Punks jump up to get beat down! -Brand Nubian
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Championship Weekend. And then there were four. This old man, he played four. He played knick-knack on my door. With a knick-knack paddywhack, give the dog a bone. This old man came rolling home. Who’s gonna get the bone? Who’s gonna sit on the throne? That’s what we want to know, from here to Sierra Leone. Who’s gonna come rolling home? Who’s going bowling? Super Bowling. Bowling for Dollars. Candlepins for Cash. Take the skinheads bowling. Take them bowling. All right. Let’s get to this. Like we always knew this. Like Huey Lewis. NFL Championship Weekend.
New York Football Giants at Green Bay Packers
Everybody’s jumping on the cheese wagon. Everybody’s jumping on Ted Stroehmann’s boy. Brett Fav-ruh. Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year. Three-time NFL MVP. The ultimate weekend warrior. He’s got the records. Hit records. Smash records. He’s got a ring. He gets knocked down, but he gets up again. You’re never going to keep him down. He’s not getting up this time. Not against this New York Giants ballclub.
I like this team. Yes, it’s gonna be cold at Lambeau. I get it. The Giants are a cold weather team too. That advantage is slim. Slim Pickens. Yes, the Giants are on the road. I get that too. But, by beating the Cowboys, deep in the heart of Texas, New York continued their remarkable road prowess. Continued their remarkable road prowess with their ninth straight victory away from home. By beating the Cowboys deep in the heart of Texas, New York set a single-season NFL record for most consecutive road wins. Yowza!
They win by playing football the way it’s supposed to be played. Old time football. Eddie Shore football. They commit very few penalties. They commit even fewer turnovers. They pound the ball on the ground with Big Bad Brandon Jacobs. Eli Manning has been efficient just when you needed him most. Plaxico Burress and Amani Toomer match up with the best of them. On defense, they get to the quarterback. They’re not flashy. Not dashy. In the mouth they smashy. Team football. Five players on the floor functioning as one single unit. Team, team, team. No one more important that the other. Welcome to New York Giant football!
San Diego Super Chargers at New England Patriots
I’ve been waiting for this one. Anticipating for this one. Stay right here, ’cause these are the good old days. Good old-fashioned rivalry. Colts/Pats was a nice rivalry. Colts/Pats was a cute rivalry. Brady vs. Manning. All that. But it’s time to take the gloves off with this one. Go all Ogie Ogilthorpe with this one. Punch somebody in the eye with this one.
The Chargers have been doing some gabbing. Igor who? The Chargers have been doing some blabbing. The Chargers have been doing some back stabbing. Back stabbing since the Patriots did the Lights Out Dance on the Super Charger logo one year ago. Know this: You can’t have a signature dance or prop and not expect it to get used against you if things go bad. The Honky Tonk Man knew there was always a chance that somebody would take his guitar and smash it over his head. The Patriots took Shawn Merriman’s guitar and smashed it over his head. The Chargers have been crying ever since. LaDainian Tomlinson’s been crying. Shawne Merriman’s been crying. Igor Olshansky’s been crying. Phillip Rivers’ been crying. And if any of ‘em ain’t crying now, they’re gonna be crying on Sunday.
All the Patriots talk about is their next foe. All the Patriots do is play football games. All the Patriots do is win football games. The Patriots are going to crush the Chargers on Sunday. Remember these three little words. These four little syllables. Brady to Moss. You’re gonna hear ‘em. Again and again. Brady to Moss. Then, Antonio Cromartie will be crying too. Antonio Gates, LaDainian Tomlinson and widdle Phiwip Wivers all have widdle boo boos. All that’s left now is, for New England to solidify their place in NFL history. New England is the best team you have ever seen. The best team there’s ever been. Better than Mats Sundin. It’s just not fair. This is what the Patriots are going to do to the Chargers on Sunday:
Public Acknowledgements: Ed Kilgore, Bob Gamere, Camper Van Beethoven, Something About Mary, Chumba Wumba, Slap Shot, Hoosiers, Carly Simon and Bartstool Sports
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!