Rocket Roger Clemens

And get down on my knees and pray, that they go away.  And still it begins, needles and pins.  Because of all my pride, the tears I gotta hide.  Needles and pins.  -The Searchers

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Rocket Roger Clemens.  You have to understand.  I hate this summamabitch.  I hate him more than all the other summamabitches.  Isiah too.  But that’s it.  Those two.  And that’s it.  Just this ashtray.  And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need.  And this remote control.  The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need.  And these matches.  The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball.  And this lamp.  That’s all I need.  

Ok, ok.  Back to Roger.  I hate him.  But know this too.  I hate him because I used to love him.  I used to love her, but I had to kill her.  Loved him more than all the rest.  Loved him more than Loni Anderson’s chest.  Loved him because he was the best.  He was the nastiest pitcher I ever saw.  He was the Boston Red Sox.  He was a machine.  A lean mean pitching machine.  Cy Young.  MVP.  Twenty Ks against the Mariners.  Twenty Ks against the Tigers.  Unbeatable.  Untouchable.  Indomitable.  Invincible. 

But then, suddenly, he became beatable.  Suddenly, he became touchable.  Suddenly, he became domitable.  Suddenly, he became vincible.  Suddenly Susan.  We could have forgiven that.  Like we forgave him for getting owned by Dave Stewart.  Like we forgave him for begging out of the ’86 Series.  Like we forgave him for not wanting to carry his own luggage.  He was one of us.  But he acted like he just didn’t care.  Showed up fat.  Showed up lazy.  Showed up all Shaquish.  We can dissect the numbers.  I don’t care.  He wasn’t the same Roger.  And worst of all, he was acting entitled.  Then he left.  He left mad.  Hopping mad.  All of a sudden, he cares again.  Twilight my ass!  He goes on the Juice.  Cy Young.  Cy Young.  Cy Young.  Cy Young.  Far fetched?  This from the Mitchell Report in reference to Paul Lo Duca from notes of an internal discussion among Los Angeles Dodgers officials:

Steroids aren’t being used anymore on him.  Big part of this.  Might have some value to trade.  Florida  might have interest.  Got off the steroids.  Took away a lot of hard line drives.  Can get comparable value back.  Would consider trading.  If you do trade him, will get back on the stuff and try to show you he can have a good year.  That’s his makeup. Comes to play.

Sound familiar?  This stuff was happening all the time.  In every clubhouse.  Why not the Blue Jays clubhouse?  Why not the Yankees clubhouse?  Why not the Astros clubhouse?  Why not Roger?  So now Roger denies it.  He denies asking McNamee for help. He denies asking McNamee to inject him with Winstrol.  He denies being injected with Winstrol by McNamee approximately four times in the buttocks over a several-week period with needles that the Rocket provided.  He denies McNamee injected him in the buttocks four to six times with testosterone from a bottle labeled either Sustanon 250 or Deca-Durabolin that McNamee had obtained from Radomski.  He denies being injected by McNamee four to six times with human growth hormone received from Radomski.  He denies being injected by McNamee with Sustanon or Deca-Durabolin on four to five occasions at the Rocket’s apartment.  He denies all of it. 

He says he was merely injected with Lidocaine and B-12.  And now, if the Rocket says on 60 Minutes, before an audience that will probably exceed 10 million, that McNamee was not truthful, he will have to deny it court.  He will have to deny it under oath.  Others will have to be called to deny it.  It will be the new Trial of the Century.  Let’s just hope Judge Ito is not presiding.

Public Acknowledgements:  The Jerk, Guns -n- Roses, WKRP in Cincinnati, Brooke Shields and the Boston Globe

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

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