hot razor blades. 

I imagine the Pistons are crappin’ white-hot razor blades right now.  Heck, I imagine the whole daggone NBA is crappin’ white-hot razor blades right now.  As for the Celtics?  They’re sipping boat drinks.

Public Acknowledgements:  Jed Clampett, Rick Pitino, Beastie Boys, Box Tops, Things to Do When You’re Dead In Denver, Goodfellas, Hoops World and Coach Norman Dale

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even! 

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