March of the Penguins: Marian Hossa

Earth Angel, earth angel, Will you be mine?  My darling dear, love you all the time.  I’m just a fool, a fool in love with you.  -The Penguins

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  The Pittsburgh Penguins.  Come in out of the cornstarch and dry your mukluks by the fire.  Come into the Igloo and watch the Penguins’ almighty pursuit of the Stanley Cup. 

What a move!  What a move!  The Penguins snagged the sniper.  Well, it seems to me, sir, that God gave me a special gift, made me a fine instrument of warfare.  If you was to put me and this here sniper rifle anywhere up to and includin’ one mile of Adolph Hitler with a clear line of sight, sir… pack your bags, fellas, war’s over.  Amen.  Yep, pack your bags fellas, war’s over.  Amen. 

The Penguins just made themselves the team to beat.  Tough as concrete.  Turning up the heat.  Turning up the heat with Marian Hossa.  In Marian Hossa, the Penguins just acquired one of the most prolific scorers in the NHL.  Hossa has scored 252 goals over the last seven seasons.  Second-most goals of any NHL player, behind Jarome Iginla (271). 

Now you’re going to slip him beside Sid the Kid?  Now you’re going to slip him beside the Next One?  Now you’re going to slip him beside the Wizard of Croz?  Good-night Irene!  Now let’s see how many biscuits he puts into the basket.  We all know how good the Kid is.  We are all watching Evgeni Malkin maturing into one of the game’s top talents right before our very eyes.  Baby what a big surprise.  Right before my very eyes.  Adding Marian Hossa simply adds to Pittsburgh’s firepower.  Peace through superior firepower.  The Stanley Cup through superior firepower. 

With Marian Hossa, the Penguins went from the NHL’s best young team, to the NHL’s best team.  Just like that.  When I move, you move.  Just like that.  Just like that, the Penguins are the team to beat.

Public Acknowledgements:  Firesign Theater, Saving Private Ryan, Chicago and Ludacris.

Public Spectacle: 

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

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