I got so much trouble on my mind.  I refuse to lose.  Here’s your ticket.  Hear the drummer get wicked.  -Public Enemy

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Just a quick one today.  A run and stick one today.  A makes me sick one today.   

Kobe Bryant for MVP makes me sick.  LeBron James for MVP makes me sick.  The Most Valuable Player in the National Basketball Association this year is Kevin Garnett.  Period.  Stated.  Bordered.  The Big Ticket.  And I gotta get a meal ticket.  To survive you need a meal ticket.  To stay alive you need a meal ticket. 

The Celtics got their meal ticket alright.  We’re not talking McDonald’s dollar menu meal ticket.  We’re not talking Swanson’s Hungry Man meal ticket.  We’re talking Peter Luger’s.  We’re talking Sparks.  We’re talking Dylan Prime.  We’re talking United States Grade A  juicy porterhouse.  We’re talking Kevin Garnett.  

We’re talking the man who almost single-handedly turned around the NBA’s most storied franchise.  From pretender to contender.  He’s not doing it with all that fancy pants stuff.  He’s not doing it with all that prancey pants stuff.  He’s not doing it with all that dancey pants stuff.  We can dance if we want to.  We can leave your friends behind. 

He doesn’t take off from the foul line.  Dipsy-doo dunkeroo slam-jam-bam thank you ma’am.  He doesn’t fill it up for eighty.  He brings his lunch pail.  Night after night.  Fight after fight.  Brings his lunch pail night after night and wills the Celtics to victory.  Wills them to victory with his leadership.  His leadership on defense.  Defense wins championships.  Just ask the San Antonio Spurs.  Just ask the Big Fundamental.  Another cat who should be mentioned before King James and the Mamba. 

Kevin Garnett is a superstar.  Lives large.  A big house.  Five cars.  He’s in charge.  He is the best all around player in the league.  He scores.  He defends.  He rebounds.  He makes everybody around him better.  Everybody.  You know who does that on the Lakers?  Huh?  Do ya?  Pau.  That’s who.  So while everybody’s jerkin’ Kobe.  So while everybody’s jerkin’ LeBron.  Have the goddam common courtesy to give the Big Ticket a reach-around.  I’ll be watching you.

Public Acknowledgements:  Elton John, Men Without Hats, Dick Vitale and Gunnery Sgt. Hartman

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report!  Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can’t make head or tail of it.  -Groucho Marx

Public Knowledge:

1.  Rest in Peace Myron Cope:

2.  So now the leaders of a House committee want the Justice Department to investigate if Rocket Roger Clemens lied under oath about using performance-enhancing drugs.  All I know is, this thing is going to cost a lot of time and a lot of money.  A lot of time and a lot of money to find out what we already know.  Roger Clemens used.  Why couldn’t he have just told the truth?  Honestly, would anyone have cared?  Jason Giambi?  He told the truth.  He got Comeback Player of the Year.  Andy Pettitte?  He told the truth.  He got himself a fresh new contract.  Roger Clemens?  He lied.  He’s going to jail.

3.  How are the Hornets still buzzing below the radar?  You saw them last night.  You saw them last night against Steve Nash and the mighty Phoenix Suns.  You saw them complete a four-game sweep against Steve Nash and the mighty Phoenix Suns.  Steve Nash and the mighty Phoenix Suns hadn’t been swept in a season-series of at least four games since 2003-04.  I guess the Hornets have arrived.  Chris Paul has arrived.  Chris Paul had 25 points and a dollar fitty last night.  Steve Nash had a meager eight points and a paltry buck thirty.  In four head-to-head meetings this season, Paul has had one more assist than Nash while outscoring him by an average of more than ten points per game.  MVP?  What say you?

4.  Larry Hughes had a game-high twenty-nine points last night.  Drew Gooden had fifteen rebounds last night.  Wally Szczerbiak went three for thirteen last night.  Ben Wallace had six rebounds last night.  I’m just saying.

5.  Uh oh.  Here come the Raptors.  An adventure 65 Million years in the making.  Well, thirteen years in the making, but you get my drift.  Like Dr. Ellie Sattler always says:  “I was overwhelmed by the power of this place; but I made a mistake, too.  I didn’t have enough respect for that power and it’s out now.”  Yes, it’s out now.  The Raptors have won three in a row and five of six.  In their five previous games, the Raptors’ average point differential was 11.6.  Good for third in the NBA behind the Los Angeles Lakers and Houston Rockets.  The Lakers and the Rockets who, with winning streaks of nine and 13 games, respectively, are the hottest teams in the NBA.  In the East, there’s been a lot of talk about the Celtics.  In the East, there’s been a lot of talk about the Pistons.  In the East, somebody better start talking about the Raptors. 

6.  Jeremy Roenick?  Really?  That Jeremy Roenick?  The Pride of Thayer Academy?  That Jeremy Roenick?  Over 100 points for three-straight seasons?  That Jeremy Roenick?  I thought he died.  I guess the reports of his demise were greatly exaggerated.  Jeremy Roenick had the game-winning goal for the Sharks’ last night. He only has ten goals this entire season.  But, but, seven of them have been game-winners.   Yowza!  In NHL history, only two other players had seven game-winners in their first ten or fewer goals of a season.  Wanna know who they are?  Huh?  Do ya?  Sure you do.   Both of them were defensemen.  Does that help?  The Maple Leafs’ Tim Horton hears a who in 1963-64 and that slap shooting fool, Al MacInnis in 1999-2000.

7.  I was gonna do a little a fantasy baseball thing.  I’m not.  Who knows?  I’m in so many leagues, I just may be in one with you.  I’m not helping you.  

8.    No grunting allowed.  A 9-year-old Australian girl has been banned from playing tennis at her local club over the noise she makes while competing.  Are you listening Maria Sharapova?  Are you listening Serena Williams?  Are you listening Monica Seles?  See what happens?  See what you guys started?  Hope you’re happy now.

9.  Ty Law has been released by the Kansas City Chiefs.  Ty Law was courtside at Boston’s Bank North Garden last night.  Are you thinking what I’m thinking?  I would like that.  I would like that a lot.

10.  I got my eye on this Milan Lucic character.  The Boston Bruins Milan Lucic.  Nineteen year-old Milan Lucic.  The next Terry O’Reilly. 

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Earth Angel, earth angel, Will you be mine?  My darling dear, love you all the time.  I’m just a fool, a fool in love with you.  -The Penguins

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  The Pittsburgh Penguins.  Come in out of the cornstarch and dry your mukluks by the fire.  Come into the Igloo and watch the Penguins’ almighty pursuit of the Stanley Cup. 

What a move!  What a move!  The Penguins snagged the sniper.  Well, it seems to me, sir, that God gave me a special gift, made me a fine instrument of warfare.  If you was to put me and this here sniper rifle anywhere up to and includin’ one mile of Adolph Hitler with a clear line of sight, sir… pack your bags, fellas, war’s over.  Amen.  Yep, pack your bags fellas, war’s over.  Amen. 

The Penguins just made themselves the team to beat.  Tough as concrete.  Turning up the heat.  Turning up the heat with Marian Hossa.  In Marian Hossa, the Penguins just acquired one of the most prolific scorers in the NHL.  Hossa has scored 252 goals over the last seven seasons.  Second-most goals of any NHL player, behind Jarome Iginla (271). 

Now you’re going to slip him beside Sid the Kid?  Now you’re going to slip him beside the Next One?  Now you’re going to slip him beside the Wizard of Croz?  Good-night Irene!  Now let’s see how many biscuits he puts into the basket.  We all know how good the Kid is.  We are all watching Evgeni Malkin maturing into one of the game’s top talents right before our very eyes.  Baby what a big surprise.  Right before my very eyes.  Adding Marian Hossa simply adds to Pittsburgh’s firepower.  Peace through superior firepower.  The Stanley Cup through superior firepower. 

With Marian Hossa, the Penguins went from the NHL’s best young team, to the NHL’s best team.  Just like that.  When I move, you move.  Just like that.  Just like that, the Penguins are the team to beat.

Public Acknowledgements:  Firesign Theater, Saving Private Ryan, Chicago and Ludacris.

Public Spectacle: 

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Myths which are believed in, tend to become true.  -George Orwell

Public Knowledge: 

1.  Tony Kornheiser thinks I’m a toad.  That’s not very nice.  Kornheiser: 

Some people sit at home and they watch TV and they watch radio and they “blog” about certain “things,” and they think they know what they’re talking about, and they think they have sources.  They have no sources.  They make stuff up.  They’re toads.  They’re little toads. Actually, they’re pimples on the behind of the greater body politic in this country and in this city.  And because, because they have access to airwaves and three or four people read them, they think, ‘Oh, I’m very important.’  In fact, in fact, if a huge dumpster landed on their mother’s house, and got all the way into the basement and crushed them, nobody would care.  Nobody would miss them.  They provide nothing good, no service that’s any good at all.  They, they are, they are, they are sucking mole rats, and that’s the nicest I can be to them.

Now my feelings are hurt.  I’ve had nothing but nice things to say about Tony.  I’ve stuck up for him.  Clearly he’s not talking about me, is he?

2.  Big boobs set to do Roger in.  The Daily News has written that in the days since the Feb. 13 public hearing on steroids in baseball, another major leaguer has informed congressional investigators that Clemens often joked in the clubhouse about a memorable account of the party – a scene in which Debbie Clemens and Canseco’s ex-wife Jessica compared the results of their surgical breast enhancements.  So many jokes, so little time. 

3.  It appears the Sam I Am buyout is imminent.  The Celtics, Dallas Mavericks and Denver Nuggets are all preparing to make Cassell an offer once he clears waivers in 48 hours.  I know have made overtures for Cassell in the past, but like Mark McGwire, I’m not here to talk about the past.  I’m here to talk about the future.  The future of the Boston Celtics.  And I hope Brent Barry is a part of that future.  Brent Barry is a winner.  He helped capture NBA Titles in the River City with the Big Fundamental and Tony Parker.   Brent Barry is a team-first guy.   He doesn’t pout over minutes.  He doesn’t pout over shots.  Brent Barry has already successfully manned a backcourt with Sugar Ray Allen before.  Barry had a great half-season run in the Emerald City next to Ray Ray.  He’s big.  He hits the three.  He plays defense.  He has a big basketball IQ.   Check out the big brain on Brent!  He’s a smart motherfucker.  Danny Ainge would be a smart motherfucker too if he would just sign this guy. 

4.  Bonds to the Rays?  It makes no sense to me.  The Rays are denying it.  They just cleaned up their clubhouse this winter.  Gone is Delmon Young.  Gone is Elijah Dukes.  So adding perhaps the biggest distraction in baseball doesn’t seem to fit.  But consider this fun factoid.   Barry Bonds has played 2,986 major league games.  All in the National League.  If Bonds does play for Tampa Bay, or any American League team for that matter, he will be only the second player in Major League history to switch leagues after playing at least his first 2,600 games in the other league.  Now here’s the kicker.  Do you know who the other guy is?  Huh?  Do ya.  Hammerin’ Hank Aaron.  That’s who.  Que ironico!

5.  Look who’s back.  Back again.  Peter Forsberg’s back.  Tell a friend.  Tell a friend Peter Forsberg signed a one-year contract with the Avalanche.  Just so you know, Foppa has 623 assists in 697 NHL games.  For you non-math majors, that’s an average of 0.89 assists per game.  That’s pretty good.  How good?  I’m glad you asked.  Only three players in NHL history have a higher career assist-per-game average than Forsberg.  Only three.  Can you guess?  The Great One blessed be he, Wayne Gretzky with 1.32/game.  Super Mario Lemieux with 1.13/game.  And number four Bobby Orr, the pride of Parry Sound with .98/game.  Not a bad little list of guys if I do damn say so my own damn self.

6.  Let’s all hope for the best for Mark DeRosa.  Chicago Cubs second baseman Mark DeRosa has left spring training in Arizona to undergo further tests on his heart at a Chicago hospital.  Chicago Cubs second baseman Mark DeRosa is one of the good guys.  Played high school ball down the road from me at Bergen Catholic HS in Jersey.  Was All-State in both football and baseball while he was there.  Went on to Penn.  Started at quarterback besides being on the baseball team.  The Cubs have stressed that DeRosa’s condition isn’t life-threatening, and DeRosa said he hopes to be back on the playing field in a week.  I sure hope so.  That’s where he belongs.

7.  This just in.  Texas basketball is good.  Since the disheartening loss in College Station four weeks ago, Texas has elevated its play to put together an eight game winning streak.  11-1 in their last twelve.  They beat Kansas.  They beat UCLA.  They beat Tennessee.  They beat Kansas State last night.  If there is any justice, the burnt orange will be a Number One Seed.  There isn’t.  They won’t.  Texas Fight, Texas Fight!  For it’s Texas that we love best.  Hail, hail, the gang’s all here, and it’s good-bye to all the rest! 

8.  Bartolo Colon.  It what it is.  Upside only.  No harm, no foul.  If the Red Sox get just a taste of the 2005 Colon, great.  Super.  Wonderful.  Wunderbar.  Merveilleux.  Fantastico.  Maravilosso.  Magnifico.  If not, no big deal.

9.  Yankees still suck.  Maybe worse than ever.  They are no longer the team to beat and they know it.  A-Broad:  “This is the first time in my five years we are not the team to beat.”   Ha ha ha ha!

10.  Where’s George Steinbrenner?  In the same cave as Bin Laden?  Is his head already frozen next to Teddy Ballgame’s?  And where did this Hank Steinbrenner cat come from.  Has he been around all this time and I just missed him?  A few months ago, I never knew he existed.  Now, he’s like Savoir Faire.  Savoir Faire is everywhere.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

I’ve been running hot.  You got me ticking gonna blow my top.  If you start me up.  If you start me up I’ll never stop.  -Rolling Stones

Public Service Announcement:  Ok here we go.  First things first.  Like Tricky Dickie, let me make this perfectly clear.  I am not a golf guy.  I don’t even play one on TV.  However, I can recognize greatness when I see it. 

Tiger Woods is great.  Maybe the greatest athlete we’ve ever seen.  Maybe the greatest athlete there’s ever been.  A lean mean golfing machine. 

We’ve all been sitting around waiting for the next Michael Jordan.  Begging for the next Michael Jordan.  We’ve all been sitting around the Eastern Gate waiting and begging for the next Michael Jordan to come along riding in on his white horse to perform many great signs and wonders. 

All the while, he has been strolling down the fairway.  Strolling down the fairway in Nike red.  Strolling down the fairway in Nike red, greater than the Great One, Wayne Gretzky, blessed be he.  Greater than Michael Jordan, the Chosen One.  Greater than Muhammad Ali, the Greatest.  Greater than Babe Ruth himself. 

Strolling down the fairway and obliterating everything in his wake.   I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.  And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.  Laid down some furious vengeance Sunday.  Laid down some record breaking vengeance Sunday.  Laid down some record breaking vengeance at Dove Mountain.  Fourteen birdies in twenty-nine holes at Dove Mountain.   Fourteen birdies in twenty-nine holes for an 8-and-7 victory at Dove Mountain.  The largest margin of victory in the final in the 10-year history of this tournament.  Yowza! 

Stewart Cink knows whose name is the Lord.  After Sunday’s win, Tiger Woods has won four straight PGA Tour events.  Four straight!  That doesn’t even count his victory at the Dubai Desert Classic.  That doesn’t even count his victory at the Target World Challenge.  Tiger woods is on the kind of run our grandkids will be talking about.  Like we talk about Arnold Palmer.  Like we talk about Ben Hogan.  Like we talk about Jack Nicklaus.  Like we talk about Sam Snead.  Only better. 

For more than ten years now, Tiger has been the best at what he does.  For more than ten years now, Tiger has been the best in show.  Since he won the Masters back in 1997, Tiger has been the best golfer in the world.   Reign of Terror.  La Grande Terreur.  La Grande Terreur, Edwin Moses style. 

And, as good as he’s been, as good as he’s been, he’s better now.  What you see is what you get and you ain’t seen nothing yet.  Never in the history of sports has the best so far distanced themselves from everybody else.  Tiger has four straight.  The late great Byron Nelson holds the record with eleven.  Get your popcorn ready.  The greatest athlete in the world has just gotten started.

Public Acknowledgements:  Rick Riley, Richard Milhous Nixon, Pulp Fiction, Beastie Boys and Terrell Owens

This episode of Josh Q. Public brought to you by The Salute Military Golf Association.  SMGA is a non-profit corporation whose mission is to provide rehabilitative golf experiences for combat-wounded veterans in an effort to improve the quality of life for  American heroes.  And they need your help.  The SMGA’s primary funding source is their annual charity golf classic. This year, the tournament will be held on May 12 at Army Navy Country Club in Fairfax, VA. By registering a foursome, sponsoring the tournament, or donating to their silent auction, you will help them support the recovery of combat-wounded soldiers.  A registration form, sponsorship list, and brochure can be found on their website. 

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

I won’t fail.  I won’t flop.  Stall or stutter, yes I won’t stop.  It takes hard work, to be like this.  You should know, ’cause I’m a perfectionist.  -Run DMC

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Salvador Dali says:  “Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it.”  Salvador Dali has never seen Bentley Basketball.

Bentley Basketball doesn’t fear perfection.  Bentley Basketball is reaching it.  I know it sounds crazy, but it fits perfect.  Peter perfect pimped a perfect Peter.  Bentley Basketball  pimped a perfect peter.  Pimped a perfect Peter with their 85-65 win over St. Michael’s tonight.  Bentley Basketball  pimped a perfect Peter setting an NCAA Division II record.  Bentley Basketball  pimped a perfect Peter with its 53rd consecutive regular-season victory.  How about that? 

How about this:  The Bentley Falcons, the pride of Waltham, Mass, the top-ranked team in Division II, has not lost a regular-season game since falling to Bryant in double overtime 88-78 on Feb. 18, 2006.  Yowza!  The Bentley Falcons, the pride of Waltham, Mass, the top-ranked team in Division II just broke a record that has stood for sixty years.  Congratulations Bentley, this Bud’s for you!

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

When the dog bites.  When the bee stings.  When I’m feeling sad.  I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don’t feel so bad.  -Rogers and Hammerstein

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Oh the weather outside is frightful.  But baseball is so delightful.  And since we’ve no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!  Yes, let it snow.  Like my main man Bill Veeck always says:  “This is a game to be savored, not gulped.  There’s time to discuss everything between pitches or between innings.”  Or between seasons. 

Nothing warms you up like baseball.  Good old fashioned baseball.  Eddie Shore baseball.  Baseball writer Lawrence Ritter once said:  “The strongest thing that baseball has going for it today, are it’s yesterdays.”  While I still love today’s game.  I still sha-la-la-la-la-la, live for today.  There is some truth to Ritter’s quote. 

We love to wax nostalgic about America’s game.  The scent of bubblegum still on your Ozzie Smith rookie card.  The sight of the emerald green field after coming off the grey city streets.  City sidewalks, busy sidewalks.  Busy sidewalks filled with the aroma of sausages and hot dogs.  Ballpark franks.  They plump when you cook ‘em.  Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio, our nation turns it’s lonely eyes to you.  Joltin’ Joe:  “You look forward to it like a birthday party when you’re a kid.  You think something wonderful is going to happen.”  This blog is dedicated to the kid in all of us. 

Disclaimer 1:  This assemblage of ball players is not meant to be an all time best team.  Just a collection of guys who were my favorites.

Disclaimer 2:  If this were a true collection of my all time favorites, it would be all Red Sox players.  I limited my Red Sox players in this list to three.  Quite judicious,if I do damn say my own damn self.

Catcher:  Carlton Fisk.  OP.  The Original Pudge.  The day he, Freddy Lynn and the Rooster, Rick Burleson, left Boston, was a sad day indeed.  The day the music died.  Carlton Fisk caught more games than any other player in baseball history.  He hit the most home runs as a catcher.  He was Rookie of the Year in 1972, the first to be chosen unanimously. 

He will always be remembered in the hearts of Red Sox fans for one moment more than thirty Octobers ago.  He was at the heart of the great Red Sox/Yankees debates in those days.  Fisk or Munson?  That is the question.  The answer:  Carlton Fisk. 

1B:  Willie Montanez.  A journeyman.  Angels.  Phillies.  Giants.  Braves.  Mets.  Rangers Padres.  Expos.  Pirates.  He was productive enough.  A sweet-swinging, fine-fielding lefthander.  Productive enough to hang around the show for fourteen years.  Productive enough to be traded for the likes of Darrell Evans, Al Oliver, Bert Blyleven, and the future Hall of Famer Gaylord Perry.  But that’s not why I liked him.  

Montanez had personality.  Walk personality.  Talk Personality.  Smile Personality.  Charm personality.  I’ll be a fool for you.  I was a fool for this hot dog.  This hot diggity dog.  His slow shuffling home run trot.  His “holstering” of fielded fly balls.   His trademark bat flip as he sauntered up to the plate.  His genuine love for the game.  I was a fool for all of it.  I was a fool for Willie Montanez.

2B:   Look, up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a frog…a frog?  Not bird, nor plane, nor even frog, it’s just little ole me, the O-Dog.  Yup, just little ole him.  Orlando Hudson.  Knock ‘em down.  Roll ‘em around.  C’mon defense work!  Work!  Orlando Hudson works on defense.  All you need is glove.  All together now.  All you need is glove. 

The O-Dog gots glove.  Lots of glove.  It’s the glove you love.  Hudson is renowned around the major leagues for his fielding prowess.  In particular, his amazing range into right and center.  Known for making spectacular catches.  Lunging catches.  Diving catches.  Phenomenal catches.  Catches in batches.  Catches without matches.  Groundballs he snatches.  Base runners he dispatches.  Web Gem after Web Gem.  Gem of the Night after Gem of the Night.  Because the night belongs to glovers.  Because the night, belongs to us.  Because the night belongs to the O-Dog.

SS:  Freddy Patek:  Little Freddie. The Flea.  Moochie.  I remember him as Royal.  Played for the Pirates.  Played for the Angels.  I picture him those baby blues.  Had a glove like Crazy Glue.  Catchy as the Asian flu. 

Patek was a three-time All-Star.  Patek led the league in triples.  Get the papers, get the papers, get the papers.  Patek led the league in stolen bases.  He became the second shortstop, after Mr. Baseball himself, to hit three home runs in a single game.  Whitey Herzog called Freddy the best artificial turf shortstop he ever managed.  Ranked him even higher than the Wizard of Oz.  Wow!  Better than Ozzie Smith!  Now that’s saying something.  That’s saying a lot.  That’s saying a mouthful. 

Freddy had an arm.  A big arm.  A giant arm.  Freddy could throw across the diamond from the hole at a velocity of around 95 mph.  Yowza!  I’ll forever remember Patek making his famous, often imitated, never duplicated, patented, bare-handed double plays.  Talent, pure unadulterated talent. 

3B:  I see you baby, shakin that ass, shakin that ass, shakin that ass.  Chicks dig the longball.  So do I.  I dig Mike Schmidt.  He just might be the greatest all-around third baseman to have ever played the game.  Straight to the Hall of Fame.  Say my name!  You can George Brett me.  You can Wade Boggs be.  Heck, you can even Eddie Matthews me.  I’ll take my chances with Schmidt.  He won ten Gold Gloves.  He smashed over 500 bombs.  He won three MVPs.  He personified baseball in the late seventies and early eighties.  He is my favorite all time third baseman.

LF:  Rickey Henderson.  Most illingest b-boy, I got that feeling.  ‘Cause I am most ill and I’m rhymin’ and stealin’.   Rickey was most ill.  Rickey was rhymin’ and stealin’.  Baseball’s all-time leader in stolen bases.  Baseball’s best lead-off hitter ever.  There.  I said it.  A couple of stories of why else Rickey makes this list:

Seattle. Rickey struck out.  As the next batter was walking past him, he heard Henderson say, “Don’t worry, Rickey, you’re still the best.”

Rickey called San Diego GM Kevin Towers and left the following message: “This is Rickey calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.”

Henderson broke Ty Cobb’s career record for runs scored with a home run. After taking his usual 45 seconds or so around the bases, Rickey slid into home plate.

CF:  Oh, what could have been.  Griff slipped in the shower and broke a bone in his right hand.  The first of many.  Throughout the nineties he was beast.  The high priest.  The best from west to east.  Junior was arguably the best player of the decade. 

He produced runs.  He hit for average.  He hit over .300 in seven years of the ‘90.  He hit for power.  The man of the hour, tower of power, he’ll devour.  He’s gonna tie you up and let you understand that he’s not your average man when he’s got a baseball bat in his hand.  DAAAAAM!!!!!   He smashed 422 bombs during the decade. 

He was the best center fielder in the bigs.  Gold Gloves from 1990 to 1999.  Great range.  Sick range.  Diving plays.  Spectacular plays.  Say Hey Kid plays.  Wheaties boxes.  He was the man.  

He won games with his legs.  You remember.  You remember Game Five versus the Bombers.  Series even at two apiece.  Bottom of the 11th.  Junior on first.  Edgar with the hit.  There goes Griff.  He…could…go…all…the…way.  He does!  He does!  He scores from first base!  Mariners win!  Mariners win!  Then he moved to Cincinnati.  Then the injury bug hit.  Oh, what could have been.

RF:  Thank heavens for Dwight Evans.  The Man of Thousand Stances.  I got to know how to Pony, like Boney Maroney.  Mash Potato, do the Alligator.  The best right fielder ever to play for the Red Sox.  Patrolled the Fenway grass for parts of 19 seasons.  Cannon of an arm.  Rocket of an arm.  Spacely Sprocket of arm.  Johan Sebastian Bachet of an arm.   Eight Gold Gloves.  Eight.  You listening Ted Sarandis?   When I saw the baseball card of him in an Orioles hat, it broke my heart.  I know it was you Dan Duquette. You broke my heart.  You broke my heart! 

SP:  Pedro Martinez.  1999.  As your Curly Headed Girlfriend wrote:  “The Red Sox finish their startling regular season in Baltimore today and open a best-of-five playoff series on Wednesday.  The Sox were not expected to be in the 1999 post-season tournament, but are back in the playoffs on the strength of a historic season by their 27-year-old, 5-foot-11, 174-pound right-handed ace.” 

Pedro has to leave game one due to back spasms.  Pedro has to leave game one after pitching four shut-out innings due to back spasms.  A collective gasp rises from the city of Boston.  For every win, someone must fail.  But there comes a point when, when we exhale. 

We exhaled in game four.  Number four Bobby Orr.  Game tied 8-8 in the fourth.  Here he comes.  Here comes Pedro.  Here comes Pedro in relief.  Pedro finishes the game.  Pedro holds the Indians hitless.  Pedro strikes out eight in six innings.   Pedro is dead.  Long live Pedro!  Pedro is carried off the field by his teammates.  Pedro: “I wasn’t going to let go, I wasn’t going to do that…I had to be out there as long as I could.”  And that’s the way it was with Pedro.  He always wanted the ball.  Always. 

RP:  Rollie Fingers.  For the mustache alone.

Public Acknowledgements:  Dean Martin, Slap Shot, Grassroots, Fletch, Don McLean, Lloyd Price, Underdog, Beatles, Patti Smith, Goodfellas, Groove Armada, Beastie Boys, LL Cool J, Blues Brothers, Jetsons, Godfather II, Dan Shaughnessy and Whitney Houston

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Oh my starry eyed surprise.  Sundown to sunrise.  I dance all night, were gonna dance all night, dance all night to this DJ.  -Paul Oakenfold

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  I know it’s early.  I know pitchers and catchers barely just reported.  I know.  I know.  But I’m like Rogers Hornsby.  I’m like the Rajah.  “People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball.  I’ll tell you what I do.  I stare out the window and wait for spring.” 

Cincinnati Reds fans are staring out the window.  Cincinnati Reds fans are waiting for spring.  Hope springs eternal in the human breast.  Hope springs eternal for the Big Red Machine, my surprise pick for 2008.  Like my main man Gomer Pyle always says:  “Surprise, surprise, surprise”! 

The first surprise was the signing of Dusty Baker.  Three-time Manager of the Year.  Get the papers.  Get the papers.  Get the papers.  Five 90-win seasons.  World Series experience.  This cat turns things around.  Turning things around is what this cat does.  In 1993, he took over the Giants.  Took over the Giants coming off a 72-win season.  Skippered them to a remarkable 103 wins.  Fast forward to 2003.  Fast forward to the Cubs.  Sixty-seven wins in 2002 without Dusty.  Now this looks like a job for me.  So everybody, just follow me.  Cause it feels so empty, without me.  88 wins and the NL Central title with him.  Now he’s taking over the Cincinnati Red Legs.  That’s good news for the Red Legs. 

The Red Legs already have the bats.  Already have the rat-a-tat-tats.  The big ole cats.  Big ole cats like the big bopper Adam Dunn.  Big ole cats like Griff.  If Griff stays healthy, look out.  Big ole cats like Brandon Phillips.  Breakout year last year.  Broke out joining Alfonso Soriano as the only second basemen in major league history to hit 30 homers and steal 30 bases.  Yowza!  That’s a pretty good middle of the order.  Middle of an order that finished third in the NL with 204 bombs.  Bombs away, but we’re O.K.  Bombs away, in old Bombay.  Bombs away in old Cincinnate’. 

But, like the man says, you’re only as good as your next starter.  The Reds next two starters are Aaron Harang and Bronson Arroyo.  Now that’s a pretty potent one two.  One two buckle my shoe.  Matt Belisle and Homer Bailey behind them.  Three four, closing the door.  Closing the door just in time for Francisco Cordero.  Newly signed stud closer Francisco Cordero.  How do you spell relief? 

Yes, there are some glaring holes.  Glaring holes at leadoff.  Kenny Lofton anyone?  Glaring holes at middle relief.  Yes, there are holes, but there is joy in Mudville.  Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright.  The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light.  I think that somewhere is Cincinnati. 

Public Acknowledgements:  Jim Nabors, Alexander Pope, Eminem, The Police and Ernest Lawrence Thayer

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Start the car, I know a whoopee spot where the gin is cold, but the piano’s hot.  It’s just a noisy hall where there’s a nightly brawl.  And all… that… Jazz!  -Chicago

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Charles Barkley likes them.  The Round Mound of Rebound.  So do I.  What’s not to like? 

This team is hot.  Hot to trot.  Rosalie Totzie style.  Up your nose with a rubber hose.  The Jazz have won two in a row and twelve of their last thirteen prior to the All-Star break.  They won again last night.  They won again shooting over fifty percent from the floor.  Shot over fifty percent from the floor for the twenty-fifth time this season.  That’s the most fifty-percent-and-higher games by any NBA team.  Any NBA team.  That’s hot.  Droppin’ it like it’s hot. 

So bring your friends, all of y’all come inside.  We got a world premiere right here, now get live!  The Jazz got live last night all right.  Got live playing at breakneck speed.  Playing at breakneck speed to score 77 in the first half.  Playing at breakneck speed in the first half going 68.2 percent from the floor .  Showing Golden State the door.  Declaring all out war.  Declared all out war on the Golden State Warriors and just blew them out of the gym.  Blew the Golden State Warriors out of the gym for the Jazz’ 13th consecutive win at EnergySolutions Arena.  Their longest home winning streak since the 1996-97 season.  The Karl Malone Utah Jazz.  The John Stockton Utah Jazz.  The Jeff Hornacek Utah Jazz.  The Byron Russell Utah Jazz.  The Antoine Carr Utah Jazz.  The Greg Ostertag Utah Jazz.  The NBA Finals Utah Jazz.  Coincidence?  I think not. 

I think this here Jazz team has a good a shot as any to make this year’s NBA Finals.  Deron Williams is  one of the game’s best point guards.  Jerry Sloan is the longest tenured head coach in basketball and has been to two NBA Finals.  Carlos Boozer is a double-double machine.  Double, double, toil and trouble.  Fire burn and cauldron bubble.  Double, double, toil and trouble.  Something wicked this way comes.  Throw in Mehmet Okur.  Throw in AK47.  Throw in Ronnie Brewer.  Throw in those guys and you have a team that competes night after night.  Fight after fight. 

People talk about the Pistons’ starting five, how ’bout this starting five?  As good as any in the NBA.  Outhustling folks.  Outshooting folks.  Outplaying folks.  Outhistling, outshooting and outplaying their way straight to the NBA Finals.

Public Acknowledgements:  PTI, Welcome Back Kotter, Snoop Dogg, Salt Lake Tribune, Mueze Bawany, William Shakespeare and the San Francisco Chronicle

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

See you tomorrow

Peace out homies. Six two an even!