Carl just may be the funniest man on the planet:

Peace out homies. Six two and Even!

Courage is a special kind of knowledge.  The knowledge of how to fear what ought to be feared and how not to fear what ought not to be feared.  -David Ben-Gurion

Public Knowledge: 

1.  You can’t put a price tag on championships.  Johan Santana, the two-time Cy Young Award winner is looking for a deal upwards around $120 million over six or seven years.  That’s a lot of money.  It ain’t your money.  As much as I hate the Yankees, the one thing I never complained about was their spending.  Them’s the rules.  If I could buy a winner every year, I would.  Just win baby!  Ain’t that what it’s all about? 

2.  Seventeen points?  Plaxico, are you out of your godammed mind?  The lowest amount of points the Patriots scored this year was twenty-four.  That was against the Indianapolis Colts.  With Dwight Freeney.  Senator, I served with the Indianapolis Colts.  I knew the Indianapolis Colts.  The Indianapolis Colts were friends of mine. Senator, you’re no Indianapolis Colts.  Seventeen points my arse.

3.  Is Michael Beasley the best college baller in the country?  In case you haven’t of heard of him yet.  In case you live in a cave.  In case you live under a rock.  Something.  Michael Beasley is the Kansas State beast of a freshman.  Better than OJ Mayo.  Better than Eric Gordon.  Better than Derrick Rose.  Better than all of them.  Beasley leads the NCAA in rebounding and is fourth in scoring.  Beasley just about single-handedly handed Kansas their first loss of the season.  When he wasn’t taking it strong to the hizzy, he was knocking down threes.  Inside out.  Inside out you’re turning me.  You’re giving love instinctively.  Michael Beasley.  Remember the name.  You’ll be hearing it a lot come March.

4.  Speaking of ballers.  How about that Boom Dizzle?  How about that Baron Davis?  I just love that cat.  If it’s late in the game, that’s the cat who I want to have the ball.  You saw it last night.  Raining down three pointers last night.  Raining down three pointers on the heads of the Charlotte New Orleans Hornets.  Rained down the final dagger on the heads the Charlotte New Orleans Hornets last night.  All Star?  All Star?  What say you?  I say absotively, posolutely. 

5.  Another baller.  I wish I was little bit taller.  I wish I was a baller.  I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.  Chris Pauler.  Chris Paul handed out a dollar twenty last night.  Yup, twelve dimes.  That’s the tenth time in a row he’s handed at least a buck.  Pretty generous guy.  The only other guy to be so generous is Canadian Idol Steve Nash. 

6.  You know I love Big Al.  Big Al Jefferson.  Big Al Jefferson, movin’ on up.  Movin’ on up to that deluxe apartment in the sky.  Movin’ up to second.  Second in the league.  Second in the league in double-doubles.  Step up out the club with a dizzy head.  I got two chicks.  Both got dizzy legs.  I’m bout to double up.  R. Kelly style.  Doubled up last night.  Twenty-six points and twenty boards last night.  His third 20/20 game of the season.  That’d be second in league too.  Second behind Thunder Dwight Howard.

7.  Pittsburgh Penguins Car Commercial:

8.  Anyone who calls this Patriots/Giants a New York/Boston rivalry is reaching.  Jets/Pats AFC Championship Game would be bigger than this game here.  In fact, a lot of the older fans in the Boston area are somewhat of Giants fans themselves.  My older brother included.  Back in the day when the Pats were the Patsies, they never sold out at home.  That meant none of the home games were televised.  That meant they put New York Football Giants games on in their stead.  That meant a lot of New Englanders became Giants fans by default.  Me?  I was a closet Raiders fans.  That’s who was on at four.

9.  Lost baby!  Lost!  Thank God.  With this stupid writer’s strike, there’s been absolutely nothing on television besides The Wire.  Finally something else to watch.  Speaking of which, when’s The Shield coming back on.  I miss that crazy summamabitch Vic Mackey.

10.  Yes, Virginia, the Yankees still suck!

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

I’m the king of rock, there is none higher.  Sucker MC’s should call me sire.  To burn my kingdom, you must use fire.  I won’t stop rockin’ till I retire.  -Run DMC

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Like my main man IDAK Alpha 12 always says:  Crush!  Kill! Destroy!  Crush!  Kill!  Destroy!  All right.  Let’s do this.  The one you’ve been waiting for.  Anticipating for.  Roller skating for.  From here to the Golden Gating for.   

Patriots/Giants.  Super Bowl XLII.  Sunday!  Sunday!  Sunday!  All I can say to the Giants is this:  Give it up.  Give it up.  Baby give it up.  Abandon hope all ye who enter here.  Welcome to hell.  This game has nothing to do with Eli.  This game has nothing to do with Plax.  This game has nothing to do with Brandon Jacobs or Ahmad Bradshaw. This game has nothing to do with the Giants defense.  Nothing to do with the Giants, period.  Nothing at all.  This game has everything to do with the New England Patriots.  The greatest team to ever roam the planet. The juggernaut Patriots.  The sluggernaut Patriots.  The punch you in the muggernaut Patriots. 

This game has everything to do with Tom Brady.  Tom Brady is the best quarterback that has ever been borned.  Tom Brady is the King of the post-season.  NFL record for most consecutive wins in the post season.  Three Super Bowl victories.  Two Super Bowl MVPs.  Most completions in a Super Bowl game.  Tom Brady threw for an NFL record, fifty touchdowns this year.  Tom Brady has thrown a paltry eight interceptions this year.  Tom Brady has gone deep on everybody.  Everybody.  When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks under his bed for Tom Brady. 

The Giants won’t be able to find a prayer in the Bible.  I can’t do nuttin’ for you man.  Go lean on Shell’s answer man.  You jumped out of the jelly into a jam.  The best they can hope is for the Patriots to the run the ball.  Then, at least the scores will come more slowly.  Oh, they’ll still come.  Believe you me, they’ll come.  Just more slowly. 

Laurence Maroney has smash mouthed for 100 yards in four of the last five games.  Crash mouthed for 100 yards in four of the last five games.  Bash mouthed for 100 yards in four of the last five games.  Including back-to-back 122-yard efforts in postseason wins against the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Chargers.  Pick your poison.  But choose wisely, for while the true Grail will bring you life, the false Grail will take it from you. 

Randy Moss is no false Grail.  I wouldn’t choose him.  If he’s open, he burns you.  If you double him, Wes Welker burns you. Or Donte Stallworth burns you.  Or Kevin Faulk burns you.  Or Jabar Gaffney burns you.  Or Big Benjamin Watson burns you.  It’s like walking Papi only to face Manny. Robbing Peter to pay Paul. Business bad?  Fuck you, pay me.  Oh, you had a fire?  Fuck you, pay me.  Place got hit by lightning, huh?  Fuck you, pay me.  The Giants are in trouble all right.  Trouble with a capital T.  And that rhymes with P.  And that stands for Patriots!  Titletown, baby!  Titletown!

Public Acknowledgements:  Lost in Space, KC & the Sunshine Band, The Divine Comedy, Chuck Norris, Out of the Past, Public Enemy, Indiana Jones, Goodfellas and the Music man

Public Spectacle:  This is what the Patriots are going to do to the Giants on Sunday:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

One man come in the name of love.  One man come and go.  One man come, he to justify.  One man to overthrow.  -U2 

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Finally!  Finally, it has happened to me.  Right in front of my face.  My feelin’s can’t describe it.  Finally, it has happened to me.  Right in front of my face and I just cannot hide it. 

Mets fans can’t hide it.  Mets fans can’t describe it.  They just landed the best pitcher in all of baseball.  Just wedding banded the best pitcher in all of baseball.  Just Cutser’s Last Standed the best pitcher in all of baseball. 

Yes, meet the Mets, meet the Mets.  Step right up and greet the Mets.  Bring your kiddies, bring your wife.  Guaranteed to have the time of your life.  Mets fans are going to have the time of their lives.  Fresh off a September swoon, the Mets hit a January boon.  Johan Santana is a mere contract extension and a physical away from joining Queens’ Finest.  There is joy in Mudville.  As well there should be. 

Omar Minayacal has done it again.  Omar Minayacal has just made the Mets the front-runners in the National League.  After their embarrassing fall from grace, they needed this one.  Yes indeeded this one.  Pitching wins championships.  Period.  Did they give up some good young players?  Sure they did.  Was it worth it?  Sure, it was.  If you want to win and you have a shot to get the best pitcher in the game, you get him.  Just like that.  When I move you move.  Just like that.  

Don’t believe me?  Is Hanley Ramirez a good young player?  Sure he is.  How did that trade work out?  This one just may work out as well.  Santana is the one thing this Mets team has been sorely lacking.  A bona fide ace.  Ace in the hole.  Lean on me.  Don’t you know me?  I’m your guarantee.  Over the past five seasons, Johan has been the Twins’ guarantee.  He has won two Cy Young Awards.  He finished third in the voting in 2005 and tied for fifth last season.  Over the past five seasons, he has 82 wins.  He holds a 2.92 ERA.  He threw 1,152 strikeouts.  Yowza!  You know what that spells boys and girls.  That spells the pitching Triple Crown for a five-year span.  Yup, over the last five years, Santana led all of Major League Baseball in those categories.  That’s saying something.  That’s saying a lot. 

Know this:  He is still younger than Orioles‘ ace Erik Bedard.  And now he’s moving to the National League?  Fuhgettaboutit!  Lawn Mower Man.  All this power isn’t meant to be in the hands of one person!  God made him simple.  Baseball made him a god.  Mowing down batters in a town near you.  By himself, he won’t win the NL East.  By himself, he won’t have to.  Pedro Martinez, John Maine, Oliver Perez and Orlando Hernandez all get to move down a slot.  Kyle Lohse or Livian Hernandez still in the works.  Omar Minayacal and the Mets have once again painted themselves back into the landscape.  Who’s playing for second?

Public Acknowledgements:  Ce Ce Peniston, Ludacris, Jim Salisbury, Ernest Thayer, Paul Simon and Jobe Smith

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

I think of you ev’ry night and day.  You took my heart, then you took my pride away.  I hate myself for loving you.  Can’t break free from the things that you do.  I wanna walk, but I run back to you.  That’s why I hate myself for loving you.  -Joan Jett

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Everybody’s hating the Patriots.  Everybody’s berating the Patriots.  Everybody’s devastating the Patriots.  It just shows to go ya, the world loves a loser.  Soy un perdedor.  I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me? 

Folks sure want to kill the Patriots.  Folks sure want to kill Bill Belichick.  Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?  I think so, Brain, but this time, you put the trousers on the chimp.  Under Belichick, the Patriots have gone 91-37 in eight seasons.  Under Belichick, the Patriots have gone 14-2 in the playoffs.  Under Belichick, the Patriots have gone 3-0 in Super Bowls.  Under Belichick the Patriots have won five straight division titles and six overall.  Yet, he is despised. 

Nobody despised Pete Carroll.  Nobody despised  Pete Carroll when he was jacked and pumped and took a Super Bowl team and ran them into the ground.  Nobody  despised Dick MacPherson.  The jolly Syracuse coach who led the Patsies to an 8-24 record.  Nobody despised Rod Rust.  Rod Rust the bust.  Rod Rust the bust, who led New England to a 1-15 season.  The worst season in team history.  But they despise the Brain.  Go figure. 

What about the Golden Boy?  Every thousand generations, a perfect child is born, a Golden Child.  He has come to rescue us.  What about Tom Brady?  Folks are abhorring him too.  Das boot.  Giselle.  MVP.  Super Bowl MVP.  Most consecutive wins in the post season.  Best quarterback ever.  Hated it!  Two snaps in a circle.  Where was the abhorrence for the folks who should have been abhorred?  Where was the abhorrence for Hugh Millen?  For Tommy Hodson?  For Marc Wilson?  Guys like that there.  Why was there no abhorrence for them?  I guess they just weren’t good enough.  Not good enough to hate. 

The Patriots had always been the loveable losers.  People liked them better that way.  A softer gentler football team.  Most of my life the Patriots have been horrible.  They may be 18-0 now, but it wasn’t too long ago they were 1-15.  In 1990, the New England Patriots were the worst professional football team I have ever seen.  Worst there’s ever been.  Worse than Dentyne.  (Even though it’s good for oral hygiene.) 

They were not detested.  Not second guesseded.  Not so bitterly protested.  In 1990, the Pats had the worst offense and the second-worst defense in the NFL.  The most points they scored in a game were tenty-four.  And that was the first game of the season.  In five games, they scored only one touchdown or less.  They never won at home.  If something bad in the game of football could happen, it happened to those Patriots.  Steve Grogan was in his sixteenth season.  Old and decrepit.  The highlights of the season were off the field. 

First, there was the Lisa Olsen/Zeke Mowatt/Patriot Missle incident.  Then there was the barroom brawl with Irving Fryar and Hart Lee Dykes.  A melee that resulted in an eye injury that would eventually end Dykes’ career.  But no one hated them.  You have to be good to be hated.  This New England Patriots football team is good.  Real good.  Best ever good.  That’s a lot of hate.

Public Acknowledgements:  Beck, Anamaniacs, Eddie Murphy, Men on Film and Bob Ryan

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

PS:  The bouncer who injured Hart Lee Dykes was named William Early.  AKA Geech.  I later worked with the man.

Chase after the truth like all hell and you’ll free yourself, even though you never touch its coattails.  -Clarence Darrow

Public Knowledge:

1.  What are the Orioles thinking?  Sure his plus-speed gives him good range in center.  Sure his arm is an absolute cannon.  Sure he can hit for good average and has twenty plus home run potential.  Sure he’s a bona fide five-tool talent.   Vernon here’s got a job. Vernon’s got prospects.  He’s bona fide.  What are you?  I get all that.  But Adam Jones for Erik Bedard?  Bedard is Cy Young waiting to happen.  Bédard struck out fifteen Texas Rangers.  Bédard probably has the best curveball in baseball.  Bédard broke the Orioles’ single-season strikeout record.  While everybody’s yammering on and on about Johan, this may be the steal of the hot stove season.

2.  More on this tomorrow but, anyone who believes the Giants have the slimmest hope at all of beating the Patriots on Sunday are out of their cotton pickin’ minds.  There is a reason New England is undefeated.  You wanna know what it is?  Huh?  Do ya?  It’s because they’re good.  Real good. 

3.  The triple double king wants out.  Jason Kidd’s agent, Jeff Schwartz, recently asked Nets president Rod Thorn to move his client to a contender before next month’s trade deadline.  He sure would look good in green.  Huh?  Wouldn’t he?  You bet he would.

4.  It looks like a Golden State/Don Nelson/Chris Webber family reunion is brewing.  I don’t like it.  Webber is old.  Webber is cantankerous.  The Warriors are a run and gun team.  Webber can’t run.  Webber can’t gun.  I know it’s a cheap, three-month rental.  I know Golden State still needs another piece to the puzzle.  I know Brandan Wright is not ready.  I still wouldn’t do it.   

5.  Will Ferrell and Johnny Mac have a Power Lunch:

6.  If an NHL All Star game is played in the forest, does anybody see it?

7.  Hockey Krishnas rejoice!  More hockey talk.  Boston wins again.  And this time it’s the Bruins.  Or more correctly, a Bruin.  Boston’s lone offensive entry in this year’s All Star game, Marc Savard, scored the game winner.  Winner winner chicken dinner.  Savard’s goal was the first to decide an All-Star Game in the final minute since another Bruin turned the trick.  You may have heard of him.  Hall of Famer Ray Bourque scored the winner for the East in 1996.

8.  Oh, now it all makes sense.  Roger didn’t need steroids to rebound in the twilight of his career.  It was the split fingered fastball.  Brian McNamee didn’t inject the pitcher with steroids and human growth hormone at least 16 times in 1998, 2000 and 2001.  No.  It was all the split fingered fastball. 

9.  20-0?  You betcha.  And beyond.  Don’t forget the Patriots have the seventh pick in this here draft.  Think James Laurinaitis.  Think the Ohio State linebacker.  Think the 2006 Bronko Nagurski award winner.  Think absolute wrecking machine at the inside linebacker position.  In a linebacking corps that is becoming aged, this could be just the shot in the arm they need.  Or they could learn to throw the split fingered fastball.

10.  Yankees still suck!

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

The Big Man on Campus want the people to chant this.  And I mean this.  If I have to I will get fiendish.  And you will be the main course of a mean dish.  -Chubb Rock

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  We all know Big Al as the other guy.  We all know it was a lopsided trade.  A flopsided trade.  A jokeshop sided trade.  We all know thirteen years of mismanagement left the Wolves with no choice but to trade the Big Ticket last summer.  Trade the Big Ticket for Big Al Jefferson and other assorted castaways. 

So this is the tale of the castaways.  They’re here for a long, long time.  They’ll have to make the best of things.  It’s an uphill climb.  It may be an uphill climb, but Big Al Jefferson is now making a name for himself in Minnesota.  Making fame for himself in Minnesota.  No shame in his game for himself in Minnesota.  

It’s Big Al.  Big Al Jefferson.  Big Al Jefferson, only twenty-two years young.  Leads his team in scoring.  Leads his team in rebounds.  Fifth in the league in rebounds.  Second in the league in double-doubles.  One of only five players in the league to average a double-double in points and rebounds.  Double good.  Come on and double it.  Doublemint.  Doublemint.  Gum!  There’s no single gum like it. 

There’s no one like Big Al either.  Making Wolves‘ fans believe that the Garnett trade may someday be less lopsided than it currently appears.  You saw him last night.  You saw him single-handedly dismantle the once proud New Jersey Nets.  You saw him score forty big points against the once proud New Jersey Nets.  You saw him grab nineteen big rebounds against the once proud New Jersey Nets.  You saw him convert four big free throws in the final eleven seconds to clinch the win.  To cinch the win.  To Grinch the win.  Grinched the win fresh off Grinching another win. 

Grinched another win off of the mighty, mighty Phoenix Suns.  A game that saw Jefferson have a then career-high thirty-nine points and fifteen rebounds.  That was the second time this season Big Al and the Wolves Grinched a win against the mighty, mighty Suns.  The mighty, mighty Suns were beaten back in December by the Wolves when Jefferson had thirty-two points and twenty rebounds.  Big Al is going to be a star in this league. A superstar.  Live large.  A big house.  Five cars.  He’s in charge. 

He’s a massive athlete.  A true post player in this day and age where there are precious few true post players.  He dominates in the post.  He has good footwork and can score anywhere within the paint.  If he wants to get to the hizzy, he’s getting to the hizzy.  Making folks dizzy.  Nobody stops him from getting to the basket.  Nobody!  Nobody puts baby in the corner. 

He has good touch with and decent passing skills.  He understands the game and has a desire to win.  Jefferson is a long shot to be named to the Western Conference All-Star Game team when the coaches’ voting is announced.  That’s a shame.  My tears fall like rain.  But the team’s no good.  You’re no good.  You’re no good.  You’re no good.  Baby, you’re no good.  But Big Al is.  He’s going to be very, very good for a very, very long time. 

Public Acknowledgements:  Cape Cod Times, Jim Souhan, Gilligan’s Island, Wrigley’s, Dr. Seuss, Cypress Hill, Dirty Dancing, Fats Domino and Linda Ronstadt

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Yeah, you don’t know what is like when you try, and you try, and you try, and you try, and you don’t ever get there!  Because you were born perfect and I was born like this, and you’re perfect!  -Sam I Am 

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Would you like him in a house?  Would you like him with a mouse?  Would you like him in the green?  Would you like him with Scalabrine?  I do like him in my house.  I do like him with a mouse.  That Sam-I-am!  That Sam-I-Am!  I do like that Sam-I-Am! 

Rajon Rondo and his freakishly large hands have been hobbled as of late.  The Celtics have struggled to set up the offense quickly and efficiently with Tony Allen running the point.  The Celtics have struggled to set up the offense quickly and efficiently with Eddie House running the point.  The Celtics recently endured their first skid of the season.  The Celtics recently endured losing three of four before getting back.  Back on track.  Back on the attack.  Back in the black. 

Yes, Rondo’s injury is minor.  But still.  Even with Rondo back in the starting line-up the Celtics have a glaring hole at back-up.  I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in and stops my mind from wandering.  The Celtics need to fill the cracks that run though the door and keeps their minds from wandering.  They need to fix that hole with Sam Cassell.  

Cassell is 38 and in the final year of a two-year contract.  A contract that is becoming increasingly closer to a buyout.  Boston is the perfect fit.  Cassell and Kevin Garnett are tight.  BFF.  So tight that it’s difficult to imagine Cassell choosing to sign anywhere but Boston.  And that’s good news for Celtics’ fans.  He’s still got it.  Lovin’, is what I got, I said remember that. 

He still is capable of scoring outbursts.  He just pumped in 22 against the Nets for an overtime win.  He just pumped in 32 points in a shocking upset of Phoenix.  I shook the world!  Sam Cassell can help the Celtics shake the world.  Sam Cassell is the missing link.  The missing Lancelot Link.  He has something the Big Three do not have.  He actually has two somethings the Big Three do not have.  He’s got two rings.  That kind of veteran presence is invaluable.  What does that mean, in-famous?  Oh, Dusty.  In-famous is when you’re MORE than famous.  This man El Guapo, he’s not just famous, he’s IN-famous.  100,000 pesos to perform with this El Guapo, who’s probably the biggest actor to come out of Mexico!  Wow, in-famous?  In-famous? 

Cassell would be an invaluable veteran leader.  He helped lead the Rockets to two NBA Championships.  He helped lead the Milwaukee Bucks to the Eastern Conference Finals.  He helped lead the Timberwolves to the Western Conference Finals for the first time in franchise history.  He can help lead this team.  Lead them to the Promised Land.  Mister I ain’t a boy, no I’m a man.  And I believe in a promised land.  I believe in Sam I Am.

Public Acknowledgements:  Dr. Seuss, I *Heart* Celtics, Beatles, Sublime, Mohammed Ali, Three Amigos and Bruce Springsteen

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Then leaf subsides to leaf.  So Eden sank to grief.  So dawn goes down to day.  Nothing gold can stay.  -Robert Frost

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  First thing’s first.  Let’s get this straight.  I love the Big Aristotle.  Shaq Daddy.  Superman.  Shaq Diesel.  Wilt Chamberneezy.  Shaq Fu.  The Big Baryshnikov.  The Showman of the Big Men.  Dr. Shaq.  The Real Deal.  I love Shaquille O’Neal.  I love him, but it’s over. 

Havlicek steals it!  Over to Sam Jones!  Havlicek stole the ball! It’s over!  It’s all over!  O’Neal will undergo an MRI to determine if the severity of his lingering hip injury has changed.  Whatever the results, it’s time for the big fella to hang up those size twenty-threes.  For a generation, Shaquille O’Neal has been the best center in basketball.  One of the most dominant big men in history.  Most bombinant big man in history.  A beast in the low post.  Having a feast in the low post.  The high priest in the low post.  However, the Shaquille O’Neal of today is not the same Shaq of yesterday.  Yesterday.  All my troubles seemed so far away.  Now it looks as though they’re here to stay.  Oh, I believe in yesterday. 

The Shaquille O’Neal of today is not the same Shaq that ripped down rims.  The Shaquille O’Neal of today is not the same Shaq that tore down backboards.  The Shaquille O’Neal of today is not the same Shaq that led the Los Angeles Lakers to three championships.  The Shaquille O’Neal of today is not even the same Shaq that led Miami to another one.  Maybe I’m selfish.  Selfish like a shellfish.  But I want to see Shaq Daddy go out in a blaze of glory.  My my, hey hey.  It’s better to burn out than to fade away.  My my, hey hey. 

I want to remember Shaq as the three time NBA Finals MVP.  I want to remember Shaq as the NBA scoring champ.  I want to remember Shaq as coming up just one vote short of becoming the first unanimous MVP in the NBA.  I want to remember that drop step.  The Black Tornado.  I want to remember that little righty hook. 

I don’t want to see Half-a-Shaq.  I don’t want to see Guy LaFleur toiling for the Nordiques and Rangers.  I don’t want to see Michael with the Wizards.  Say Hey with the Mets.   Hakeem Olajuwan in a Toronto Raptors uniform.  I understand why sports stars even twenty years ago stayed in the game too long.  Salaries weren’t anywhere near where they are today. Shaq has duckets.  Buckets of duckets.  Get out now Shaq.  Get out while you still can.  Get out while the getting’s good.  You will be missed, and that’s a good thing.

Public Acknowledgements:  Johnny Most, Beatles and Neil Young

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

How sweet it is!  -Jackie Gleason

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  We gotta win that fight tonight.  We gotta get even with those Socs!  Let’s do it for Johnny, man.  We’ll do it for Johnny! 

Let’s do it for Junior.  Let’s do it for Junior Seau.  Let’s make Junior a part of ever.  Junior’s doing his part.  Did his part on Sunday.   Chargers with the ball on the Patriots four.   9:22 left in the third.  Pats up by a frightening five.  Pats up by a tightening five.  Pats up by a slightening five.  Big third and one.  Huge third and one.  Immense third and one.  The play day of the day.  The play of the year.  For all the marbles.  Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarbles. 

Junior Seau’s got yarbles.  And he’s got big balls.  And she’s got big balls.  But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all!  Rivers to Michael Turner.  Pow, Alice!  Right in the kisser.   Junior Seau broke into the backfield to punch Michael Turner right in the kisser for a two-yard loss.  The Chargers would have to settle for a field goal.  Their fourth field goal of the game.  The song remains the same.  They would not score again. 

Junior Seau did not have that chance last year.  Out with a broken arm last year.  Gone surfing last year.  Gone surfing last year after seventeen years of distinguished service in the NFL.  Gone surfing last year after twelve consecutive Pro Bowls in the NFL.  Gone surfing last year thirteen years removed from his last Super Bowl.  And now, here is.  Here is Junior Seau back on the road to glory. 

Thirteen years removed from his days as the Tasmanian Devil.  Thirteen years removed from the Lightening Bolt Dance.  Thirteen years removed from the fist pumping.  Thirteen years removed from the sixteen tackles in the AFC Championship Game versus the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Thirteen years removed from the humiliation at the hands of the 49ers.  Redemption.  By the hand of the Almighty.  We forward in this generation, triumphantly.  Won’t you help to sing.  These songs of freedom?  ’Cause all I ever have, redemption songs. 

We gotta win that fight tonight. We gotta get even with those Socs!  Let’s do it for Johnny, man.  We’ll do it for Johnny!  Let’s do it for Junior.  Let’s do it for Junior Seau.

Public Acknowledgements:  The Outsiders, Clockwork Orange, AC/DC, Honeymooners, Led Zeppelin and Bob Marley

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!